What age would you quietly think is young to have a baby?

[Bebebaba]

Times are changing and first time parents definitely seem a lot older around where I am. Myself and DH are quite young but would like a family. Just curious to know what age MNers would privately think was young, or too young!

I was 24 with my first and felt fully mature and ready to be a parent. I had loads of energy and broken nights were a breeze. I had my last at 36 and felt like I was too old, I was exhausted. Broken nights were a killer.

My mother was a midwife and had me, her first, at 28. She said that she was treated as being very old to be pregnant for the first time and had many comments, even from her colleagues to that effect.

DD was 19 and took to parenthood really well. She still did her degree and then a masters. She finished her childbearing at 25 with three children and has had a meteoric career. All my children had finished having children in their 20s and have successful careers.

I'm really shocked at most of these comments.

Money is a big reason as to whether it’s a good idea to have kids young or not.

I was early 20’s having my first. Wasn’t on great money because I hadn’t graduated long to build up my experience. Financially and career wise I never recovered. This was partly because my ex never contributed towards DC but was able to save enough for his own deposit to buy a house. I also ended up taking a lower paid role then I was qualified because it gave me the flexibility to do school drop offs and collect from childcare in evenings as Ex couldn’t do these things because he had to work. I think your choice in partner matters more than age.

I don’t judge anyone in that situation. I just hope they get a break in life so they can provide security to the child.

I have a relative in early 20’s who is pregnant now and I am worried about her. There is something off about the body language of the two of them since they announced the pregnancy. She seems so unhappy now, like the fun and happiness has left her. I have seen him drunk and he was an aggressive asshole which is a red flag for me.

Under 18. Although I’ve met many parents who are under 18 in my job and they are doing a better job than some of the older parents I work with 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Wetweatherandmud
I commented a fair bit back, under 30 is young? I had mine between 22-34 and felt old at 34!
I'm filled with horror at the ttc at 44 threads, a 16 yr old at 60 is my idea of hell. I'm 52 this year, youngest is in uni and I'm finally free of the never ending running about.

@adriftabroad
You not knowing anyone who did settle down young doesn't mean it can't work, you come across very snotty with your I don't know anyone! snark.

I said how great it was; several times.
To find a life partner at 18 and have a 4 bedroom house and DCs and career by 24.

I just do not recognise anyone like this in my life,my Dsis life, my friends or families lives.

It is not snotty in the least. I did not say it could not work. Why would I?

I said under 24 is too young IMO in answer to the OP.

For stability it makes life easier if education is complete, to have some years of working behind you (increasing income, savings, maternity leave and ability to get work in the future) and stable housing. In circles where people go to university or work their way into occupations through college/ apprentiships. That's unlikely before mid-20s, but it's not a universal truth.

People can get lucky with relationships, but it often takes time to meet a compatible partner and settle down.
Life is more fluid than it was in much of the 20th century when people stayed local, stayed in occupations and life went down a continuous path from late teens/ early 20s. That fluidity and financial pressures and high expecations pushes the age up.

Age doesn't tend to make a substantial difference on how good a parent is, but it does often affect the ease of parenting.

I had my first at 24 and looking back now it is young (not a bad thing though). I'd say 26 or under is young to have a child.

This has also made me think of one of my best friends when I first started secondary school. She got pregnant when she was still 14, so was 15 1/2 when she had her baby. She was kicked out of school but was able to still pass some of her O Levels with support from a couple of the teachers and at night school. She moved in with her boyfriend and married him when she was 16 and they had a second planned baby just before she was 18. We lost touch for many years but met up again about ten years ago. She is still with her husband and has had a very happy and fulfilling life. When we met up, she was about to retire and was enjoying her time with her grandchildren. I'm sure most people on this thread would say that was much too young as well, but in her case, it wasn't.

I think some posters are missing the "times are changing/different now" aspect to the post.

Under 25 would make me think ‘young’. Feels like you should be finished uni/college /training of some sort and getting a foot in the working world before having a baby. But that’s just me.

I had mine at 26 and 29 and I was definitely on the younger side for my area

I would say early twenties is young, teens too young. But of course there are exceptions

Under 25 is too young to me. I probably didn't think so when I was 25, but now it seems very young.

You say you and Dh ,so If, your married you are not too.young

Just because it worked out It doesn't mean it wasn't too young
Having a baby at 15 is far from ideal and as of lost touch for many years you ha e no idea of the struggles she might have gone through..

At 29 I was only the second to have a child in our friendship group, the first is 7 years older than me so was 36 when she had their first. The rest were well into their 30ies.

I’d say under 20 is “too young”, under 25 definitely on the young side.

In my circles people have kids in mid to late 30s so I was thought of as young when I had DC1 at 30. The next youngest mum in our NCT group was 36.

They maybe great mums but its not ideal
They will have just finished their GCSE,s having a child and trying to go o college etc is going to hold them back I know this is mums net and somebody will say they had a baby at 14 and are now the CEO of a multi million pound multi national company etc
But in reality most mums of her age would be struggling on benefits at least for the first few years.

Under 19 too young. Having said that my bff had her first at 17 at is a great mum, her daughter is happy, healthy and at university. However the father of her child is not present and was a "bad boy" now a dysfunctional, irresistible adult male. My grandma had my mum in her 40s and was financially secure but neglectful. Ideally if my children are to become parents I'd like them to do so from 25+.

IRRESPONSIBLE * definitely not irresistible. She was dependent on benefits then returned to school and is now a teacher.

While it doesn’t ‘fill me with horror’ I do roll my eyes a little at the ‘I had mine at 40 so I could have years of fun before settling down’ type posts. Fair enough if you have a baby at that age because you hadn’t found the right man or some other essential factor. But if not you’re essentially making the baby pay the price for you to have these years of fun aren’t you? They’ll likely end up with the dual burden of small children and elderly parents, as well as little practical support from grandparents.

And before anyone starts, critiquing older parents (as a group not as individuals) is every bit as valid as critiquing younger ones, which has been done many times on this thread.

I agree that you’re in a very privileged position to ‘decide’ you’re only ready by 40 and it all works out.

I wasn’t suggesting for a minute that it was ideal to have a baby at 15, but was just pointing out that things CAN work out well for people who have children at a very young age. Whilst I did lose touch with my friend for a number of years, we still saw each other until our mid 30s (and then met up again in our mid 50s) so I’m very much aware of what her life was like until then, and she was (and still is) one of the happiest and most well balanced people I know. Of course most women wouldn’t want a baby that young, but I was using my friend as an example to counteract some of the bonkers comments suggesting that women are too young to have children before they get to 30.

Your also in a,privileged position to decide by say 25 you are ready to have children
Ideally I would have had my kids from my mid to late 20,s but I didn't meet m dh,untill.I was 31 and was single for most of my 20,s not necessarily by choice
I had my oldest son at 33 and my youngest at 36
Its swings and roundabouts.

I’d think under 30 was young and under 25 was too young.