Would you resent a colleague who has this ‘privilege’

[Resentedpumpkin]

Which is actually a reasonable adjustment?

Asd and adhd plus ME - I’m needing more and more breaks due to ASD and avoiding shutdown. It’s been agreed on my return after 2 weeks off (shutdown and selective mutism) . So now when it gets too much I’m able to log off (if WFH) or leave my desk for up to 30 mins as many times as needed per day.

it’s been once or twice a day but yesterday happened 4 times (10 mins, 30 mins, 25 mins and 5 mins)

Had some sarcastic and off remarks about it from others and now just feeling shit and embarrassed. Everyone is aware of my conditions so it’s not like they don’t know

But you have your health.

She’s not doing badly, always out and about. Fit enough to go shopping and eating out etc. Yet whenever a return to work is mentioned she’s suddenly in pain again. 🙄

Bloody hell, I'd hate to be your colleague.

Not sure how that's relevant to OP who is not "faking" anything. Sounds like yoy just wanted to have a whinge about your colleague who you seem to know intimately both her medical details and personal life despite the fact you obviously hate her.

Have you seen anyone about these strong feelings?

I resent businesses that refuse to equip themselves for people exercising their right to good health, like never maintaining good staff levels to cover the gaps that inevitably arise when you, you know, hire actual human beings!

But resent someone for being protective of their leave/adjustments? No way.

Rights aren't pie, I won't get less if you have your full share.

Imagine coming back 5 days later to try and start another argument 🤦🏼‍♀️

Imagine talking like how you manage to cope with "minimal adjustments" makes you somehow better than all those other autistic people with their hand-flapping and their sunglasses in the office.

Imagine talking about the OP, who wants the reasonable adjustments that she is entitled to by law, as "expect[ing] the whole world to pander to [her]".

Imagine thinking that responding to a new post on a thread I'm already on is starting an argument.

A lot of my colleagues who are off sick with stress get worse when they return to work too.

Perhaps your colleague's and mine's illnesses are made worse by their jobs?

Totally agree @VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia

my MH is fucked because of lack of reasonable adjustments. wish i could cope like @InAMess2023 can but i just can't. but being made to feel bad because apparently I am asking people to "pander" to me - that's not particularly nice. but it also reflects the attitude i face at work.

it must be so cool having the kind of autism which doesn't impact you daily.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia well mods deleted your response so I couldn't actually respond... what does that tell you about what kind of response you made.

For the record I have NEVER once said I am better than anyone else with autism, nor did I imply anyone was pandering to the OP - but like if or not there are people out there who are playing the system!

Also @Scautish I think you'll find my ASD does impact me significantly on a daily basis. Cheers for the assumptions though 👌🏼

what does that tell you about what kind of response you made

That they objected to my initial choice of words taken from the Black civil rights and women's rights lexicons, not the content, because I restated the sentiment with different words when I wrote "Imagine talking like how you manage to cope with "minimal adjustments" makes you somehow better than all those other autistic people with their hand-flapping and their sunglasses in the office."

When you wrote as self-description "an ASD human who has minimal reasonable adjustments and doesn't expect the whole world to pander to me", you equated needing reasonable adjustments that are anything more than "minimal" with "the whole world pandering". You may not have written the exact words "I am superior to those other autistic people who need more adjustments" but that meaning is present and clear.

@InAMess2023 your statement was

an ASD human who has minimal reasonable adjustments and doesn't expect the whole world to pander to me

that doesn't suggest a struggle and further, suggests that those who do are being pathetic.

and as for your "playing the system" comment - completely unnecessary. the system is set up for neurotypical people and most autistic people get fuck all out of it (less than 20% of autistic people in FT employment). why focus on the (probably fictional) 0.01% who "play the system" and focus on the vast vast majority of autistic people who are fucked by the system.

but well done again for your minimal adjustments and stoicism.

x-post @VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia !

I hope it works out for you OP but I do think you're being a bit unreasonable as it seems that you are accepting this adjustment but you expect no one else to have an issue when it's reasonable they would.

@InAMess2023

https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/news/new-data-on-the-autism-employment-gap

22% in ANY kind of employment.

I have to say it natural for them to resent you doing an hours less work and then having to possibly pick up the slack

If they're being paid the same as you but working more then it won't feel fair

@Scautish self selecting sample. It doesn't reflect the whole of the general population. It appears to be based on surveys around disability, and I know that i and many other ND people I know wouldn't include themselves as disabled in the first place

I won't be replying further as like I said, I have better things to do

I also don't think you can compare it to someone back from maternity needing to express milk either

self selecting sample

Well someone doesn't know how the Office for National Statistics operate the Labour Force Survey...

Did you actually bother to even skim-read the source data before dismissing it?

With as much respect as I can give- do people really not get that when people are given extended RTW, extra time off, redeployments to ‘soft’ areas etc that this will not cause resentment. Like - seriously. People know when they are working their arses off for £16 an hour and when others are not. It’s not rocket science. I feel resentment that I work extra and unpaid OT and to have someone else take extra breaks and get paid the same, I mean- it’s obvious there is going to be team resentment after a while.
it isn’t personal. It’s the simple fact that I am having to do extra work due to someone else not doing it but getting paid for it.
The reason for it is actually irrelevant, I don’t care if it is due to repeat short term illnesses, or due to a broken arm. Unless you have something which is life threatening then there is a limit that I will resent.
if you can not see why that occurs then perhaps you need to empathise with the people who are covering for those who are doing all the work, who turn up every shift, who don’t need the extra time off leaving others in the crap. TBH - you can’t do the job then don’t take the pay.

You're resenting the wrong person though. It's the employer's responsibility to make sure that workloads are reasonable across the team. And frankly, if you resent a disabled person their reasonable adjustments, you're a jerk.

Employment rights aren't like pie. You don't get less because I get my share. And it's certainly not my fault if you end up working unpaid overtime, I'm not to blame if you don't stand up for your right to decent working conditions.

It's not a race to the bottom to see who can be treated the worst at work.

Have you been able to figure out whether there is a particular trigger that brings on your selective mutism?

Is there a pattern as to when it comes on, that you can look to avoid. Whilst the reasonable adjustment helps you to get the problem back under control that's surely just an after-the-fact sticky plaster, especially if it's happening to you 4 times a day.

If you can try to avoid situations that trigger it in the first place (which could mean moving to a different role) that would be better for you in the long run. It doesn't sound like your current role is suitable for you, which then causes your episodes and hence all the snidely comments from colleagues who really don't understand or want to understand your condition.