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Original poster

What age would you quietly think is young to have a baby?

334 replies

Bebebaba · 09/01/2024 21:08

Times are changing and first time parents definitely seem a lot older around where I am. Myself and DH are quite young but would like a family. Just curious to know what age MNers would privately think was young, or too young!

OP posts:
MariaVT65 · 11/01/2024 03:06

Kwam31 · 10/01/2024 21:51

25 and under, live some life first because once you have a baby that's it for at least a decade for the cinema, meals out, relaxing holidays etc and you will miss it!
utter nonsense, despite what you read on MN, not everyone is a martyr to their kids, plenty parents have busy social lives that don't involve their kids every minute of the day, and shock holiday without them!!

I can’t find that original quote but omg!

OP, I have a newborn and literally took her to the cinema last week - there is a thing called baby cinema! We also find ways to go to the cinema and have meals out. We’ve also been on holidays. The ‘decade’ thing is nonsense.

LindorDoubleChoc · 11/01/2024 10:11

Too right I'd judge any adult who went to Disneyland without their children! Jeez.

Ducksurprise · 11/01/2024 12:04

I don't know what you are quoting. But I only took half my children to Disney land, I left the younger ones (1,2 & 6) at home.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Flatbellyfella · 11/01/2024 13:14

Under 25.

SheFliesLikeABirdInTheSky · 11/01/2024 22:27

I think it's so rude and unpleasant and unkind to say people who go to Disney as adults - and without children - are pathetic and childish.

How nasty.

I have never been without young kids before anyone says anything, but don't have a problem with people who do. That is such a rude judgemental comment. Probably the same people who think people who play video games are pathetic and need to grow up too, even though more people over 18 play video games than children. Less than a quarter of under 18s play videogames, and the average age is 30, but people still pour scorn on people who play.

These same judgy snarky articles look down on people who go to Disney - as an adult. Or do anything that is fun and enjoyable. Bloody mood hoovers. Hmm

Boomboom22 · 11/01/2024 23:42

Joeslaol00 · 10/01/2024 22:26

My daughter had her child as a single Mummy aged 26 . Guess what…she has a brain and is now a social worker for child protection! Some people are capable of achieving, regardless of their circumstances.
When daughter found out she was pregnant,she weighed up the options.
She said to me she would rather be a young Mum rather than 10 years later trying to be a Mum 🤷‍♀️She was so focused

Did you mean 16?

ScribeSev · 12/01/2024 04:34

Joeslaol00 · 10/01/2024 22:26

My daughter had her child as a single Mummy aged 26 . Guess what…she has a brain and is now a social worker for child protection! Some people are capable of achieving, regardless of their circumstances.
When daughter found out she was pregnant,she weighed up the options.
She said to me she would rather be a young Mum rather than 10 years later trying to be a Mum 🤷‍♀️She was so focused

26 is completely normal age to have a child though

Legendairy · 12/01/2024 13:47

ScribeSev · 12/01/2024 04:34

26 is completely normal age to have a child though

Show quote history

Not according to this thread though. I agree it is an absolutely normal age for having a child.

TerroristToddler · 12/01/2024 13:59

User373433 · 10/01/2024 22:37

My opinion has changed a lot on this with more life experience, and I work with families. I think the obsession to have marriage/well paid job/have bought a house is short sighted. There is sometimes a snobbery that goes alongside that. That it proves responsibility. But where does it end?

People often mention property on the tick list, but they really mean having taken out a giant loan and the ongoing pressure to never have a drop in income so they don't lose their house.

Some people mention travel, but travel can be done with your family or before retirement if you have children young.

Having children outside of the biological optimum age increases the risk of genetic disorders. As someone with older parents, I am neurodiverse, and so is my younger sibling. My older siblings are not. I see this pattern often and I do wonder if this is a reason (alongside awareness and change in DSM criteria) why rates of autism and ADHD are rising more than predicted.

