5 days to make him fancy me!

[Workdate]

I am very aware that I sound like a love smitten 12 year old!

There is a guy at my work who I have a massive crush on.
He is gorgeous and we get on very well.

I will not go in to too much detail as it’s outing but it is against the rules to have a relationship with clients.

I have kept the relationship professional and I have to be very careful about what I say because I could lose my job over it (no man is worth that), so there’s a big chance that he has no idea that I fancy him.

The issue is is that he’s leaving on Friday.

Once he leaves, it would be less frowned upon to have a relationship but we would have no way of contacting each other, unless we found one another on SM but both of us may think that it’s overstepping the mark.

I don’t know if he even likes me, so my first question is how would I know this?

My second question is what can I do to make him like me/ensure he knows I like him without it being unprofessional?

My third question is if it turns out we both like each other, how can we meet outside of work, without discussing it during work which is against the rules?

Is he on LinkedIn? Add him on there too?

I am usually a seize the day kind of person. I am also in a professional role with a clear Code of Conduct.

@Workdate - whilst you phrased this thread as something breezy which has encouraged pp to indulge in the fun, take it from me, you are insane, you don't deserve the job you do and you should, as asked by your employer, leave this man alone. look at yourself in the mirror and feel the shame!!!

Think you have bigger issues yourself than the op of this question!
Take that stick out of your arse might be a start.

If anyone was receiving treatment from an OT or similar then I don’t think it’s “having a stick up your arse” to expect their therapist to stick to their code of conduct and respect boundaries?

What if this was your son or daughter and they told you they were tracked down on SM or given the therapists personal number?

I certainly wouldn’t be comfortable if my therapist gave signals that they fancied me.
It’s normal to build a rapport or develop a friendship with a client or patient you’re working closely with. It’s not a normal social setting- the dynamic is different so it’s harder to judge a “connection” and separate that from the professional relationship.
This man is showing some interest in you and being friendly while you’re working closely with him. It may not be anymore than that.
I just don’t think it’s appropriate to attempt to take it any further.

Theres no indication that op’s feelings are reciprocated and there are risks to the op.

I personally don’t think it’s worth risking.

Keeping your work and love life separate is SO much simpler.
If you can keep work relationships professional then it will save you a lot of angst and distractions!

You’ll meet other men that you click with and have similar interests with- outside of work.

It’s not as if this bloke is your only chance at happiness is it? Life isn’t a romance novel where you only have one soul mate and have to risk everything to follow your destiny.

If you did start something with this guy, consider if it went wrong. He shagged you and ghosted you or you decided to call it off? You have access to all his personal details at work, he may spread rumours about you, turn up at your work or lodge a complaint. It’s all too messy.

There would be some different answers if the scenario was a woman seeing a male physio/ OT and after their sessions had finished he was trying to add her on SM, turning up to where she goes for coffee etc.

If the OP was in a job where it was appropriate to date clients she would have been up front and told us what her job is. There'd be no need for the secrecy.

I agree!

In fact I've name changed as that happened to a friend of mine, similar situation to this. He did try to add her on social media and the final straw was him turning up to a place she'd mentioned where he knew she might be. She said when she saw him there waiting her blood turned cold. She insisted she'd only been polite and friendly to him and he must have misinterpreted that as interest. I think she called someone she knew to come as she had been alone.

@SmileyClare SmileyClare · Today 08:03

If anyone was receiving treatment from an OT or similar then I don’t think it’s “having a stick up your arse” to expect their therapist to stick to their code of conduct and respect boundaries?

Absolutely. The 'stick up your arse' comment was both very rude but wholly misguided. No one competent and responsible working in a vocational profession which has a code of conduct would ever think like that.

Any professional with a code of conduct that prohibits client sexual relations has those duties because of the special position their are in - access to private information in files, confessional information from conversations with the client, inequality of relationship as client will see them as an expert, authoratitive with the power to 'save' them from their problems.

This isn't some silly school game where Betty, the secretary in accounts, gets off with Gareth, the post boy at the Christmas party providing hours of office gossip. It's about professionalism, inequality and protecting both the client and the professional.

Linked in, stalk him first, to check he's on nthere, then add him as a contact,😍 after he leaves.
Or say, "are you doing leaving drinks on Friday?"

