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Original poster

I don’t want to drive this far, please suggest alternatives or do I have to do it

316 replies

Violet877 · 29/12/2023 13:55

DH has booked us a holiday for a week abroad and arranged with his mum that she will have our two year old. We go in two months. His mum lives up north and we live down south so he’s booked our flights from Manchester, so he’s told me I need to drive us to his mums. I stupidly agreed as felt I had to. He doesn’t drive.

im a nervous driver and he knows this, and haven’t driven further than outside London. He wants me to drive as we have all of child stuff his mum needs like car seat, pram, and also our stuff to go away for a week. So he doesn’t want to get the train.

Im feeling very nervous about this (on top of guilt of leaving our 2 year old :( ) and pressured, as he’s booked the cheapest flight so many stop overs, plus have to do the journey back and the idea sounds tiring even though I’m sure we will have a lovely holiday once there. Driving will be easiest in terms of carrying all our stuff, and will probably be about 5 hours no traffic, so I assume 8 hours it’s traffic and breaks.

can anyone please make any suggestions of how else I could do it without driving to suggest to him? Or do I just get on with it.

OP posts:
MzHz · 29/12/2023 16:34

Violet877 · 29/12/2023 15:29

I’ll get some journeys in beforehand and go a few places too, it would be good for me really as I do get anxious driving new places

It WOULD be good to get yourself ready to do more, leaving plenty of time and working out where the motorway services are and plan your stops will really help you.

You absolutely can do this.

the holiday though sounds anything but! Where is your final destination and how long will you be travelling?

LaurieStrode · 29/12/2023 16:35

I love to drive (am 60 and my da taught me when I was 14) so the road trip wouldn't be a problem, at least the driving part. Will your daughter sleep in the car? As others have said, just practice. Maybe you'll come to enjoy it.

But the rest of it sounds a bit shit. Was your husband on board with becoming a parent before the child was conceived? He certainly seems clueless and resentful.

Is there anyone who could stay with your daughter in your home? A known childminder, nursery worker, etc.? Why won't his mum come to you?

What would it cost to change the flights to something more convenient? You say you aren't going to Europe, then it must be quite a long flight?

Tinselunderthetv · 29/12/2023 16:36

Driving wise you will be fine, I recommend m40, M6 toll. M6, M56 I do it all the time, hate driving in London on the other hand

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Families
JingleSnowmanTree · 29/12/2023 16:38

Calmdown14 · 29/12/2023 16:14

I'd book a train. Get your mum to our a message in local FB pages for a car seat to borrow or buy. There's always loads of these on ours and as they have little second hand value you'd get one for under 20 quid.

Two adults can manage luggage between them. One big Wheely case, one rucksack, one big bag you can hang on back of buggy.

No point being stressed to the hilt if you don't like it. Go a day early so you have plenty of time and can settle your son.

@Calmdown14 I'm sure the OP is far too sensible to buy a used car seat off FB. Only a total idiot would do that.

AnneElliott · 29/12/2023 16:43

I'd happily drive to Manchester but it's very cheeky of him to arrange this when it's going to be you doing the driving!

What is it with these men who can't drive! My friends ex was the same - all up for a wedding in Cornwall with a 2 year old - but he was t the one driving or doing any of the boring parenting shit.

I wouldn't go - 3 stop overs is way too much hassle for a weeks holiday! But if you do feel you have to go then you need a sat nav, practice and plenty of stops.

Cherrysoup · 29/12/2023 16:43

Where the buggery are you going that needs 3 changes of plane for a mere week?!

PiggieWig · 29/12/2023 16:46

Sorry, it’s a long thread so I haven’t read it all. Where are the three stopovers? If one’s in London, eg Heathrow, can MIL train it down to you to collect DC and you skip a leg of the journey? Sounds like a nightmare.

Otherwise I’d just get the train to Manc. I regularly used to fly from Manchester with my two on my own, including when the youngest was in a buggy, and I managed the train to the airport fine. With two of you, it’s doable - and loads quicker. Two and a bit hours rather than 5.

Pre-book your seats, and get a taxi from Piccadilly to MILs.

StaunchMomma · 29/12/2023 16:50

I think your best bet is night or very early driving and lots of planned stops at services along the way.

Driving in & around London is way more stressful than driving up North, OP. You'll be on a motorway for a long part of the journey so you can pootle in the slow lane if feeling wobbly. Also, use the M6 toll road if you'll be using that motorway stretch.

I'd also use Google maps or AA autoroute to research the Northern part of the journey that's giving you the most anxiety.

I do think you need to drive more if you're a nervous driver. It's the only way to up your confidence.

Tbry24 · 29/12/2023 16:52

If the motorways are the problem, I understand as I don’t like driving on them anymore. Find an alternative route and stop every hour or so to stretch your legs and give your mind a break.

As for your husband ….. utterly selfish!

Themostimportantpartis · 29/12/2023 16:54

Northern roads work on exactly the same rules as southern roads, why is it any different to driving down south?

