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What age would you quietly think is young to have a baby?

334 replies

Bebebaba · 09/01/2024 21:08

Times are changing and first time parents definitely seem a lot older around where I am. Myself and DH are quite young but would like a family. Just curious to know what age MNers would privately think was young, or too young!

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 10/01/2024 15:23

x2boys · 10/01/2024 13:48

Your also in a,privileged position to decide by say 25 you are ready to have children
Ideally I would have had my kids from my mid to late 20,s but I didn't meet m dh,untill.I was 31 and was single for most of my 20,s not necessarily by choice
I had my oldest son at 33 and my youngest at 36
Its swings and roundabouts.

I understand that and that’s why I’m saying if you ‘choose’ to, because I mean those who say they just want to have fun for many years. Some are lucky to conceive naturally in their 40s but many cannot. They will have gone through expensive fertility treatments and waited until they have big houses.

Beezknees · 10/01/2024 15:25

x2boys · 10/01/2024 13:48

Your also in a,privileged position to decide by say 25 you are ready to have children
Ideally I would have had my kids from my mid to late 20,s but I didn't meet m dh,untill.I was 31 and was single for most of my 20,s not necessarily by choice
I had my oldest son at 33 and my youngest at 36
Its swings and roundabouts.

Not necessarily. Some people will never be financially comfortable so they decide they may as well have children young.

Christmasnutcracker · 10/01/2024 16:21

I met someone recently who is going to Disneyland with her DH to celebrate her 30th birthday.

She is leaving her two primary age children at home.

How can someone say she wasn’t too young having children?

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Naptrappedmummy · 10/01/2024 16:27

Christmasnutcracker · 10/01/2024 16:21

I met someone recently who is going to Disneyland with her DH to celebrate her 30th birthday.

She is leaving her two primary age children at home.

How can someone say she wasn’t too young having children?

To be fair those Disney types are everywhere and usually immature no matter what their age

Christmasnutcracker · 10/01/2024 16:32

Yeah I agree. 🤣

It screams immaturity.

Beezknees · 10/01/2024 16:38

Christmasnutcracker · 10/01/2024 16:21

I met someone recently who is going to Disneyland with her DH to celebrate her 30th birthday.

She is leaving her two primary age children at home.

How can someone say she wasn’t too young having children?

So older parents don't go on holidays without their kids? I'm confused.

BassoContinuo · 10/01/2024 16:40

Beezknees · 10/01/2024 16:38

So older parents don't go on holidays without their kids? I'm confused.

It is a bit shit to go to Disney without your kids when they’re primary school age

Beezknees · 10/01/2024 16:42

BassoContinuo · 10/01/2024 16:40

It is a bit shit to go to Disney without your kids when they’re primary school age

Ah right, I see. I don't really see what it's got to do with her age though.

Stressedoutforever · 10/01/2024 16:46

I had my first when I was 24 (now 26 with 2) but we were married and owned a house. I'm the youngest in my mum social groups but 5 years, a majority are late 30s

Christmasnutcracker · 10/01/2024 16:46

Beezknees · 10/01/2024 16:42

Ah right, I see. I don't really see what it's got to do with her age though.

Don’t you? Really?

I think you do.

Beezknees · 10/01/2024 16:49

Christmasnutcracker · 10/01/2024 16:46

Don’t you? Really?

I think you do.

I don't at all. If it's because of her liking Disney, loads of older adults do. My work colleague is in her 50s and is obsessed with Disney, she has an annual pass and a bloody winnie the pooh lanyard for work. If it's to do with her going away without her kids, do you think no older parents do that?

Christmasnutcracker · 10/01/2024 16:53

Beezknees · 10/01/2024 16:49

I don't at all. If it's because of her liking Disney, loads of older adults do. My work colleague is in her 50s and is obsessed with Disney, she has an annual pass and a bloody winnie the pooh lanyard for work. If it's to do with her going away without her kids, do you think no older parents do that?

I realise you are trying to make points your argument but it really isn’t working.

Beezknees · 10/01/2024 16:56

Christmasnutcracker · 10/01/2024 16:53

I realise you are trying to make points your argument but it really isn’t working.

Why? Just seems to me like you've made a snap judgement.

Legendairy · 10/01/2024 16:58

Under 22/23 is probably too young. I am surprised at people saying 25 is too young, I would say 25-35 is ideal for a whole number of reasons.

Legendairy · 10/01/2024 17:01

Christmasnutcracker · 10/01/2024 16:21

I met someone recently who is going to Disneyland with her DH to celebrate her 30th birthday.

