I need a good talking to, bring me back down to earth vipers !

[GreenSilks]

I’ve been single for 6 years. Had one 6 month relationship in all that time. I have had approx 150 online coffee dates. I never fancy any of them.

In the 6 years I’ve just concentrated on bringing my 2 kids up, my career and making ends meet. I have a good life really, great family and friends but admittedly have been lonely for adult company. I go on holidays alone or with friends and am out most weekends doing sports or with friends.

All this is relevant as I don’t want anyone to think I’m just grasping at straws as I’m that desperate.

Anyway if I read on a thread on mumsnet what I’m about to post, I’d be rolling my eyes and jumping in with advice.

Here goes, 4 days ago I matched with someone on Tinder, there was an instant connection, and we went straight onto WhatsApp, at my suggestion. First red flag “instant connection” I mean what a load of shit, how can you “connect” with someone online??

We’ve talked on the phone a couple
of times, for 2 hours at a time. We laughed nonstop. It was just amazing.

Ok, second red flag …. He works abroad! I know! I know!! Although it’s 2 months away and 1 month home in the UK.

Third red flag- he’s 13 years younger than me! Tall, good looking and from what I can gather from the job he does, very financially secure. He has 2 young adult kids who he see regularly and an ex who isn’t a psycho.

Look I’m a veteran of on-line dating, and I’ve seen it all, but this guy I feel is 100% genuine! Although … 4th red flag I can’t find him on social media and I can normally find anyone!

Right vipers getting ready for the punchline. He’s home in 10 days and … I’m picking him up from the airport!

WTF! I am so excited, we’re talking about a future together. WE HAVEN’T EVEN MET!

He says he feels the same, he’s not gone as far to declare his undying love but he’s said loads of amazingly sweet things. It doesn’t feel like love bombing. He’s only (so he says) been in 2 relationships.

Wish I could enable voting on the App, but I’m being stupidly naive eh?

Should add, I'm in my 50's

Go back and read all the OP’s posts. Please.

Ah sorry OP.

But look - it's just a bit of wounded pride isn't it. Worse things have happened at sea.

Don't waste any time with an elaborate revenge plot. Lick your wounds and move on. And take comfort from the fact that you clearly knew something was off!

Sorry OP. So nice to meet someone you think you like and who likes you.

All the adventure and the rush again. And the potential .

Better to have found out now . Hugs.

Sorry @AlwaysForksAndMarbles it's late and I've been up since 5 am! I will read it all tomorrow.

Ah sorry he turned out to be just another scammer
Although you couldn't see it, I could, as it happened to me 6 years ago.
Almost identical pattern
Next time you'll hear the alarm bells and check the website your friend gave you

Oil rig guys off GB tend to do 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off, 3 weeks on, 6 weeks off <<repeat>> ... They work 12 hours x 7 days/week when on, and in my experience, spend every minute they can with their kids when off. The Dutch ones fly back to Netherlands from Norwich when they are 'off'

Sh#t. Why can't people just be honest? Great sleuthing OP. Sorry.

I'm so sorry to hear he's just another prick OP, was genuinely hoping it wasn't going to be the case, but I had a pretty strong suspicion it was 😕

If I were you, I would absolutely be stringing him along, right the way til he thought you were leaving for the airport... see what his scam is and treat him like an absolute fool.

But that's me, completely understand why you might just block and move on.

Oh well done OP.
But a shame as you were excited.
Arsehole.

Is he really flying into the UK do you think, or is that all fake?
Am just wondering if there is time to arrange for him to be collected by a horde of angry vipers…

I haven't read all the posts (don't know how to see all the posts written by the 'poster' - would love someone to tell me how .... please?). However this screams of a scam my best friend nearly fell for. Many of you didn't believe the story I was writing about, but some of you did, and were amazingly helpful. The chap my friend was in contact with went abroad to work the day after they first exchanged messages on a dating site. They exchanged hundreds of messages ... he told her he was in love with her, wanted to be with her forever, sent pics of presents he was buying for her, arranged with her that she'd collect him from the airport on his return six weeks later. He had an accident whilst there, sent her pics of his bloody hand and legs. Couldn't work, sent her copies of his bank statement where he'd been paid in advance from the company he'd gone to work for (account had more than a million pounds in), sadly his account had been 'frozen'!!!! He needed money, but he'd repay her!!! I asked on this site if that could be a scam, and some of you were downright rude to me, but some of you sent me computer generated pics of your own bank accounts showing figures of a million pounds, just to show me how easy it was to do. Thank heavens you did, because that made my friend suspicious about the chap. She played him at his own game, and yes, it followed the typical romance scam route. Obviously when she wouldn't send him the fifty thousand pounds that he wanted he called her all the names under the sun and stopped contacting her. The post I'm replying to is sooooo similar .... it has to be a scam.