ThePoetsWife · 29/12/2023 16:55

It's two hours train journey to Manchester - far easier to go by train

MILTOBE · 29/12/2023 16:56

That's not going to be much of a holiday with all the changes, especially when you factor in the stress of driving for a full day each side of the holiday.

I'd tell him to go on his own and I'd stay home with your daughter.

thisfilmisboring · 29/12/2023 16:56

@pinkyredrose

What like the man OP is married to who won’t even have lessons?

What does being a woman have to do with it anyway.
If she’s a nervous driver, then she’s a nervous driver.
Shouldn’t be feeling forced or pressured into a five hour drive, especially by her non-driver husband.

I think a lot of posters are being very dismissive of the fact op has said she’s a nervous driver.

UnbeatenMum · 29/12/2023 16:59

Even if you decide to go ahead this time I would say to your H that holidays need to be discussed and agreed before booking in future and need to take into account both of your priorities. His stress doesn't trump your right to be involved in decisions.

ThePoetsWife · 29/12/2023 16:59

Agree that you have much bigger issues than the holiday - it sounds like a very unhealthy marriage

londonmummy1966 · 29/12/2023 16:59

Assuming that your little one will be staying with grandma a bit over the next couple of years it would probably be worth getting her a travel cot and car seat to stay there. SO buy them and have them delivered to hers. Then you can get the train with the rest of the stuff and leave the buggy with her whilst you're away. Meals can be given with the baby in the buggy rather than a high chair. FWIW I once travelled on the train alone to stay with a friend with an 18m and 3yo with 2 travel cots a double buggy and 2 car seats - I got a friend to come with me in the taxi to the station and my friend met me at the other end with her car. The only issue was getting everything off the train promptly but I just had a chat with the guard so they knew to check we were all out before blowing their whistle....

Peachy2005 · 29/12/2023 16:59

Ignoring the driving issue, I can’t believe he’s forcing you to leave your 2 year old, who you haven’t left before, with a grand parent he/she barely knows…and for a week, not just a night! Unless you actually want this holiday, let him take the train to Manchester and he can take his mum on hols. If your relationship is that precarious, I don’t see how this holiday is going to save it, sorry 😢

WittyBrittleTrier · 29/12/2023 17:00

We travelled by train and couriered our suitcases to my mum’s when our son was younger. Suprisingly cheap and took away all the stress of travelling on crowded trains and across London with big luggage. We hired a car seat when we were down there - again, very affordable. You deserve to be able to relax too!

RosesAndHellebores · 29/12/2023 17:00

Just put your destination in sat nav and point the car. Motorway driving in the North is the same as in the South. Allow 50 miles per hour. Stops every 90 minutes or so. Lucky you that your MIL will have your toddler for a whole week.

Your dh needs to learn better communication and negotiation skills regarding holidays so that what is booked is what you both want. Your DH needs to learn to drive.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 29/12/2023 17:00

Jane0Jane · 29/12/2023 15:58

Fuck that, there is absolutely no way I'd go on this holiday. The driving would be the least of my worries. I'd not be leaving my 2 year old for a week with someone they don't know very well for a start.
Your dh sounds like a massive prick.
Let me guess. He found having a baby really hard, wah wah wah and he needs to be centre of your attention again for a week.

Have a good think about how this man treats you. I bet he's a selfish dick in many ways.

This 100%

flashbac · 29/12/2023 17:01

I'm sorry but your bloke sounds selfish. Don't have anymore kids with him whatever you do. Sounds like he is calling all the shots and not considering your wellbeing or needs at all.

pinkyredrose · 29/12/2023 17:04

JingleSnowmanTree · 29/12/2023 15:55

@pinkyredrose No need to be so horrible.

There are plenty of men who don't drive or don't do long drives. just because you don't hear men say it (hardly surprising) So don't be daft.

Show quote history

How was what I said 'horrible'? If the OP can drive and her other half can't it makes sense for her to drive up north. Some refresher lessons would help with her nervousness.

I'm more agog at a flight with three stop offs!

BasiliskStare · 29/12/2023 17:04

Lots of people are fine with driving some aren't. I took a train journey south to north in November and there were plenty of people with a child a big suitcase or two and a buggy .

@Violet877 I would swap the driving for the train.

clara778 · 29/12/2023 17:06

Yes people are being dismissive, I've been driving almost 30 years, I still don't really like it. yes I will do it. if I can go by train, I will always do that.
BUT you are asking OP to drive a very long distance with a two year old, who isn't used to driving..plus a useless husband. Driving on motorways, which she hasn't done.

Far too stressful imho, especially of you consider a return leg, with jet lag.

Get the train..or refuse. He can sort a driving licence out if he needs to going forward.

You have the power to say no to the driving, you book the train, job done, if he doesn't like it..tough..he booked a holiday without consultation.

MeMySonAnd1 · 29/12/2023 17:12

start driving just after dinner and have a sleepover at his mum.

Child will sleep all the way there, you can allocate for coffee breaks and avoid traffic.

With a sleeping child and no traffic, it will be a breeze. Just make sure you have enough sleep the night before so don’t leave the packing until the last minute.