She is leaving her two primary age children at home.

How can someone say she wasn’t too young having children?

That is so random. I can't see any connection at all there, it just sounds judgemental of someone who does things differently to you.

I went to Disney for my 40th without the kids, I wasn't too young to have kids though. I have taken them to Disney also previously, just wanted that trip ladies only.

wohlarra · 10/01/2024 17:07

25 but I think that because I left uni at 21 and Dh left uni at 22 so we felt like we had only just started living independently, having carefree time, answering to no one. It was bliss. I had my first child at 29 but we planned early 30s, I had fertility issues that meant it was a now or never situation so 29 it was.

I went to Disney World for my 40th with my very enthusiastic sons and Dh. Disney is not for just kids, even Walt himself said that. It is not a measure of adulthood.

Mammyloveswine · 10/01/2024 17:47

Barleysugar86 · 09/01/2024 21:09

27 or under would be young to have a baby

20 or under I would consider too young

Edited

I was 27 when I had ds1 and thought that was a great age!!

notacooldad · 10/01/2024 19:36

25 and under, live some life first because once you have a baby that's it for at least a decade for the cinema, meals out, relaxing holidays etc and you will miss it!
That's not necessarily true. I know loads of people under 25 who've had a baby/ babies and it has been the absolute making of them. Some people aren't bothered about meals out etc but love family life.

AvengedQuince · 10/01/2024 19:49

notacooldad · 10/01/2024 19:36

25 and under, live some life first because once you have a baby that's it for at least a decade for the cinema, meals out, relaxing holidays etc and you will miss it!
That's not necessarily true. I know loads of people under 25 who've had a baby/ babies and it has been the absolute making of them. Some people aren't bothered about meals out etc but love family life.

Yes, I've never been much interested in meals out, saw every Marvel and Star Wars film (except for 15 cert) together with my DS from the age of 8, and my favourite holidays were with him in the 4 to 13 age range.

Kwam31 · 10/01/2024 21:51

25 and under, live some life first because once you have a baby that's it for at least a decade for the cinema, meals out, relaxing holidays etc and you will miss it!
utter nonsense, despite what you read on MN, not everyone is a martyr to their kids, plenty parents have busy social lives that don't involve their kids every minute of the day, and shock holiday without them!!

MissHavershamReturns · 10/01/2024 21:54

Young under 27
Too Young under 21

stargazer02 · 10/01/2024 22:08

I had a kid in my late teens, one in 20s and one in early 30s. If I was magically doing it all over I'd plan to start mid 20s and be done by early 30s. (That'd obv be a smaller age gap!)
If biologically easier, I'd say 40s for financial reasons, and just generally having a better perspective on the world.
Though I'm a lot more anxious now than I was at 18. I was blissfully naive then!

Goateen · 10/01/2024 22:08

Oh god, a parenting age thread but this time punching down at younger/teen parents.

Nobody knows the reasons why upping people have children, and they're not always pleasant.

Seriously shitty to judge imo, and completely different to an adult choosing to get pregnant. You do not know.

Joeslaol00 · 10/01/2024 22:26

My daughter had her child as a single Mummy aged 26 . Guess what…she has a brain and is now a social worker for child protection! Some people are capable of achieving, regardless of their circumstances.
When daughter found out she was pregnant,she weighed up the options.
She said to me she would rather be a young Mum rather than 10 years later trying to be a Mum 🤷‍♀️She was so focused

User373433 · 10/01/2024 22:37

My opinion has changed a lot on this with more life experience, and I work with families. I think the obsession to have marriage/well paid job/have bought a house is short sighted. There is sometimes a snobbery that goes alongside that. That it proves responsibility. But where does it end?

People often mention property on the tick list, but they really mean having taken out a giant loan and the ongoing pressure to never have a drop in income so they don't lose their house.

Some people mention travel, but travel can be done with your family or before retirement if you have children young.

Having children outside of the biological optimum age increases the risk of genetic disorders. As someone with older parents, I am neurodiverse, and so is my younger sibling. My older siblings are not. I see this pattern often and I do wonder if this is a reason (alongside awareness and change in DSM criteria) why rates of autism and ADHD are rising more than predicted.

Older grandparents are less able to play an active role in their grandchildren a lives, thus adding to the financial pressure of older parents, and the grandparents and grandchildren missing out.

Younger mothers in their biological prime years should not be judged and discouraged more so than older middle class mothers as there are pros and cons to the lives of the children equally.

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