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Original poster

Teacher: I went home crying again today

266 replies

Elendel · 08/12/2023 18:33

...because I got pulled up on using one wrong word (in context, and I am EAL) while a class of youngsters were able to use whatever tone and language they thought was fine with them at the time. I defended my stance, used one wrong word among many spoken in an effort to defuse the situation, and it was me who got pulled into a meeting over my language, not the kid who was in the wrong and ultimately defended by their peers through so many accusations.

Today I, an experienced teacher, am broken. I got told that I, as an adult, should have used a different way of approaching something the student instigated. I am unable to leave. But boy... I saw a car crash on the way home and for a split second I wished that had been me.

I am better now, I do not need help. But if you have children, teach them that other people - teachers - are human, too. Because I am held to such a high standard while displayed violence and verbal abuse are just everyday occurrences for me.

OP posts:
Brownhairdontcare · 08/12/2023 18:36

I'm really sorry that happened to you. Take it easy this weekend, be kind to yourself. Is it worth looking for another job (I'm not a teacher, not sure what the right times of year are for that)?

Original poster
Elendel · 08/12/2023 18:39

Thank you. I've been in the game too long to change. One of the ones with experience among so many who are so young, and more down with the kids. I didn't express myself well, but I had no sleep last night, so wasn't functioning well at the best of times. I cannot leave.

OP posts:
Mummymummy89 · 08/12/2023 18:40

I remember wishing I was in a car crash when working in my first school.

In my current school, I'm so happy day-to-day, I genuinely cried when the doctors advised I'd have to go on mat leave early because of pregnancy complications. My mental health is genuinely better at work than at home (looking after my whining 3yo and worrying over my pregnancy).

Just leave and find another school. You think you can't, but you can. Teaching is in high demand and dwindling supply. You think you can't find another job because your current school has crushed your confidence but you can, and there are much nicer schools out there

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Isthisexpected · 08/12/2023 18:42

It's not bad that you were pulled up on it though. What if it was ignored? That's like saying it's acceptable. Forgive yourself but still accept accountability. Move on. I don't get why negative feedback makes you feel broken.

BabyYoshke · 08/12/2023 18:44

I left teaching after feeling like this. Took a huge pay cut and have never looked back. Life is worth more.

Branleuse · 08/12/2023 18:44

Isthisexpected · 08/12/2023 18:42

It's not bad that you were pulled up on it though. What if it was ignored? That's like saying it's acceptable. Forgive yourself but still accept accountability. Move on. I don't get why negative feedback makes you feel broken.

you dont get it? Really?

Branleuse · 08/12/2023 18:45

Op you have a few days left till youve got the xmas break. Im sorry you are dealing with this constant bullshit. xx

Original poster
Elendel · 08/12/2023 18:49

I don't get why negative feedback makes you feel broken.

Because I had a tirade of abuse from a group of youngsters that was ignored. I had someone smashing things in the same class. I used one wrong word - just one - out of context. It wasn't even bad, just misinterpreted, and used in a way that was consistent with my mother tongue, just not in the same way in this country.

But I got called into a formal meeting, told what I, as the adult, should have done while being alone with 30+ children who shouted, called me all names under the sun, and in, one case, displayed violent behaviour, that hasn't got addressed and won't be. I will be expected to do it all again next week. In a group I had asked for help for, for months, with nothing done. A group where the mentality is one of "I'll get you sacked", with deliberate misinterpretations, to do just that.

I'm not the only one struggling with them; it's the same names over and over. But I got blamed. I put so much effort in. I went in on no sleep today, because that's what's expected of me. But one word. And then it was me, my career, on the line.

OP posts:
Mummymummy89 · 08/12/2023 18:51

Just leave and find another school. They're not all like this.

You could wallow or you could get on TES Jobs right now xx

Nineteendays · 08/12/2023 18:52

I’m sorry op.

is there anything out there at all you could apply for? If you are EAL, you would be an asset as an EAL teacher- are there any jobs at all in that area?

user628468523532453 · 08/12/2023 18:52

You can leave, even if the idea feels overwhelming right now.

