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Original poster

Would you resent a colleague who has this ‘privilege’

681 replies

Resentedpumpkin · 18/12/2023 16:49

Which is actually a reasonable adjustment?

Asd and adhd plus ME - I’m needing more and more breaks due to ASD and avoiding shutdown. It’s been agreed on my return after 2 weeks off (shutdown and selective mutism) . So now when it gets too much I’m able to log off (if WFH) or leave my desk for up to 30 mins as many times as needed per day.

it’s been once or twice a day but yesterday happened 4 times (10 mins, 30 mins, 25 mins and 5 mins)

Had some sarcastic and off remarks about it from others and now just feeling shit and embarrassed. Everyone is aware of my conditions so it’s not like they don’t know

OP posts:
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9
SirChenjins · 19/12/2023 09:18

CleverLilViper · 19/12/2023 09:12

Which they should raise through management, not through snide remarks to the OP.

So, either way, they are being bullies by picking on someone who requires an adjustment and blaming her for their potential workload increasing-rather than raising their concerns through management.

Whichever way you cut it, the colleagues are nasty people.

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Did you see the bit about ‘which hasn’t been addressed’?

So no, her colleagues are not necessarily nasty people despite what some people are claiming.

CleverLilViper · 19/12/2023 09:19

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:17

it is as though she decided to ask the question but resolutely refused to answer any question that may actually allow for a reasoned discussion

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Or maybe she's just got sick of the ableist crap that has been spewed her way by a number of posters.

It's hardly appealing to remain in a thread where you're being hounded by someone asking what you do and where do you go on these breaks. Or being told you deserve to be paid less. Or, better yet, that she's a pisstake and shouldn't be in the job.

Just a thought.

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:19

Had some sarcastic and off remarks about it

what did they actually say Op? (not that you will respond)

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:20

CleverLilViper · 19/12/2023 09:19

Or maybe she's just got sick of the ableist crap that has been spewed her way by a number of posters.

It's hardly appealing to remain in a thread where you're being hounded by someone asking what you do and where do you go on these breaks. Or being told you deserve to be paid less. Or, better yet, that she's a pisstake and shouldn't be in the job.

Just a thought.

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many of the posters being bellowed at for being disabilist were simply asking questions

CleverLilViper · 19/12/2023 09:21

SirChenjins · 19/12/2023 09:18

Did you see the bit about ‘which hasn’t been addressed’?

So no, her colleagues are not necessarily nasty people despite what some people are claiming.

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Did you see the part where this is a management issue, NOT an OP one?

If they have an issue, they should cut it with the nasty comments to the OP and raise it with management.

So, yes they absolutely are nasty people, and so are you if you think making sarcastic, nasty remarks to someone who is struggling is ok and the proper way of dealing with workplace issues.

CleverLilViper · 19/12/2023 09:21

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:20

many of the posters being bellowed at for being disabilist were simply asking questions

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Except they weren't.

Did you deliberately skip the examples I provided in my post?

Bernardmanning · 19/12/2023 09:24

As a short term, back to work option, then I think that it's fine and that your colleagues should be much kinder. As a long term solution it will be up to your employer. You may mind that a combination of home working or reduced hours with another review in 6 maths etc might help.

YuleDragon · 19/12/2023 09:27

btw.

If you're someone who gets upset about a colleague who has been off sick having a phased return, or having adjustments made to accommodate their disability, and thinks they ought to have their pay docked for either of those scenarios. you're a cunt.

HTH!

Pray you never find yourself in their position.

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:28

CleverLilViper · 19/12/2023 09:21

Except they weren't.

Did you deliberately skip the examples I provided in my post?

Show quote history

asking what you do and where do you go on these breaks. Or being told you deserve to be paid less.

the former questions are reasonable in my mind ie the 999 call handler example

the second is wrong

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:28

the key here is that the reasonable adjustments aren’t working…. for the OP!!!

CleverLilViper · 19/12/2023 09:28

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:28

asking what you do and where do you go on these breaks. Or being told you deserve to be paid less.

the former questions are reasonable in my mind ie the 999 call handler example

the second is wrong

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See the post above yours.

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:29

not sure which one you’re referring to
probably best to quote when you refer to a specific post

CleverLilViper · 19/12/2023 09:31

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:29

not sure which one you’re referring to
probably best to quote when you refer to a specific post

So, you can't read the post above the one I quoted? 😂

Says it all really, doesn't it?

SirChenjins · 19/12/2023 09:31

CleverLilViper · 19/12/2023 09:21

Did you see the part where this is a management issue, NOT an OP one?

If they have an issue, they should cut it with the nasty comments to the OP and raise it with management.

So, yes they absolutely are nasty people, and so are you if you think making sarcastic, nasty remarks to someone who is struggling is ok and the proper way of dealing with workplace issues.

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Yes, it’s a management issue and the additional work that’s been created has not been addressed by them.

HTH.

And no, they’re not necessarily so - just as the OP isn’t some of the things she’s been accused of.

YuleDragon · 19/12/2023 09:32

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 09:28

asking what you do and where do you go on these breaks. Or being told you deserve to be paid less.

the former questions are reasonable in my mind ie the 999 call handler example

the second is wrong

Show quote history

why do you think its any of your business what your colleagues do, or where they go on the breaks they've been allowed via a reasonable adjustment?

IrresponsiblyCertainAboutSexualDimorphism · 19/12/2023 09:38

I think if this had been framed as a phased return to work it would have been better.

