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Original poster

Teacher: I went home crying again today

266 replies

Elendel · 08/12/2023 18:33

...because I got pulled up on using one wrong word (in context, and I am EAL) while a class of youngsters were able to use whatever tone and language they thought was fine with them at the time. I defended my stance, used one wrong word among many spoken in an effort to defuse the situation, and it was me who got pulled into a meeting over my language, not the kid who was in the wrong and ultimately defended by their peers through so many accusations.

Today I, an experienced teacher, am broken. I got told that I, as an adult, should have used a different way of approaching something the student instigated. I am unable to leave. But boy... I saw a car crash on the way home and for a split second I wished that had been me.

I am better now, I do not need help. But if you have children, teach them that other people - teachers - are human, too. Because I am held to such a high standard while displayed violence and verbal abuse are just everyday occurrences for me.

OP posts:
Thegoodbadandugly · 08/12/2023 21:01

Isthisexpected · 08/12/2023 18:42

It's not bad that you were pulled up on it though. What if it was ignored? That's like saying it's acceptable. Forgive yourself but still accept accountability. Move on. I don't get why negative feedback makes you feel broken.

Should our teachers have to feel like utter shyte and as bad as the op is feeling? This is what's wrong with today's society absolutely no compassion no caring all about themselves. This is a teacher that's at breaking point and there are a hell of a lot of them out there!! This is why teachers are leaving in their droves and the government need to change things now!

Op I really really feel for you hopefully your situation will get better where you will be able to leave and pick yourself up again.

BlueMongoose · 08/12/2023 21:03

Elendel · 08/12/2023 18:49

I don't get why negative feedback makes you feel broken.

Because I had a tirade of abuse from a group of youngsters that was ignored. I had someone smashing things in the same class. I used one wrong word - just one - out of context. It wasn't even bad, just misinterpreted, and used in a way that was consistent with my mother tongue, just not in the same way in this country.

But I got called into a formal meeting, told what I, as the adult, should have done while being alone with 30+ children who shouted, called me all names under the sun, and in, one case, displayed violent behaviour, that hasn't got addressed and won't be. I will be expected to do it all again next week. In a group I had asked for help for, for months, with nothing done. A group where the mentality is one of "I'll get you sacked", with deliberate misinterpretations, to do just that.

I'm not the only one struggling with them; it's the same names over and over. But I got blamed. I put so much effort in. I went in on no sleep today, because that's what's expected of me. But one word. And then it was me, my career, on the line.

You really, really do need to look for another school- one where you'll get support when you have been in a difficult situation. Don't tell anyone you're looking, get the job first, of course, then give notice. If your incompetent bosses failed to share info about a kid's difficulties with you, then it is 100% their fault, not yours, and would still have been had it been a much worse situation, which it easily could have been. You're not clairvoyant, for gods' sake.

In these circs I would say to anyone in general, if you're in a union, get them involved. If you're not, it's too late for this issue, because you can't expect them to deal with something that happened when you were not a member (that would be like expecting an insurer to pay out for something that happened before you took out insurance) , but join one now.

tuscanvines · 08/12/2023 21:05

I'm so sorry. I really do admire and respect teachers.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/12/2023 21:07

Mummymummy89 · 08/12/2023 18:40

I remember wishing I was in a car crash when working in my first school.

In my current school, I'm so happy day-to-day, I genuinely cried when the doctors advised I'd have to go on mat leave early because of pregnancy complications. My mental health is genuinely better at work than at home (looking after my whining 3yo and worrying over my pregnancy).

Just leave and find another school. You think you can't, but you can. Teaching is in high demand and dwindling supply. You think you can't find another job because your current school has crushed your confidence but you can, and there are much nicer schools out there

This.

Sugargliderwombat · 08/12/2023 21:08

You need to join a union and look for another job. If he's not fed at home and SLT are OK with him eating in class then they need to share that with you. You aren't a mindreader. I used to hate my old school and they also had huge issues due to their OWN management- I'd say to myself over and over again :

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

(Thinking about the managemt by the way, not the children, just to clarify!)

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/12/2023 21:10

Elendel · 08/12/2023 19:09

I didn't swear. It was the equivalent of saying "you'll have to stay hungry for a while" to someone who hadn't eaten at break time and was chewing away on something in class. Turns out they weren't fed at home and what I said was triggering. But the person who pulled me up admitted this information wasn't shared with staff, normally. But because I sounded callous about it, everything was formally recorded.

I would ask
To meet with that student one on one and apologize and ask if they're ok and say you didn't realise what things were like at home
For them. Tell them that they can always come and chat to you if they're having a bad time and ask them if they would like to agree a special hand signal with you that shows them that they would like to talk outside the room away from other students.

porridgeisbae · 08/12/2023 21:13

You think a child should've been reprimanded more/as much as an adult, for saying something out of line?