Imagine this post was in a male orientated forum like pistonheads about a male with a female client/ patient- encouraging them to 'stalk her first' as if it's a bit of a laugh.

There's some real party poopers on this thread given you repeatly said its not unethical, no vunerability etc, just company policy to avoid problems, i would go with lend/give him a book on his final day and write..."hope you enjoy" with your number in. he will call or he wont, but there is no pressure cos he doesnt have to see you again unless he chooses.
I mean if he likes you he may just ask for your number at the end of the final session.

The problem with give him your number is either way you don’t know if he actually fancies you.
If he doesn’t, you spend two weeks ( at least ) checking emails and thinking about him. You’ll be gutted if he doesn’t, maybe worrying maybe he lost your number, maybe he’s busy etc. Basically wasting time over someone who doesn’t care.

If he does call/ message you don’t know whether he’s just flattered and loves the attention ,boredom, he’s just up for a shag or he’s spending time with you until the woman he really fancies becomes available. Meanwhile you’re delighted and willing to think the best and he makes no effort.

If he ASKS you for your number you know he’s interested for starters. Then find out why. You have control in the relationship. He called you and took the risk rather than you.

I can't see where the OP has said it's not unethical. I'm an HCP and had a meeting with a son of a patient today, he's not vulnerable but it would still be massively unethical for me to have a relationship with him!

The OP has been deliberately vague about what her role actually is but likened it to an 'OT or PT' so it appears to be some kind of therapy and be hands on. If it was ethical she'd be more specific what her role is.

Linkedin?

It's not swapping numbers? Professional contact is all...

This thread is so creepy, it's making me feel sorry for the poor man!

Thank you for everyone’s replies.

There has been some good and bad news!

It turns out that he does like me 😁

He spoke to my boss about the rules and what the repercussions were if he asked me out once he left.

He also asked that she give me his number/a note left from him to give to me after he’s gone, so he’s not putting me on the spot.

My boss called me into her office (I thought it was going to be about this thread) and basically said that because it was discussed whilst he was still here, that she cannot allow it.

She implied that if he hadn’t asked her and that we just started things after he left, then it would have been ok/turned a blind eye.

So morally, he did the right thing.
But him doing so, has actually stopped any chance of a friendship/relationship in the future.

So I’m a bit confused at the minute.

I’m feeling very happy that he felt the same way and it wasn’t just in my head.

But I’m feeling quite down that we have this amazing connection and we’re not allowed to do anything, when we’re both consenting adults.

How utterly ridiculous and frustrating.

I think I'd be a) explaining what she's said to him then b) considering what precisely the rules are so you don't break the letter of them and then c) going and visiting the location he mentioned in a month and d) never mentioning his name at work.

Eh? Your workplace is saying you can’t have a relationship AFTER he’s left? I can’t see that as being reasonable. Have you worked there over two years OP?

ps - it’s great that he likes you!

Honestly this is ridiculous and I doubt it’s actually enforceable or ethical?

Since the cat is out the bag, just speak to him and say you’ll meet at the friend’s place in a month or so and that’s that.
Maybe exchange numbers or emails so you have them and agree to resume contact at least a month later.

then don’t mention him at work 😂.

Ok, i was one the follow rules crew.

he did an honourable thing to go to your boss.
boss is right to say she cannot 'break the rule for you', as that means she will have to break the rule for everyone else.

right, what do you want to do? i would be honest and tell him the name of the coffee place you frequent saturdays midday and hope he turns up.- the risk being, he will think boss has allowed you and might go to thank the boss and thereby cause you issues.

can you change jobs easily?

sensible me will do nothing and go trace him at that place in his town he says is owned by his family. allow 6 months after he has left.

Just hunt him down on SM, and keep your friend list private, you can't let him get away now.

I think this is bull shit.
message him once he has left, tell him what your boss has said and then say, so I figure if we leave it a few weeks and then both happen to be in costa on x date at x time and bump into each other I think that’s fine.
your work can’t dictate your life when he is no longer a client.
absolutely do not let this stop you. Just wait a reasonable amount of time and have a plausible story ready if questioned.

Is he famous?

I don't think he got a chance to give his number to boss to give to op.

That is so creepy. Imagine saying that to a man about one of his patients/ clients.

Just let it go. You're coming across as someone who's turned on by the danger of the situation. It'll bite you in the arse in the end.