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Original poster

Oh my god, what do I do.....wallet opened by sibling hoke for Christmas - money card stolen

227 replies

PurpleBottle · 18/12/2023 06:28

I have a sibling home for Christmas.

Who went out to see his friends and he got drunk. I don't know what time of the night he came home at. He is still not gone to bed.

That's not the problem. I had my wallet on the kitchen table. I didn't anticate him to steal from it. I woke this morning to find the wallet open. My bank card gone. I had some small amount of cash in it too but not a lot. It was about 60 euro. I could write off the cash notes. The card - no way.

I asked him if he saw my card but he said no and he's still too drunk.

I encouraged him to go to bed.

It might be a case where I will have to wait for him to sober up. And ask again. Wait til he leaves his room and check his pockets maybe.

I had my card just yesterday. I didn't leave my home all weekend because I was sick. I did online shopping. I had my wallet in my lap. I was in the sitting room. I put the card back into my wallet.

Card from wallet gone now.

It's Monday and a week before Christmas.

Do I wait for him to sober up and search for the card later on tonight?

Or do I get onto the bank.

I have a spare account and card with revolut.
Will I top up my account with an estimate of what I need this week and contact my bank in the hope of getting a new card.

It's very fucking mindless. Getting drunk and stealing from my wallet.

He's not like this when he's sober.

OP posts:
PhulNana · 18/12/2023 09:17

Chilicabbage · 18/12/2023 06:43

My mother has no boundaries and she likes to care for him as if he's a baby.

It's not just the mother who doesn't have boundaries considering you would just write off the stole notes and are tiptoeing around this situation🤷

This is what I thought. if someone had a rummage through my wallet they'd be OUT ON THEIR ARSE. I would not be kow-towing to them just because my mother did. There's always a mother enabling this stuff, isn't there?

PeppermintMandy · 18/12/2023 09:21

This is such a drama over absolutely
nothing.

You “lost” your bank card (which you admit you had been using to do online shopping that evening) & have found it IN your wallet. Because it’s not in the specific section of wallet it usually is your life is now turned upside down?? & there is ZERO money missing from your bank account.

It does seem like he’s taken some cash from your wallet but he could have every intention of paying you back. As a PP said he’s likely needed cash to pay a taxi or something like that.

Ask him once he wakes up but chill out for goodness sake. & everyone saying they’d fling him out immediately.

BMW6 · 18/12/2023 09:22

Utterly ridiculous 😒

swuahies · 18/12/2023 09:25

PeppermintMandy · 18/12/2023 09:21

This is such a drama over absolutely
nothing.

You “lost” your bank card (which you admit you had been using to do online shopping that evening) & have found it IN your wallet. Because it’s not in the specific section of wallet it usually is your life is now turned upside down?? & there is ZERO money missing from your bank account.

It does seem like he’s taken some cash from your wallet but he could have every intention of paying you back. As a PP said he’s likely needed cash to pay a taxi or something like that.

Ask him once he wakes up but chill out for goodness sake. & everyone saying they’d fling him out immediately.

Well surely if that was the case when she'd asked him about the bank card his answer would be "no, but I did borrow cash for a taxi" 🤷🏻‍♀️ Also, it's just so happened he needed £60 for a taxi and she had £60 in her purse?!

I suppose the cigarette butts on the floor are okay too? And the fact her receipts were strewn all over the place?

BringMeTea · 18/12/2023 09:30

I would be cancelling that card.

iljafjpr · 18/12/2023 09:40

What is the point of this weird thread and the smoking?
You obviously aren't going to say anything to him, either about the wallet or the smoking.
The smoking one can be solved easily: Hey, DB, I don't allow smoking inside the house anymore since I gave up smoking. Please step outside.
And this one is ridiculous because you didn't even look properly for the card before creating a mega drama about it. And now you are saying he took money and rifled through your wallet but you're not going to say anything to him.
"Hey, DB, I don't know what happened last night but it seems you borrowed 60 quid from my wallet. I need to have that back as soon as possible. Please go and get some from the cash point/do a bank transfer.

But to be honest I don't think you're that reliable as you couldn't even manage to look for a card properly so who knows whether there was actually money in the wallet or not or if you just forgot you'd spent it earlier.

LaylaLayla1 · 18/12/2023 09:55

Your saying your mother babies him and has no boundaries, but your doing the exact same. Regardless of how much a gentle soul he is when sober, regardless of him being drunk he has STOLE your money. By not challenging him about this you are enabling him.
There might be an explanation as to why he took it when he came home (as another poster said maybe for a taxi) and he can explain and pay you back when he sobers up, but if he says nothing you are letting him away with it, he will never learn and may continue to steal, he might even steal from someone outside the family which will result in greater consequences.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 18/12/2023 10:03

Maybe I’m the odd one out here but an adult sibling stealing money/cards whether they’re drunk or sober from me is something I wouldn’t tolerate.