Older grandparents are less able to play an active role in their grandchildren a lives, thus adding to the financial pressure of older parents, and the grandparents and grandchildren missing out.

Younger mothers in their biological prime years should not be judged and discouraged more so than older middle class mothers as there are pros and cons to the lives of the children equally.

100% this.

NewYearNewCake · 12/01/2024 14:04

Ducksurprise · 11/01/2024 12:04

I don't know what you are quoting. But I only took half my children to Disney land, I left the younger ones (1,2 & 6) at home.

I understand the toddlers but a 6 year old is an ideal age for Disney 😞

IggOrEgg · 12/01/2024 14:06

Depends on the person but generally I’d say 21 and under is definitely very young to have a baby, but person circumstance is definitely more important than age imo.

Fox111 · 12/01/2024 14:20

I would disagree with people who say you are too young to have kids. I had my first son at 18 and still managed to finish my degree and masters. My mother had me when she was 19 and had build a successful legal career. So I don't think age is a determining factor.

sawnotseen · 12/01/2024 15:28

Under 28. My daughter is 24 and I want her to do more travelling, spend her money on her, enjoy being free from responsibility and get another a promotion before she has children. I was 28 when I had her, 34 her brother.

ALongHardWinter · 12/01/2024 16:34

I think anything under 21 is young to have a baby. I was only 19 when I had my DD and now I think omg I was still a child myself. I don't regret it though. It's nice to be a relatively young grandmother (43 when my DGD was born,I'm now 60).

MummyMamaMe · 12/01/2024 20:04

I think before your 20’s is too young but I was 25 and I was one of the youngest mums at baby groups 🤷‍♀️ I will probably be 30-32 when I have my next one so I think it depends what you want in terms of age gaps and number of children as well. If I had had my first one at 30-32 I don’t know how confident I’d be at thinking of a 5-7 year age gap as I’d then be 35-37 and fertility and energy levels would be a lot different!!

VeryHungrySeaCucumber · 12/01/2024 20:16

Given you've asked, my opinion is:

Under 25 'quite young' (but absolutely fine)

Under 20 'young' (still fine)

Under 18, or 18/19 but still at school or college for A-levels or similar 'too young'. U18 dependent on scenario, and U16 always, obviously having their own additional issues.

But I have a policy of not judging any woman's reproductive situation or choices at any age, and leaving it to any professionals involved to ascertain whether there are specific issues to be supported and resolved.

Martinii · 12/01/2024 20:39

User373433 · 10/01/2024 22:37

My opinion has changed a lot on this with more life experience, and I work with families. I think the obsession to have marriage/well paid job/have bought a house is short sighted. There is sometimes a snobbery that goes alongside that. That it proves responsibility. But where does it end?

People often mention property on the tick list, but they really mean having taken out a giant loan and the ongoing pressure to never have a drop in income so they don't lose their house.

Some people mention travel, but travel can be done with your family or before retirement if you have children young.

Having children outside of the biological optimum age increases the risk of genetic disorders. As someone with older parents, I am neurodiverse, and so is my younger sibling. My older siblings are not. I see this pattern often and I do wonder if this is a reason (alongside awareness and change in DSM criteria) why rates of autism and ADHD are rising more than predicted.

Older grandparents are less able to play an active role in their grandchildren a lives, thus adding to the financial pressure of older parents, and the grandparents and grandchildren missing out.

Younger mothers in their biological prime years should not be judged and discouraged more so than older middle class mothers as there are pros and cons to the lives of the children equally.

Absolutely this.

Imo children need to see a mix of being looked after and feel safe whilst also experiencing some life experience of seeing parents work hard to do better for themselves with a bit of struggle. These children who grow up in very comfortable lifestyles, wanting for nothing because mum and dad had a house/good jobs before they had kidd where everything is lovely are usually the worst. They grow up entitled with no real sense of how life is outside their comfortable bubble. Kids who are still living at home well into their 20s because their parents have made it so comfortable they don't want to leave that bubble and are quite often work shy. We judge those in Government who have no sense of reality, well there are plenty of "middle class" families who also have no idea what it's like to struggle.