I think you do need help if you got this worked up about something a kid said. It's effecting your wellbeing, emotional stability, and by extension your ability to do your job.

DanceMumTaxi · 08/12/2023 21:15

SLT sound really poor. Not all schools are like this. I’d definitely look to move once your mortgage is sorted. Maybe look for a September start elsewhere.

Balloonhearts · 08/12/2023 21:20

If the student was violent towards you I'd report to police. Teach the little wankers how real life works.

Littlegoth · 08/12/2023 21:20

BabyYoshke · 08/12/2023 18:44

I left teaching after feeling like this. Took a huge pay cut and have never looked back. Life is worth more.

Me too. HUGE pay cut. Right choice though. I soon made up the pay gap and now I like my job. And myself x

Meowandthen · 08/12/2023 21:21

The stories I hear and read about appallingly behaved schoolchildren are shocking. It’s no wonder many teachers choose to leave the profession or move abroad. I know many British teachers where I live in the ME and they all say the children are far better behaved here.

Good lick to you OP.

PeggyPoggleshaw · 08/12/2023 21:22

Isthisexpected · 08/12/2023 18:42

It's not bad that you were pulled up on it though. What if it was ignored? That's like saying it's acceptable. Forgive yourself but still accept accountability. Move on. I don't get why negative feedback makes you feel broken.

What a crock of shit. How are kids expected to be prepared for the real world when teachers are expected to wrap them in cotton wool so as not to make their feelings hurty? And all this is for saying "deal with it". Absolute bollocks.

dragonsitter · 08/12/2023 21:33

LizS16 · 08/12/2023 19:52

Sounds like burnout OP, I'm so sorry for you. I was a secondary teacher for 5 years and lucky enough to have the means to escape to the civil service. There are many many jobs out there and teaching is a massively transferable career!

Is the mortgage worth your happiness?

This was my first thought, lots of teachers go on to the civil service, someone I know transferred from secondary teaching to there, he prefers it. Go for HEO level, you'll have lots of transferable skills. You just need to master success profiles but there's advice online for that. You'll have lots of examples for the behaviours.

notahappybunny7 · 08/12/2023 21:33

PropertyManager · 08/12/2023 19:42

I used to swear at the blighters quite a lot, but back in the day (and i'm talking 10 years ago) no one cared - so long as you were fair, you could be firm, keep discipline and get the job (the educating bit) done.

I always remember with great fondness the day my headmaster walked into a room and cooly said to one year 11 girl in the front row (we'll call her Sue) - "Ah, Sue, glad to see you in (she had attendance issues, always in trouble), next time turn the lights on when doing your make up (it was awful and broke school rules)" lots of giggles from the others as Sue shrivelled up, slowly we reformed her. She's done OK, Solicitor in the town now, often stop for a chat in the street.

Had a lad, lets call him James, always kept taking the mick out of other appearance, in about 2004 I got totally fed up with the cretin, told him to stand on the table, right I said, you be quiet james, everyone else is going to take the mick out of you, make fun of you for a change - which they did, a proper roasting, he took 4 minutes of it and ran off crying. I bumped into him last year, he now runs a business I have dealings with, when he saw me he zoomed out of his office and shook my hand firmy, I said whats that for - to which he replied, you remember when you got me on the desk, that changed my outlook and made me who I am - frankly I was bloody proud, of him!

So much as say boo to a goose now and the teacher is on the naughty step!

Humiliation, lovely. That’s before we get on to your crap grammar and spelling. Teacher my arse.

paddyclampofthethirdkind · 08/12/2023 21:37

As others have said - LEAVE. Not all schools are like this!

As for “down with the kids” teachers - they might think they’re cool but kids don’t want teachers as their friends. Sounds toxic to me.

Mulhollandmagoo · 08/12/2023 21:38

I'm not a teacher, so I can't imagine what you're all up against, but I echo others with look for another school? I don't know if it's that easy, or could you try supply for a bit to ease the pressure a tad?

My daughters lovely teacher was sending emails out at nearly 10pm the other night, it's shit that so much is expected of you with so little in return! Teachers are such a vital part of society, can't imagine what life would be like if they all decided enough was enough

cerisepanther73 · 08/12/2023 21:40

@Elendel this is the thing, how the hell were you to know that innocent remark you made was triggering for that particular pupil cause he is being neglected at home ?

teachers are expected to be like living on egg 🥚 shells

covering a myriad of jobs roles such, as social worker , counsellor and seems like you also need to be a mind reader or mystic or something too,

it must feel like allmost mission impossible at times,

Why weren't these pupils giving warnings or and detentions ect,
and obviously violence by any pupil shouldn't be tolerated by the school turning a blind eye,
as these kinds of action gives out,

totally confusing mixed messages and even inadvertently encourages, condones bad behaviour cycle..