In fact the last time I fell out with a similar story (no drunkenness involved) I must’ve been about 15 and DB 13/14. Never happened after that!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 18/12/2023 10:04

He really isn’t. He’s a thief. Who may have a drink problem.

Ramalangadingdong · 18/12/2023 10:10

iljafjpr · 18/12/2023 09:40

What is the point of this weird thread and the smoking?
You obviously aren't going to say anything to him, either about the wallet or the smoking.
The smoking one can be solved easily: Hey, DB, I don't allow smoking inside the house anymore since I gave up smoking. Please step outside.
And this one is ridiculous because you didn't even look properly for the card before creating a mega drama about it. And now you are saying he took money and rifled through your wallet but you're not going to say anything to him.
"Hey, DB, I don't know what happened last night but it seems you borrowed 60 quid from my wallet. I need to have that back as soon as possible. Please go and get some from the cash point/do a bank transfer.

But to be honest I don't think you're that reliable as you couldn't even manage to look for a card properly so who knows whether there was actually money in the wallet or not or if you just forgot you'd spent it earlier.

I agree with this. It is Christmas and we are all stressed out. I bet a lot of us are going to be losing things/not remembering where we put stuff over the next few days. You were really quick to rush to judgement op, which is very human. I too would wonder if you had as much cash in your purse as you think you did. If you hadn’t found that card your DB could have been accused and thrown out of the house for no reason whatsoever. So, thank goodness you did find it.

Crumpleton · 18/12/2023 10:35

ElevenSeven · 18/12/2023 07:11

Not just his mother who allows him to act like a baby then…

Or a thief...
Because when a person takes anything from another without asking it's called stealing.

OP I'd have thought your brother should be ashamed of himself but by your attitude that it doesn't matter as its only a small amount of cash, 60€ to me wouldn't be small but hey, sounds like you've no boundaries when it comes to his behaviour either.

I'd be furious that he even felt he had the right to go into my wallet and steal my money and certainly wouldn't let it go.
Hide your wallet but if he wants to find it and remove money again he will.

StaunchMomma · 18/12/2023 10:36

It's disappointing but I am not going to challenge him on it. It's just a small amount and I can right it off. It's a lesson learned not to leave my wallet lying around. I'm not going to create hell over this.

No wonder he thinks he can act like a pure twat with no consequences!

You lot are just full of excuses for him. He's nice when he's sober! His friend is the bad influence! It's only a small amount! He's spent lots to come home for Christmas!

You're literally going on like his actions are fine and you were unreasonable for leaving your wallet out!

You're off your head if you think anyone here is going to support that.

Just utterly batshit.

DaggerIsle · 18/12/2023 10:38

It's not even the fact that he stole the money (not sure what the chronology of him taking it- was he drunk home and walked in to grab money to pay, do we even know there was a taxi involved?)
It's the lack of respect of going through your wallet and leaving receipts on the floor!

I love the minimising of 'he's a lovely boy, it's his friend who's a dirty alco'...
Your brother doesn't sound much better to be honest. Is he 18?

Crumpleton · 18/12/2023 10:39

Ramalangadingdong · 18/12/2023 10:10

I agree with this. It is Christmas and we are all stressed out. I bet a lot of us are going to be losing things/not remembering where we put stuff over the next few days. You were really quick to rush to judgement op, which is very human. I too would wonder if you had as much cash in your purse as you think you did. If you hadn’t found that card your DB could have been accused and thrown out of the house for no reason whatsoever. So, thank goodness you did find it.

Show quote history

There's also a possibility that he did take the card our but decided to put it back but put it in the wrong place....
Like the OP there's only one place in my purse I keep my card and it goes back there every time I use it.

anyolddinosaur · 18/12/2023 10:58

Who are you frightened of, OP -our sibling, your mother or both? Do ou live with your mother and are unable to move out? If I had a brother who stole from me they'd be given one chance once sober to apologise/ explain/ pay it back. If my mother supported them (quite likely) I'd be furious with both.

MistletoeandJd · 18/12/2023 11:07

I hate to be the t* here but I would still cancel and replace. He could of taken pics of the card to use some other time =/

Original poster
PurpleBottle · 18/12/2023 11:44

PeppermintMandy · 18/12/2023 09:21

This is such a drama over absolutely
nothing.

You “lost” your bank card (which you admit you had been using to do online shopping that evening) & have found it IN your wallet. Because it’s not in the specific section of wallet it usually is your life is now turned upside down?? & there is ZERO money missing from your bank account.

