I don’t want to drive this far, please suggest alternatives or do I have to do it

[Violet877]

DH has booked us a holiday for a week abroad and arranged with his mum that she will have our two year old. We go in two months. His mum lives up north and we live down south so he’s booked our flights from Manchester, so he’s told me I need to drive us to his mums. I stupidly agreed as felt I had to. He doesn’t drive.

im a nervous driver and he knows this, and haven’t driven further than outside London. He wants me to drive as we have all of child stuff his mum needs like car seat, pram, and also our stuff to go away for a week. So he doesn’t want to get the train.

Im feeling very nervous about this (on top of guilt of leaving our 2 year old :( ) and pressured, as he’s booked the cheapest flight so many stop overs, plus have to do the journey back and the idea sounds tiring even though I’m sure we will have a lovely holiday once there. Driving will be easiest in terms of carrying all our stuff, and will probably be about 5 hours no traffic, so I assume 8 hours it’s traffic and breaks.

can anyone please make any suggestions of how else I could do it without driving to suggest to him? Or do I just get on with it.

@pinkyredrose

he doesn't drive, by choice, he's forcing her to drive when she's nervous telling her it's no big deal.

yet it's her you tell to get balls & get on with it.
?!?!

At best you'd be an inexperienced motorway driver, driving after a long journey and a week of sleeping in strange beds (ie you might be very tired).

I thought flights from Gatwick or Heathrow were usually cheaper. Going from Manchester with stopovers seems a bit ridiculous.

I'm sure you will be fine with the drive (most people who don't drive in London think that's worse than other places). I'm not sure why leaving your 2 yr old with someone they don't really know is better than taking them on holiday with you.

@tescocreditcard

well, that doesn't take into account getting to the airport after abandoning her small DD, with a woman she barely knows for a WEEK, 3 flight changes for a weeks holiday, the whole thing in reverse then driving straight home after collecting a traumatised or at est a very upset/confused toddler who will no doubt want mummy & cuddles, nit to be strapped into a car seat for the he'll drive home.

all because a stupid/selfish git wants a holiday in a daft location.

NO bloody way.

If you are fine on London A roads, the motorway will be a cakewalk. People in London drive like lunatics. Once you're clear of the M25 it'll be downright relaxing.

@Diggerdriverless because he doesn't want their toddler there. He wants to
pretend they're childless again. Poor little selfish twat hasn't wised up he's a father now.

He doesn't seem like much of a catch does he? Nor a great holiday companion. Maybe OP should let him go alone - then he can sort his own travel to the airport.

Tbh after the Ops updates I think she should refuse to go on this holiday full stop. It sounds way more stress then it's worth.

I get really nervous about long, unfamiliar journeys too, so I can empathise! My advice is: take time to study the map well before the day. Don’t just rely on Sat Nav, make sure you have a good idea of the route before you set off. Where it looks like there may be trickier bits to navigate, I use Google Maps Street View to work it out in advance, to avoid panicking on the day! Generally, I find motorways pretty straightforward - just make sure you plan some rest & refuel stops. Allow plenty of extra time for your journey so you don’t feel rushed. Consider booking stopovers before/after your flights so there’s no pressure on the day you’re driving/you’re not too tired. I know it’d be expensive, but may be worth it for your peace of mind! Oh, and make sure you check your tyre pressures beforehand and have breakdown cover/number handy just in case! The only way to get more comfortable with driving is to do it. And I agree with other posters - if you can drive in London, heading north should be fine for you! Good luck and I hope you enjoy your holiday! 😊

Where are you going though? I'm intrigued now 🤣

This.

Put your readers on and read the thread again - the OP agreed to the drive before he booked.

this. It may be a holiday for him but it doesn't sound like one for you

For god’s sake stop rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic. Pack dh’s bag and send him off alone. Tell him he can come back when he can figure out how not to be a pratt.

Is it really a good idea to leave a 2 year old in a strange house with someone the child doesn’t really know well (however nice they may be) for a whole week and travel away to a fairly distant country just for a holiday? It just seems cruel and unnecessary to me. Poor kid. They are old enough to really miss you but not old enough to understand time or even to understand that you will actually eventually come back. It would be different perhaps if you were leaving them with someone they were used to staying with overnight on a regular basis and in a familiar environment although even then at two years of age, a week is a very long time.
Also when you return from holiday you may have an extra-clingy child who doesn’t want to be left alone day or night. Is it worth it?

@Violet877

I don't see any way to transport DC's paraphernalia other than to drive. So unless MiL wants to buy a whole new set of what DC needs, I think you're stuck.

I'm in my 60s and routinely do a 7 hour 450 mile drive to my home town and then back home once to twice a year. Of course I'm familiar with the route and it's all freeway so that part of it is different. But you're most likely much younger than me so all you need is more confidence.

You have two months. I'd start right now doing the sort of driving you're nervous about. Set your satnav for an unknown/unfamiliar destination and just go. Can you get on a motorway and just drive out an hour and then back? If you're nervous about country roads, do the same. Practice makes perfect, so keep practicing. Start 'solo', then do a few with DH and DC. Soon you'll feel more confident.

I'd also plan an overnight coming and going. That way if you do get stressed you'll know you don't have to do the complete drive and that you'll be stopping in a few hours. If it's an 8 hour drive, I'd plan to drive 5, then finish up with 3 the next day.

And you say DH 'doesn't' drive, not that he 'can't'. Unless there's a good reason why he literally can't drive, he needs to get off his ass and learn. I live in a place where not driving is a real oddity, but even if I didn't I'd never be with a man who wouldn't drive.

DH doesn’t drive because its another way of controlling OP. If the marriage would be wrecked by her not agreeing to this stupid trip she should put a stake through its heart. The whole thing:from planning to execution, shrieks of a man who doesn’t care at all about either his wife or child.

I suspect your DD will be extremely upset and very clingy when you return. A week is a very long time at that age. Can't you just take the DC with you?

This isn't REALLY about driving at all! You are married to a selfish man-child and you need to find your backbone and calmly stand up for yourself. In all areas of your life and marriage and for the sake of your child just tell him what you want, just do it!

There seems to be a total lack of communication between the couple when planning this holiday !

Plus planning for the child

Suggest visit MIL before holiday with child or MIL comes to visit

No, because we did it years ago. As non drivers, there have been a few long taxi rides over the years. However, the most recent long journeys were to and from home to late brother when he was very ill. So I can tell you that a 2 hour one way trip with our local cab company is about £150.

This seems so strange. There must be more to it? Where is he taking you and why? It doesn’t make sense. Even from his own selfish viewpoint of wanting a child-free holiday, he could save money without all that flight hassle. Do you actually know where you are going? Does he have family there? Why so far and why such a convoluted journey? Do you trust him not to make you carry drugs somewhere? Could you get stuck/ trapped abroad by yourself? This is actually so unreasonable a proposition for a holiday that there may even potentially be some danger to you. What if you couldn’t get home to your child? If you have friends and family yourself please talk it through with them.

Ah yes that old chestnut - communication - suggesting somehow that OP is 50% responsible for this ridiculous plan.

No the problem here is that the H is a selfish ass hat.

Op, I hope you’re able to address your OH’s self-centred ness with him. I was a bit worried that you seem to have ignored that aspect of things. And so often on here new fathers who have ‘trouble adjusting’ to their lives as fathers turn out to be selfish or abusive pricks who have the wife convinced she’s the problem.

3 stopovers? Where are you going?