What age would you quietly think is young to have a baby?

[Bebebaba]

Times are changing and first time parents definitely seem a lot older around where I am. Myself and DH are quite young but would like a family. Just curious to know what age MNers would privately think was young, or too young!

In previous generations, women could have children young because they couldn’t leave their marriages. No matter what their husbands did to them or the children, they had to endure. It was a system ripe for abuse.

today, women have the option to leave, but it is really only an option. How often do we see posts on this board where women feel absolutely trapped because they have no real education or career to use if they leave.

Delaying motherhood is not about raising your children in middle class privilege. It’s about protecting yourself and your children. Men of any economic status can turn out to be absolute bastards.

@Ponderingwindow That's very true. My DD would be financially dependent on someone else if she had children in the next few years -either the father or us- and that would put her in a very vulnerable position. How many under-25’s can financially support children nowadays? Someone would need to help them out-as you say, there’s so many posts on here where a parent is trapped in a bad situation due to finances.

Yes, my sister who was mid thirties struggles in a way I never did.

It's not really general life experience. It's child care experience. I had much much more experience by my twenties than one sister did in her thirties as I had regularly cared for a younger sibling.

It's going to depend on the individual too.

My anecdote is the opposite, my sister had them younger and struggled more than I did at 35.

Under 23 is fairly young to have a baby

Yes, same as many PPs, under 25 is young, under 20 too young imo.

I know it would be anecdotal, but it's a pattern in my family that the couple of older mothers have been worriers, and those of us in their early twenties have just got on with it.

I agree it would be an individual thing, personality, and experience. Though age or time don't equal experience, only experience equals experience. My sister just found younger and younger child free friends as her same age friends settled down, so she is now young for her age and parenting with no previous experience despite her age. I'd been practically a third parent for a decade.

Travelling when you're young (20s) is completely different than travelling when you're older (40s). Completely different. I'd also argue that travelling (not to some European resort, but proper travelling) is the most amazing experience one can have, I say this as an avid traveller and a parent.

Ok, but not everyone wants to go travelling (both with and without children) so it's kind of weird that this has become a recurring theme like it's some rite of passage.

There are some things that I wish I could have done like continue horse riding. I have never, ever wished to travel the world for extended periods or go backpacking etc.

I'd much rather be travelling now in my 40s (my child is almost an adult) than in my 20s! I'm autistic and would have been very vulnerable travelling in my 20s.

@SouthLondonMum22 Yes, it’s very individual, of course. DH and I had limited childcare experience when DD was born in our 30’s, but I think that having other aspects of our lives “sorted” gave us a good base. A good example was DD’s difficulty learning to latch. Because we’d had time to save, we could order an electric pump and the special bottles recommended to us to help her latch.
If I’d had DD 10 years earlier though, I wouldn’t have had the funds to do this-as I said upthread, I don’t know how under-25’s can financially support children with the COL nowadays, they literally haven’t had time to establish themselves. Assuming that they don’t have a well-off older partner or an affluent family who are willing to support them.

Completely agree. The thought of backpacking filled me with dread when I was in my 20s. It’s been way better doing it in comfort.

That's my experience too.

I have to say, I don’t see what this has to do with her age either.

If she was 45 and going to Disney without her primary aged children, I’d think she was a bit self-centred as well. Because most primary aged kids would love a trip to Disney. Why would you go and not take them?

Sadly that level of selfishness doesn’t tend to improve with age, it’s a whole attitude of not putting your children first.

Travelling when you're young (20s) is completely different than travelling when you're older (40s). Completely different. I'd also argue that travelling (not to some European resort, but proper travelling) is the most amazing experience one can have, I say this as an avid traveller and a parent.

I did lots of normal holidays abroad in my 20s but ‘proper travelling’ just makes me think of the cliche backpacking in south-east Asia type thing which was literally just all the posh private school kids

Under 20. But then I'm of a generation where any woman having a baby after 29 was considered "elderly".

Travelling is not the most amazing experience one can have, it's only an amazing experience if it's the sort of thing you want to do. I literally have never been able to think of anything worse.

This thread is just so bizarre and shows that people think their opinions are fact.

Personally for me I would hate to have kids later in life. I still had a professional career whilst having kids in my 20s and now in my 40s we have a great time together as a family. We have also travelled throughout in the way we want to. DH is older and did his travelling in his 20s as that's what he wanted to do so for him having kids later in his 30s was perfect for him, he loved travelling and would probably agree with you. Knowing my DC one would love travelling and one would feel just like me.

My mum was 24 when she had me in the late 70s, all the other people in her health visiting group were teenagers. She ended up going round daily to help a 16 yo mum as her family had basically abandoned her.

Probably teens too young, or concerned not a stable and lasting relationship between the parents.

I would say under 25. I felt really unformed and very young and immature at that age. I definitely wouldn't have been a very good mother myself (although I appreciate that everyone is different).

Under 25 is "young" by my standards, which does not necessarily mean too young - some people are in a place to have a baby before that point.

Under 30 feels very young to me, for anyone with a career.

It also very much depends on someone's stage in their life, by 22 (early 2000s) I was a homeowner, married and in my last 2 years of exams for qualifying in a professional career. I was certainly at a different stage in my life than 22 yos who had just finished uni. I would have been mature enough to have children then, as it turns out I had fertility issues so had to wait anyway.

Why with a career? I was a fully qualified accountant before I had DC at 25, had a good job that I could go back to and continue working my way up. Luckily I work for a supportive organisation but it is quite possible to do both.