Umph · 13/01/2024 12:30

The obsession with travelling before having children baffles me. You don’t suddenly get locked to one town the minute you have children. You don’t have to take them to an anonymous European beach resort every year.

Also by the time my youngest is 18, I’ll only be mid 40s. Loads of time to travel if I suddenly feel I’ve missed out on life. (I won’t, there’s plenty of experiences we plan to share with the children.

Ducksurprise · 13/01/2024 12:38

Umph · 13/01/2024 12:30

The obsession with travelling before having children baffles me. You don’t suddenly get locked to one town the minute you have children. You don’t have to take them to an anonymous European beach resort every year.

Also by the time my youngest is 18, I’ll only be mid 40s. Loads of time to travel if I suddenly feel I’ve missed out on life. (I won’t, there’s plenty of experiences we plan to share with the children.

But it is very different as a single person or couple to travelling with children.

The number 1 factor is price, I've travelled extensively with my children but the cost is significant. Combine that with school terms and responsibilities and it is very different to travelling as a young adult.

The responsibility is the biggest factor, responsibilities to a mortgage, secure job etc. Responsibilities in the area you go to is different when you are in charge of little people. Plus even when they are grown you still have that feeling of responsibility.

FancyRat · 13/01/2024 12:40

Umph · 13/01/2024 12:30

The obsession with travelling before having children baffles me. You don’t suddenly get locked to one town the minute you have children. You don’t have to take them to an anonymous European beach resort every year.

Also by the time my youngest is 18, I’ll only be mid 40s. Loads of time to travel if I suddenly feel I’ve missed out on life. (I won’t, there’s plenty of experiences we plan to share with the children.

Because people love to make others feel bad, especially younger parents it seems.

FancyRat · 13/01/2024 12:42

If you travel/holiday and have support from family, you're a selfish CF freeloader and need to get back to parenting

If you don't, you're boring and missing out on life, how sad

If you plan to wait til 40, you've wasted your best years and are still tied down with children, how sad

You can't win unfortunately!

WeightoftheWorld · 13/01/2024 13:01

JadeVS72 · 09/01/2024 21:11

23 and under. Pretty much everyone I know who has had a baby on purpose has been at least 24.

I'd probs agree with this personally but appreciate I'm super biased as I didn't graduate until I was 23 for various reasons and then had DC1 at 24!

I think I wouldn't actually think 'woah that's young!' in my head unless they were under 21 though.

crumblingschools · 13/01/2024 14:50

For me, having the responsibility of a little person's life would have been too much to take on when I was late teens/early twenties. And the worry that comes with that I wouldn't have wanted either and wouldn't want for DC until they have had time to just care about themselves

BIossomtoes · 13/01/2024 16:19

crumblingschools · 13/01/2024 14:50

For me, having the responsibility of a little person's life would have been too much to take on when I was late teens/early twenties. And the worry that comes with that I wouldn't have wanted either and wouldn't want for DC until they have had time to just care about themselves

That’s the thing about having them young. You don’t worry or overthink, you just crack on.

HamBone · 13/01/2024 16:34

BIossomtoes · 13/01/2024 16:19

That’s the thing about having them young. You don’t worry or overthink, you just crack on.

Show quote history

I imagine that younger parents need a fair amount of support as they have limited life experience. I know that my DD (18) would-for example, she’s going to be managing rent and bills for the first time later this year when she moves into a house with friends (they’re students). She would definitely need parenting classes too.

If that support is available through your family (parents), for example, that’s great, but if you don’t have it, it must be very difficult.

If you wait until you’re older, you (hopefully) have your career and life organized and don’t need as much support. 🤷

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