I need a good talking to, bring me back down to earth vipers !

[GreenSilks]

I’ve been single for 6 years. Had one 6 month relationship in all that time. I have had approx 150 online coffee dates. I never fancy any of them.

In the 6 years I’ve just concentrated on bringing my 2 kids up, my career and making ends meet. I have a good life really, great family and friends but admittedly have been lonely for adult company. I go on holidays alone or with friends and am out most weekends doing sports or with friends.

All this is relevant as I don’t want anyone to think I’m just grasping at straws as I’m that desperate.

Anyway if I read on a thread on mumsnet what I’m about to post, I’d be rolling my eyes and jumping in with advice.

Here goes, 4 days ago I matched with someone on Tinder, there was an instant connection, and we went straight onto WhatsApp, at my suggestion. First red flag “instant connection” I mean what a load of shit, how can you “connect” with someone online??

We’ve talked on the phone a couple
of times, for 2 hours at a time. We laughed nonstop. It was just amazing.

Ok, second red flag …. He works abroad! I know! I know!! Although it’s 2 months away and 1 month home in the UK.

Third red flag- he’s 13 years younger than me! Tall, good looking and from what I can gather from the job he does, very financially secure. He has 2 young adult kids who he see regularly and an ex who isn’t a psycho.

Look I’m a veteran of on-line dating, and I’ve seen it all, but this guy I feel is 100% genuine! Although … 4th red flag I can’t find him on social media and I can normally find anyone!

Right vipers getting ready for the punchline. He’s home in 10 days and … I’m picking him up from the airport!

WTF! I am so excited, we’re talking about a future together. WE HAVEN’T EVEN MET!

He says he feels the same, he’s not gone as far to declare his undying love but he’s said loads of amazingly sweet things. It doesn’t feel like love bombing. He’s only (so he says) been in 2 relationships.

Wish I could enable voting on the App, but I’m being stupidly naive eh?

Should add, I'm in my 50's

Maybe he is who he says he is, does do two months abroad where he lives with his wife and family. Then when he's home he arranges to meet up with women, save himself a taxi fare and gets a shag then ghosts them and blocks them. No one will be able to contact his wife at all with the little info. Hence the delay in calling etc and the having to call in the car instead of the villa he shares with his "housemate".

So far so good OP. Tentatively . But take it easy. OP

Still don't think airport pick up is good. Too awkward and pressured. Too soon.

I’m team married. Very suspicious that he has to have complete privacy from his housemate and he FaceTimed from his car. I mean, who does that apart from people trying to conceal something? I get talking on the phone as you’re driving somewhere but FaceTime sitting in a car?
Screams married to me.

I suggest that you stop acting like a giddy 15 year old OP and screw the grown up head back on.

You have never actually met him, you don't have a clue really what he's like, he is a complete stranger. Before I get abuse for not being signed up to such nonsense, I had a whirlwind romance. I actually met him first, he had provenance and we've been married a long time. It can happen, but not like this, I don't believe.

I think the airport thing is fine but speaking to you from his car def seems suspicious. Especially if it is a big house. For some reason he really doesn't want to be overheard.

Has he sent you any pics of him around his villa like in his kitchen, lounge, his bedroom?

Have you thought about AI? I'm not sure how good it is these days, but they can do voices

Use a filter to change your appearance

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I don't blame you for being confused. He could be legit.

But the thing about talking in his car is weird, right? Can you do a search on the property itself to see who lives there? I did that once with a guy OLD; I searched his name and found he was living with a woman of the same surname, so married. A bit different when he's abroad, but still.

Don't pick him up from the airport. There is no need for anything like that; again it's weird. He can take you out for dinner once he's settled after his flight.

Ask for a selfie of him and his housemate. I'm guessing married too.

It's so weird he called from his car.

Absolutely no one goes to their car to do a call when they have a perfectly good house to use.

Glad you had a good call but he's not out of the woods yet!

Who mentioned being ex-service first? Because that seems to be what is causing you most doubts that he's not entirely been honest.

Also, mid-40s in a large shared house and he doesn't want his housemate to know he's online dating/speaking to a woman on the phone? Calling from the car? What does his friend think he's just done for 90 minutes?

He’s married. His housemate is his wife. Sorry. You were nearly catfished.

He can still be lovely and an actual person and have lied about his job and his wife in the villa.

I’m guessing this guy is who he says he is and if you’re looking for advice OP, if this goes further I suggest that you never tell him about this Post.
Good luck!
Keep your spidey senses going and see what happens.

As soon as you said about two months / one month I thought he’s married. The car calls etc. only confirm it for me

OP - aww bless you! What a head fuck!

BUT this is how good things start. No you don't know everything about him. I don't care that he spoke in his car, so what? Maybe he is a private person.

What you have to do now is get through the days of wondering while flirting, trying not to text marathon and then text marathoning anyway - etc.

Just get through it, you KNOW things don't always work out, you KNOW it could go wrong, but also, it could not. You know this.

High risk but also high possible reward.

So far today he has done what you asked, to reassure you that he is legit.

Time for some time out for you (and me, I'm off) and for you to relax and come back to earth.

I think he is legit, I always did, I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing, you are not stupid and you will leave if you need to. I did not like the bashing he got and the sum of all men's ills being dropped at his feet - I wish you luck with this one, as you feel differently about it, and it CAN happen.

No airport lift. Meet for coffee. You are no fool. Remember that scammers play the long game. Have fun and keep your bank account tightly closed.

He said, which rings true, is that the Villa is large and echoey and every word booms.

He said Villa Mate is on late shifts next week so he'll show me around one evening.

Yeah if he does prove to be genuine, I'll just hope he never finds the thread! I'd tell him one day though.

I've asked to see his passport, with the number hidden! Now that is nuts!

Can you imagine a thread on here - Online dating guy, who I've never met has asked to see my passport!

Hahah you can just imagine the replies!!

Speaking in the car is suspicious. I’m not one to jump straight to assuming the guy is married but it does seem like the most logical explanation. You can surely find privacy in a house?

So when will you meet him in person, OP?

The best lie is one with elements of truth.

He is definitely the guy from the pictures, he probably is military and does 2 months on and 1 month off.

But he’s definitely married.

The car thing is odd for sure, but if he did have a wife inside wouldn't she wonder wtf her husband was doing in the car for an hour and a half???

He’s obviously told her he’s going out somewhere, she wouldn’t check out the windows surely? And even if she did he’d probably have an excuse as to why he was sitting there.

Still doesn't explain the car calling BS.

He was talking business. Needed a better connection. Protracted negotiations relating to a new contract.