It does seem like he’s taken some cash from your wallet but he could have every intention of paying you back. As a PP said he’s likely needed cash to pay a taxi or something like that.

Ask him once he wakes up but chill out for goodness sake. & everyone saying they’d fling him out immediately.

I woke earlier this morning around 6 am to find my wallet wide open, receipts on the floor, cash gone, cards gone.

I did not use it the evening before. I used it Saturday. I put it back in my wallet on Saturday.

I have a section in my wallet for cards and there was a few cards gone from their slots and it wasn't just my bank card. The other card was a library card and not an issue.

At first look - the cards were gone. The money was gone.

I started looking around in the sitting room to see if it was on his chair, or table or floor and I asked him if he saw it. I checked in the bins and fireplace.

Then I started to panic - card gone and I needed it this week.

Then I thought of important receipts that were in my wallet and went to look for them. Then I found my bank card, and my library card, sitting next to each other amongst my paper receipts. They were not in their slots in my wallet and one half of the card slot was empty. Definitely not where they were the last time. My initial thought and reaction was that he took my card. There was definitely someone rooting through my wallet.

I used my card on Saturday. If I left it back in the wrong place it doesn't explain another card (library card also gone).

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 18/12/2023 11:46

Freeze the card, wake him and get him out of your house and tell him it’s the police if anything like this ever happens again.

MILTOBE · 18/12/2023 11:47

It sounds as though he got a taxi home and had to pay for it. He didn't have any euros. He tried to pay the cabbie with your card and either they wouldn't let him or they weren't able to do that - cash only. So he took the cash and paid the cabbie.

Would the taxi have cost around that amount?

It does sound as though you and your mum both enable him, though.

Original poster
PurpleBottle · 18/12/2023 11:52

MILTOBE · 18/12/2023 11:47

It sounds as though he got a taxi home and had to pay for it. He didn't have any euros. He tried to pay the cabbie with your card and either they wouldn't let him or they weren't able to do that - cash only. So he took the cash and paid the cabbie.

Would the taxi have cost around that amount?

It does sound as though you and your mum both enable him, though.

Surprisingly the taxi would be around about 60 quid.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 18/12/2023 11:52

Not just your mother who babies him then..

LIZS · 18/12/2023 11:53

So only cash is missing? Why would he need it in a hurry? Ask him if he "borrowed" it and for it back(as it must still be in his wallet if he revved it when he came back drunk) . He is clearly not as lovely as you and dm believe.

ChateauDuMont · 18/12/2023 11:55

'It's disappointing but I am not going to challenge him on it. It's just a small amount and I can right it off.'

Congratulations on enabling this idiot to get away with whatever he likes and have no respect for anyone.

No wonder he goes out and gets blotto, he's been raised to have zero personal responsibility and even now as an adult he is indulged and allowed to get away with anything.

What's sad is that people who have been given no boundaries often self destruct as they don't don't feel loved and always feel the need to push their bad behaviour as far as possible to see what they can get away with and do.

PeppermintMandy · 18/12/2023 11:56

swuahies · 18/12/2023 09:25

Well surely if that was the case when she'd asked him about the bank card his answer would be "no, but I did borrow cash for a taxi" 🤷🏻‍♀️ Also, it's just so happened he needed £60 for a taxi and she had £60 in her purse?!

I suppose the cigarette butts on the floor are okay too? And the fact her receipts were strewn all over the place?

Show quote history

By the OPs own admission her brother is blind drunk, so no I don’t think his answer would be “but I took some cash to pay for a taxi”. He sounds barely conscious.

He could have needed £42 for a taxi and if OP had 3 x £20 notes then yes he would have to take all £60.

The post isn’t “OMG there are cigarette butts on my floor, what do I do??” It’s about a stolen bank card that isn’t actually stolen and no money is missing from the account.

If you are close enough to a relative to have them stay in your home you are close enough to talk once they’re awake and say, “Listen I know you were drunk and having a good time catching up with friends, but you can’t smoke in my house and leave cigarette butts on the floor. & don’t rifle through my purse and take money. Make sure you have what you need before you go out.”

It really doesn’t need a “OMG” post on Mumsnet. I stand by my original post. It’s not a big deal. Chill out. Have a conversation once he’s sober.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 18/12/2023 12:00

Given you continue to ignore age-related questions and won't even entertain waking him or asking him to leave, I'm going to assume for now that you both live with your mother. In which case you could bring it up with her. But since she allegedly treats him like her baby (though at this point, I'm wondering if she does this with you too) you won't. So if I'm barking up the right tree then I suggest you may leave and stay elsewhere.