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Original poster

Would you resent a colleague who has this ‘privilege’

681 replies

Resentedpumpkin · 18/12/2023 16:49

Which is actually a reasonable adjustment?

Asd and adhd plus ME - I’m needing more and more breaks due to ASD and avoiding shutdown. It’s been agreed on my return after 2 weeks off (shutdown and selective mutism) . So now when it gets too much I’m able to log off (if WFH) or leave my desk for up to 30 mins as many times as needed per day.

it’s been once or twice a day but yesterday happened 4 times (10 mins, 30 mins, 25 mins and 5 mins)

Had some sarcastic and off remarks about it from others and now just feeling shit and embarrassed. Everyone is aware of my conditions so it’s not like they don’t know

OP posts:
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9
Mangledrake · 19/12/2023 12:21

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 11:59

@BusyMummyWrites

8 weeks not 1 week

OP is in her first week back.

This arrangement is a short-term plan to be reviewed after eight weeks.

It is definitely too soon to say it's not working. OP taking breaks is what's meant to happen. This is a recovery period.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 12:24

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:17

it is as though she decided to ask the question but resolutely refused to answer any question that may actually allow for a reasoned discussion

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Bingo square: Disabled people are responsible for their manager's decisions.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 12:25

SirChenjins · 19/12/2023 09:18

Did you see the bit about ‘which hasn’t been addressed’?

So no, her colleagues are not necessarily nasty people despite what some people are claiming.

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If they take out their frustrations with management on OP then they are nasty people, end of discussion.

ElevenSeven · 19/12/2023 12:28

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 12:25

If they take out their frustrations with management on OP then they are nasty people, end of discussion.

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Taking it up with management is exactly what should happen, but it’s also frustrating if people have to do this, because management haven’t proactively organised the workload properly, due to RA’a or any other reason.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 12:29

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:20

many of the posters being bellowed at for being disabilist were simply asking questions

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The questions were themselves rooted in disablist prejudices. Did you read the poster who suggested that an autist might go shopping during a sensory break?

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 12:35

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:28

asking what you do and where do you go on these breaks. Or being told you deserve to be paid less.

the former questions are reasonable in my mind ie the 999 call handler example

the second is wrong

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There's no reason, other than disablism, to ask where someone goes during their sensory break. Nor what they do during it. It is their own business and will involve them doing whatever works for them to reset.

It doesn't matter what someone's job is during their sensory break because they are not working during the sensory break.

SirChenjins · 19/12/2023 12:52

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 12:29

The questions were themselves rooted in disablist prejudices. Did you read the poster who suggested that an autist might go shopping during a sensory break?

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She said ‘many’, and I think that’s fair. To quote a couple of posters and then extrapolate that to ‘all posters who have asked any questions are disablist’ is incorrect and unfair.

InAMess2023 · 19/12/2023 13:11

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 12:24

Bingo square: Disabled people are responsible for their manager's decisions.

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Really not sure where you're getting that reach from... all the poster pointed out was that we don't know enough about the situation, and OP hasn't clarified when asked questions (and no, I don't mean that her colleagues are in any way justified for making comments)

Also by the way, as a person with autism I (and many others) find the term autist offensive.

Original poster
Resentedpumpkin · 19/12/2023 14:47

I wasn’t going to come back to this thread as was feeling very upset about it all.

I spoke to my manager this morning about everything I was going to resign tbh I was so upset and we had a very long conversation. He has spoken to everyone now and told them in no uncertain terms that we are an inclusive workplace and on multiple occasions in the past I’ve done more than my fair share and been a reliable employee for just over 4 years. That if anyone has a dose and thinks their workload is increasing due to adjustments made for me to speak to him and he will take responsibility for that even if he has to do more himself.

He told me that his son has autism and he has absolutely no tolerance for discrimination

OP posts:
Original poster
Resentedpumpkin · 19/12/2023 14:47

dose - issue

OP posts:
SomethingSpangly · 19/12/2023 14:54

That's fantastic and exactly what needed to happen. Now just stand tall and kill every moaner with kindness. Just focus on you and your work, it's still early days and you have support.

Well done for speaking up, even if it was with the thought of leaving l'm glad youve been talked round ❤

Christmasbrie · 19/12/2023 14:57

Glad you sorted it OP, hopefully your manager has learnt as well for next time as well to save the next person having to go through the nastiness.

cezannesapple · 19/12/2023 14:58

That’s lovely to hear. I’m really glad you were able to speak to your manager.

SirChenjins · 19/12/2023 14:59

That's good on both counts - I'm glad you've got it sorted and that your colleagues won't have to worry about additional work as a result.

randomstress · 19/12/2023 14:59

I'm glad that your manager was supportive of you OP and asked people to come to him with issues rather than complain to you.

If I was another employee who felt that there were issues I would feel rather concerned that the manager was emotionally invested in you for personal reasons so might not be unbiased.

He also sounds a little martyrish in his statement about even doing more himself.

But I suspect that people will definitely keep their complaints to themselves now and hopefully you can get well again.

LauderSyme · 19/12/2023 15:24

@Resentedpumpkin I am so glad you had a productive and supportive talk with your manager 😊 I want to give him a shout-out and a little cheer for the excellent way he seems to have handled it today!