Baublewarble · 08/12/2023 21:45

The school doesn’t sound ideal but, as a teacher of kids in a deprived area, I do think telling one to ‘deal with’ being hungry is out of line. Perhaps find a school which isn’t so challenging if it’s not your mindset

Tacotortoise · 08/12/2023 21:45

Please find a better school. My children's school is fully staffed and has no problems with recruitment and retention. When I read threads like this I realise why. There are good schools out there.

Xmasblues · 08/12/2023 21:46

I would definitely try changing schools but if you’re an experienced teacher then it’s going to be much harder for you to earn a similar amount.

I would definitely try though, as these people obviously don’t have your back and never will.

I’d also look into other jobs outside of teaching secondary - E.g colleges, unis, tutoring, special needs etc.

If you’re EAL then perhaps something to do with international students.

I have no advice but you have my sympathies OP.

Having constant abuse from teens is bad enough but not having that support from senior staff makes it a million times worse.

I’m so sorry you have been treated so poorly.

allmyliesaretrue · 08/12/2023 21:47

Elendel · 08/12/2023 18:49

I don't get why negative feedback makes you feel broken.

Because I had a tirade of abuse from a group of youngsters that was ignored. I had someone smashing things in the same class. I used one wrong word - just one - out of context. It wasn't even bad, just misinterpreted, and used in a way that was consistent with my mother tongue, just not in the same way in this country.

But I got called into a formal meeting, told what I, as the adult, should have done while being alone with 30+ children who shouted, called me all names under the sun, and in, one case, displayed violent behaviour, that hasn't got addressed and won't be. I will be expected to do it all again next week. In a group I had asked for help for, for months, with nothing done. A group where the mentality is one of "I'll get you sacked", with deliberate misinterpretations, to do just that.

I'm not the only one struggling with them; it's the same names over and over. But I got blamed. I put so much effort in. I went in on no sleep today, because that's what's expected of me. But one word. And then it was me, my career, on the line.

The thing is, as the responsible adult, you are expected (and trained) to rise above that.

I also doubt that this one incident will have put your career on the line either.

Where I do agree with you is, that the behaviour of these young people absolutely needs to be addressed.

My DC is only in their 4th year teaching and has been called a c*nt amongst other things. The bad behaviour does get dealt with but at the end of the day, what does a day's exclusion matter to a child like that?

I think you should consider therapy. It sounds like it's overwhelming you.

Tacotortoise · 08/12/2023 21:49

Baublewarble · 08/12/2023 21:45

The school doesn’t sound ideal but, as a teacher of kids in a deprived area, I do think telling one to ‘deal with’ being hungry is out of line. Perhaps find a school which isn’t so challenging if it’s not your mindset

Did you read what the OP wrote? There are schools across the world where hunger is the norm and children don't treat their teachers like shit. Rather they are grateful for the chance of an education.

People need to stop defending and excusing this feral behaviour.

ConsuelaHammock · 08/12/2023 21:49

Go off sick! You’re worth more than this crap. If they want to play games join them.

allmyliesaretrue · 08/12/2023 21:49

Sugargliderwombat · 08/12/2023 21:08

You need to join a union and look for another job. If he's not fed at home and SLT are OK with him eating in class then they need to share that with you. You aren't a mindreader. I used to hate my old school and they also had huge issues due to their OWN management- I'd say to myself over and over again :

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

(Thinking about the managemt by the way, not the children, just to clarify!)

Edited

I doubt there's a single teacher teaching who's not in a union! Too risky not to be.

Doyouthinktheyknow · 08/12/2023 21:51

Sounds like you are burning out.

I'm not a teacher, I’m clinical NHS but I can relate to so much of your post, including the not being able to leave. It’s tough when you feel trapped.

I have many a time wished for a car accident to avoid going to work. It’s shameful how many times that has happened over my 23 year career!

Life shouldn’t be like this and if you can’t leave immediately, is there any way you can find another job for the longer term? We all need hope. I’m thinking 25 years and I will leave, just not sure what is next.

I did have an almost breakdown earlier this year and one additional week off after annual leave really helped. Seems ridiculous and I did think I couldn’t go back when I left for my holiday but after a week extra as sickness I felt stronger and I’m still there 3 months on and planning for another couple of years.
I wish you well, life tea shouldn’t be so tough.