Please be careful, and please keep us informed how things go. If all goes well and he's a real person that you get to meet, that's great, but if he's a scammer (and I bet he is!), your experience and story on here might stop someone else from falling for the same type of thing.
Best of luck, please keep us updated!

Ahh sorry OP. What an absolute weirdo, why on earth would he?! Maybe the requests for money would come in eventually. Maybe he just likes messing with people. Wow there are some oddballs out there.

@Jillybloop393 you click “see all” on the OP’s post.

The guy has been discovered to be a scammer.

OP that’s so disappointing!! Please don’t let it take the wind out your sails! Onwards!!

Ah crap, sorry OP. Block him, keep your sense of adventure, relegate him to a story to tell.

I’ve been awake an hour or two so now. And just can’t switch off my brain. So am trying to sort the truth from the bullshit, don’t know why, but makes me feel better.

Lies

He’s definitely not been in the military
• lack of picture in uniform
• not knowing 🦀
• Saying his favourite posting was Lossiemouth. Nothing against the place but all of the places to posted in the world why would Lossiemouth be your favourite!
• Not asking about my tours

As a perceptive poster noticed, not mentioning his housemate’s name. I mean why not say “John is so nosy so I’m going to chat to you in the car”. Why call him Villa Mate? Freudian slip? Mate = wife?

Can’t show me passport as it’s in his safe at work because the house boys are renowned for stealing. Ok I admit I don’t know much about expat life in an Arab country. But assume these “house boys” will be from third world countries and wouldn’t risk stealing a bloody passport.

Using a safe at work? Really? Again doesn’t make sense to me.

His name. There is NOTHING online about him. Unusual first name, very common surname. However if he had a commission in the RAF I should find some info about that. I know if you have a commission in the army it comes up in google in official documents.

I think he’s def still married despite saying he caught his wife in flagrante! Said he came home early from an exercise and the image of what he saw is imprinted on his mind (pulling heartstrings anyone)!

Hasn’t had any relationship, not even a kiss since breaking up with wife 4 years ago. I know! I know!

Truth •
He is 100% the person in his pictures.
He is definitely from the UK.
He works abroad.
I think he definitely works for the large international company he says he does. He’s sent me pictures of where he works and I’ve reversed imaged searched them and nothing came up.

So basically he’s just a dirty liar! Probably if not definitely married. Poor cow. I think he’s getting kicks from matching on Tinder and getting lonely women to sext him.

But he’s on the phone all the time. Texting me (and god knows who else) Is she not suspicious??

I want to block him and let him wonder how he slipped up. But also want to see how it plays out. But mostly I just want to punch him. I mean why? What’s he getting out of this. If it was sexting I could understand, getting some wank fodder. But we genuinely have an amazing laugh together, tears running down my face kinda of laughter.

Is it a power thing? He’s obviously some fucked up individual with terrible trauma in his past but jeez Louise, get some therapy!

Anyway s’pose it was fun while it lasted. Passed a couple of wet, dark January days. :(

Thanks again vipers for your support. As always.

Hi @GreenSilks
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.
My friend often uses this Facebook group called "are we dating the same guy".
It has saved her a few times now, from situations like this.
You could try looking for him, or posting him on there.
Good luck x

Sometimes when things seem a bit too good to be true, we initially avoid digging for red flags as we don’t want to spoil the fun.

For me the biggest red flag was the total lack of SM, especially Linked In and zero trace of him online. It’s just pretty inconceivable in this day and age.

Sounds like he’s your big standard ‘creepy catfish’ who is no doubt cheating on his wife/life for kicks.

You could have some fun winding him up. Perhaps you need some money to help with an elderly relative.. Perhaps you’ve decided to visit him in Saudi as you can’t wait any longer..

Wow. What a bummer.

I honestly thought you were onto something. Well done for listening to your head (and friend) and being realistic about potentially being scammed.

Maybe it's just a numbers game for him. If he does this to 5 different women then one might play out for sex when he's back in the U.K.

What a prick.

I feel like I have to know how this ends!!

Please LET it take the wind out of your sales. This over-excited, giddy, hyper-romantic nonsense is just silly and guaranteed to get you hurt in some way. As an aside, if a guy asked me to show him my passport, I'd immediately think he was nuts and run a mile.

Are you just going to ghost and block, or call him out?

Sorry to hear this OP, I suspected as I was taken in by someone similar when I did OLD. Like you I stopped it before anything happened because I got suspicious but I felt both let down and stupid.

I don’t know what these men get out of it, must be a power thing, I understand it at all.

This happened to a male friend. Love bombing is really hard to resist. He fell for it hook line and sinker, and it so affected him he had a breakdown.

@GreenSilks you done good to be suspicious and brave/self protective to be willing to be pulled up by the MN crew.

Interestingly there was two opinions - the go for it and red flag, run a mile. So these instances are very extreme.

You done good.

Good job @GreenSilks . What a creep he turned out to be!