I hope you are feeling much better - not shit or embarrassed any more - because you should never have been made to feel those things in the first place. I hope you feel much more valued and confident and resilient. Take care x

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 16:03

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 12:29

The questions were themselves rooted in disablist prejudices. Did you read the poster who suggested that an autist might go shopping during a sensory break?

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out of interest - do you work? if so are you happy with the adjustments made for you?

Genuine question btw not loaded. I am curious.

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 16:05

Resentedpumpkin · 19/12/2023 14:47

I wasn’t going to come back to this thread as was feeling very upset about it all.

I spoke to my manager this morning about everything I was going to resign tbh I was so upset and we had a very long conversation. He has spoken to everyone now and told them in no uncertain terms that we are an inclusive workplace and on multiple occasions in the past I’ve done more than my fair share and been a reliable employee for just over 4 years. That if anyone has a dose and thinks their workload is increasing due to adjustments made for me to speak to him and he will take responsibility for that even if he has to do more himself.

He told me that his son has autism and he has absolutely no tolerance for discrimination

That is great new Op

shame he hadnt done it ages ago!

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 16:07

I’m able to log off (if WFH) or leave my desk for up to 30 mins as many times as needed per day.

last week you were 30 mins and 25 mins

what happens if you go over 30 mins?

Strawberryjams · 19/12/2023 16:52

Resentedpumpkin · 19/12/2023 14:47

I wasn’t going to come back to this thread as was feeling very upset about it all.

I spoke to my manager this morning about everything I was going to resign tbh I was so upset and we had a very long conversation. He has spoken to everyone now and told them in no uncertain terms that we are an inclusive workplace and on multiple occasions in the past I’ve done more than my fair share and been a reliable employee for just over 4 years. That if anyone has a dose and thinks their workload is increasing due to adjustments made for me to speak to him and he will take responsibility for that even if he has to do more himself.

He told me that his son has autism and he has absolutely no tolerance for discrimination

I’m so glad you have a supportive boss, keep your chin up I’m so glad you spoke to them and hope it’s made you feel better.

JoyeuxNarwhal · 19/12/2023 16:54

Resentedpumpkin · 19/12/2023 14:47

I wasn’t going to come back to this thread as was feeling very upset about it all.

I spoke to my manager this morning about everything I was going to resign tbh I was so upset and we had a very long conversation. He has spoken to everyone now and told them in no uncertain terms that we are an inclusive workplace and on multiple occasions in the past I’ve done more than my fair share and been a reliable employee for just over 4 years. That if anyone has a dose and thinks their workload is increasing due to adjustments made for me to speak to him and he will take responsibility for that even if he has to do more himself.

He told me that his son has autism and he has absolutely no tolerance for discrimination

That's great @Resentedpumpkin, I hope things go well for you Flowers

Lesson for manager is that that discussion should have been had with your colleagues before you came back really!

bonzaitree · 19/12/2023 17:00

That’s great OP. Well done xxx

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 17:41

InAMess2023 · 19/12/2023 13:11

Really not sure where you're getting that reach from... all the poster pointed out was that we don't know enough about the situation, and OP hasn't clarified when asked questions (and no, I don't mean that her colleagues are in any way justified for making comments)

Also by the way, as a person with autism I (and many others) find the term autist offensive.

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As an autistic person, or autist, I (and many others) find the term "person with autism" offensive. It implies that my autism could be taken away from me or "cured" without fundamentally changing who I am. I regard "autist" as equivalent to someone using "migraineur" to describe me in the context of my migraines. But we both know that terminology is a debate that's not been resolved amongst autistic people yet.

OP's colleagues are not justified in resenting OP for her reasonable adjustments. They might be justified in resenting her management, but not her. Ultimately, the final say on reasonable adjustments is the employer's unless challenged at tribunal. OP doesn't need to tell me anything about her RAs for me to know that fact of employment law.

InAMess2023 · 19/12/2023 17:53

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 17:41

As an autistic person, or autist, I (and many others) find the term "person with autism" offensive. It implies that my autism could be taken away from me or "cured" without fundamentally changing who I am. I regard "autist" as equivalent to someone using "migraineur" to describe me in the context of my migraines. But we both know that terminology is a debate that's not been resolved amongst autistic people yet.

OP's colleagues are not justified in resenting OP for her reasonable adjustments. They might be justified in resenting her management, but not her. Ultimately, the final say on reasonable adjustments is the employer's unless challenged at tribunal. OP doesn't need to tell me anything about her RAs for me to know that fact of employment law.

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Oh get down off your high horse. I'm not saying it's justified to resent the OP, I'm saying that depending on whether others in the team are expected to pick up additional work it may give some indication as to why they might feel resentful.

Oh and 'migraineur'? Sorry but I have to laugh...in all my years of working in the NHS and having many friends and close family who have suffered migraines that is the first and only time I've ever heard of this. An autist sounds like a profession which I don't have. I stated person with autism but even autistic person is fine.

Check me off whichever imaginary 'bingo card' you seem to be so gleefully enjoying, I really don't care

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 17:58

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 16:03

out of interest - do you work? if so are you happy with the adjustments made for you?

Genuine question btw not loaded. I am curious.

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I have just come off shift.

RAs for me are a work in progress as I was only diagnosed last calendar year. As is Access To Work...

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