Zebedee999 · 08/12/2023 18:56

Really feel sorry for you. Kids behaviour at school is largely a product of their parents regime at home. There should be much more support of teachers for badly behaving kids at school from both the education system and the parents.
I'd not let these injustices get to you. Instead push back to your head of department/head and say how you feel about their lack of support. I'm sure they wouldn't want you to leave. Ask them how they will deal with the root causes rather than simply blaming you.
Good luck.

Original poster
Elendel · 08/12/2023 18:56

I am a single parent due a mortgage renewal. Leaving right now is not an option.

OP posts:
user628468523532453 · 08/12/2023 18:59

Have you looked at vacancies?

redfacebigdisgrace · 08/12/2023 19:02

Sounds shit OP. But I suppose it depends what the word you used was? Either way I would be looking for a different job because that sounds like an awful environment to work in.

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/12/2023 19:03

I agree you should start looking for other jobs. I have known people in this position who have moved on to better schools. Don't leave it until you make yourself ill and really can't stop crying - I've been there but it was due to management not the children.

niclw · 08/12/2023 19:05

I'm in a similar situation to you. Single parent, full time teacher and just had a significant mortgage increase. I previously worked in a school like yours. I walked out of lessons and refused to go back in due to behaviour. I moved schools. Believe me that the supportive/good schools are out there. You will still be able to remortgage despite changing jobs. Good luck and look after yourself Flowers

Mostlyoblivious · 08/12/2023 19:08

Elendel · 08/12/2023 18:49

I don't get why negative feedback makes you feel broken.

Because I had a tirade of abuse from a group of youngsters that was ignored. I had someone smashing things in the same class. I used one wrong word - just one - out of context. It wasn't even bad, just misinterpreted, and used in a way that was consistent with my mother tongue, just not in the same way in this country.

But I got called into a formal meeting, told what I, as the adult, should have done while being alone with 30+ children who shouted, called me all names under the sun, and in, one case, displayed violent behaviour, that hasn't got addressed and won't be. I will be expected to do it all again next week. In a group I had asked for help for, for months, with nothing done. A group where the mentality is one of "I'll get you sacked", with deliberate misinterpretations, to do just that.

I'm not the only one struggling with them; it's the same names over and over. But I got blamed. I put so much effort in. I went in on no sleep today, because that's what's expected of me. But one word. And then it was me, my career, on the line.

Contact your union. If they have deliberately ignored the language barrier then they’re discriminating. Also you need your union to advocate for your safety and sanity and really you are entitled to representation in a formal meeting which I imagine wasn’t possible for you due to time frame?

BeginningToLookALotLike · 08/12/2023 19:09

Were you offered any support with the class OP? Or are you just expected to take them next week as usual with no help at all? This is a management problem not just a problem with behaviour. I do feel for you.

Original poster
Elendel · 08/12/2023 19:09

I didn't swear. It was the equivalent of saying "you'll have to stay hungry for a while" to someone who hadn't eaten at break time and was chewing away on something in class. Turns out they weren't fed at home and what I said was triggering. But the person who pulled me up admitted this information wasn't shared with staff, normally. But because I sounded callous about it, everything was formally recorded.

OP posts:
IhaveanewTVnow · 08/12/2023 19:11

Can you go off sick? It’s only a week. Don’t normally advise that but of the school is not supporting you with that class then why should you go in?

Titicacacandle · 08/12/2023 19:14

Get signed off for a month and look for a new job/different school. You don't have to stay there. You can find a new job and be happy again. No job is worth suicidal thoughts.

Titicacacandle · 08/12/2023 19:15

If it's only a week till end of term you can self certify for 5 days. That's 3 weeks off. Have a week to just chill and then get job hunting!

27icey · 08/12/2023 19:16

Everything is triggering these days.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 08/12/2023 19:16

That's awful, OP. I'm so sorry you're having to put up with this. I've known a few good teachers who have been disciplined over very spurious things, while the kids just get to continue behaving like animals and hurling abuse at staff. It's appalling. Some schools and headteachers are perfectly happy to throw their staff members under the bus just to avoid difficult conversations with parents.

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