I have had staff on a phased return from sickness on full pay that was fairly flexible and got them back to full time within 6 weeks. From their colleagues’ point of view 75% of Johnny (or whoever) was better than 0% of Johnny. Whether or not they were on full pay was none of anyone else’s business.

BusyMummyWrites · 19/12/2023 09:57

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 08:32

it’s a shame because more information from the op would have guided the debate more productively

PP does have a point…. the job itself is important because some really do not lend themselves to employees taking multiple breaks with no notice ie the emergency call handler example

also quite clearly these adjustments aren’t helping the Op as the need for them is increasing rather than decreasing. So perhaps her colleagues are worried about whether there are any parameters around this adjustment or whether just liable to continue to increase

and the absence of this information has meant that anyone posing questions has been bellowed at as being disabilist

The OP has only been back a week and had one bad day (they stated they had only needed one or two breaks on previous days), yet their colleague was wingeing. If the colleague had returned from sick leave after a heart attack or major operation they would expect to ‘ease’ back in and to have compassionate support from their colleagues and the company they’ve worked for for 4 years without any previous issues.

Why is this an issue here? Because the colleague is being ableist.

It should not matter what has led to the OP’s sick leave or how this is being accommodated on their return to work, especially as it is being reviewed at the end of 8 weeks. It does not matter whether the colleague perceives unfairness or believes that the OP is doing less work - how would they know/measure this anyway? Do they monitor their other colleagues’ productivity, too, and complain if they are taking more toilet breaks? If they do, do those colleagues have no notify that colleague that they have a UTI/cystitis or are pregnant to justify leaving their desks? I doubt it.

I initially thought the OP should keep a log of comments and speak to her boss if it continues. Having read the ableist and frankly obnoxious remarks here, I’d advise her to speak to her boss now. The colleague needs putting back in his place and a formal report filed with HR.

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 11:58

CleverLilViper · 19/12/2023 09:31

So, you can't read the post above the one I quoted? 😂

Says it all really, doesn't it?

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correct i am illiterate

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 11:59

@BusyMummyWrites

8 weeks not 1 week

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/12/2023 12:06

gavisconismyfriend · 18/12/2023 18:28

As a short term reasonable adjustment to support you back into the workplace this is absolutely reasonable. If colleagues are describing it as privilege when it is a disability adjustment then that’s discrimination and your manager/HR should have a word with them. Don’t feel pushed into dropping your hours just now, see how the 8 weeks go and then review. You are doing nothing wrong here and your colleagues would be advised to be careful before they find themselves in trouble.

This. 100%

Keep going OP and try not to stress about ignorant remarks, speak to your manage.
The time outs you describe sound 5,mins and 10 mins here are minor and if it helps you get on with your work, it seems reasonable. The 30 min one when you were having a very hard day, is no more than I've seen in everyday offices when I worked in a high stress environment. People spend longer on screen breaks than your 5/10 minutes and stretching breaks, in the loo, getting a coffee - not ideal but none of us are machines that need to be full on every single second of the day, without a bit of time to pace yourself in the less busy times most people would get stressed or burned out if this was continuous and relentless.

How justified was this person complaining of privilege, were they actually suffering as a result or just the office moaner clammouring for "I want what she's got!!"

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 12:11

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 08:32

it’s a shame because more information from the op would have guided the debate more productively

PP does have a point…. the job itself is important because some really do not lend themselves to employees taking multiple breaks with no notice ie the emergency call handler example

also quite clearly these adjustments aren’t helping the Op as the need for them is increasing rather than decreasing. So perhaps her colleagues are worried about whether there are any parameters around this adjustment or whether just liable to continue to increase

and the absence of this information has meant that anyone posing questions has been bellowed at as being disabilist

do you think i’m disabilist on the basis of this?

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 12:11

h@CleverLilViper

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 12:14

Imagwine · 19/12/2023 00:00

I wouldn’t resent you if I saw you working a bit later or through some of your lunch to try to make up. You wouldn’t even need to make all of it up, just be making some effort.
I wouldn’t mind if I knew it was only for 8 weeks either. Have you communicated this to them? Have you also apologised to them whilst expressing the fact that you hope to be back to normal asap?

Why should she apologise for being disabled?

FFS.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 12:18

TurnthePotatoes · 19/12/2023 00:18

The difference here is that you, as the manager, have actually managed. Delaying and re-prioritising. Believe it or not. Many don't. I'm probably thinking if you're competent your team also isn't working in a toxic environment.
Not every manager is as competent. They expect absolutely zero changes in output despite being one team member down. Thus their team becomes resentful. Whether directed at OP or manager the end result is the same. Resentment.
Nobody is condoning bullying OP. We all agree that the colleagues shouldn't make discriminatory comments.
But people are not wrong for being resentful if not managed fairly. Even if they keep their mouths shut. OP hasn't given more details about her work environment so I cannot work out whether they're jealous or have just cause for resentment.,

Edited
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Then they should resent the management for mismanaging, not the disabled person.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 19/12/2023 12:21

SirChenjins · 19/12/2023 09:07

Exactly @velvetoptions

We need more information from the OP before we can make an informed judgement. Either her colleague are disablist bullies with a vendetta against the OP, or they’re struggling to pick up the additional work this decision by management (and others?) has resulted in and which hasn’t been addressed, and are concerned that it’s just going to increase. Or something in between.

The colleagues' perceived or actual increase in workload does not justify disablist comments towards OP. They should raise workload issues with management like every other grownup does.