Teacher: I went home crying again today

[Elendel]

...because I got pulled up on using one wrong word (in context, and I am EAL) while a class of youngsters were able to use whatever tone and language they thought was fine with them at the time. I defended my stance, used one wrong word among many spoken in an effort to defuse the situation, and it was me who got pulled into a meeting over my language, not the kid who was in the wrong and ultimately defended by their peers through so many accusations.

Today I, an experienced teacher, am broken. I got told that I, as an adult, should have used a different way of approaching something the student instigated. I am unable to leave. But boy... I saw a car crash on the way home and for a split second I wished that had been me.

I am better now, I do not need help. But if you have children, teach them that other people - teachers - are human, too. Because I am held to such a high standard while displayed violence and verbal abuse are just everyday occurrences for me.

Stop being a martyr OP. You can leave. Ok get the new mortgage first. Also look at your options for downsizing, to make a paycut viable, meaning you can take a job in another industry. Either get the mortgage early if possible or go sick when you need to. Like after a night of no sleep (assuming it's insomnia and not because you were out partying!).

As for having fleeting suicidal thoughts and thinking you don't need help, you're wrong. This is the point at which you go all out to change the situation before your MH deteriorates further. If that means antidepressants until you can get a new job, going off sick more frequently, leaving on time, finding time for meditation or whatever it is that helps, you need to do it. Suicidal thoughts because you've had a shit day isn't normal. It should be a wake up call, not let's vent on MN then go back to ignoring it.

Poor parenting ie lack of respect for others plus parents believing their precious darlings over teachers when there is an issue. I would give DD hell if she ever disrespected a teacher and as another PP said, at Parents' evenings I always ask about her behaviour and attitude. Many parents don't respect teachers or the profession so that attitude rubs off onto the kids.

The mortgage IS part of my happiness. I fled DV and the house, shitty as it is, is my symbol of freedom.

That's part of the trouble, I guess. I got all this spiel about the child's past trauma. And all the time I was sitting there, thinking about my own trauma and how I was expected to just get on with it. Childhood SA and EA by a parent, DV by ex partners, single parenthood, at one point destitute. I got through all that, still holding down my job, never, ever making my teachers' lives hell or letting things out on my employers or the people I'm in charge of. I don't have anyone here. No family, bar my own children. No childhood friends. No help.

And yet, one slip-up in politeness and I'm hauled over the coals. I have overheard colleagues telling kids to shut up in a causal way. I don't use that language, because, to me, it is rude and I don't expect to be spoken to like that. I have heard colleagues use "fuck" when children were near. So why this word, just taken out of context? Why am I the one in trouble?

Perhaps I'm expensive. I know I am; I am experienced, middle leadership, much older than the mean 25 years of age my colleagues are (this one was confirmed to me by a seinor leader; I am not making this figure up).

It shouldn't be like this.

@Taurusandvirgo I was up all night caring for my sick child.

Thanks for your suggestions. We'd also dismissed journalism due to it not really being future proof with AI being used increasingly and a decline in investigative journalism.

I think she'll probably leave it after A Level stage and just practice creative writing as a hobby. Which is a shame, because 10 years ago, I'd probably have encouraged her to go into teaching and sharing that passion and creativity. I have a couple of teacher friends and I just could not do what they do. I really do feel for teachers like op, particularly when your own colleagues don't have your back.

Well OP you need to take responsibility for yourself and your career. If you carry on you will end up snapping further and losing everything. So do what everyone has suggested and don't go in next week, rest and look for a new job or go to your union and get proper support with the class you're struggling with. You will not get sacked for calling in sick for a week. Really you should have taken dependent leave or rang in sick if you weren't emotionally able to manage the class because of things in your own life going on.

I think your biggest problem is not the behaviour of your students (which is awful obviously), it's the fact that your own colleagues do not have your back. I've never worked in a school, but from what others have said, and having experienced team working in my own working experience, I would probably look to change your team rather than your profession. It sounds like there are better schools out there, and I'd have thought your skills would be in demand?

And yet, one slip-up in politeness and I'm hauled over the coals. I have overheard colleagues telling kids to shut up in a causal way. I don't use that language, because, to me, it is rude and I don't expect to be spoken to like that. I have heard colleagues use "fuck" when children were near. So why this word, just taken out of context? Why am I the one in trouble?

If you tell us what the word actually is, someone might be able to answer the question as to why the school have acted in the way they have?

I'm not trying to bash you while you are down. I absolutely get what you are saying and I understand how you can slip up when under immense pressure. But knowing what the word was, and also the context it was said in, might explain why you were sent home OR might indicate that the school completely overreacted and people could help you with further advice about how to move forward.

Someone else mentioned union representation. I think you should call your union on Monday and ask their advice but you will need to say exactly what word you used when you talk to your union rep.

@hsapposhit I don't think OP was sent home. Just "told off" and not supported.

I get it - I was a supply teacher in a foreign country for a few months. Nothing this bad, and I don't have your depth of experience, but I get it. You give and give of yourself for little thanks, put up with defiance and disruption, then you do one incredibly minor thing wrong and they act like it's the end of the world. I left and got a minimum wage job because all the extra unpaid hours took my hourly pay below the minimum wage anyway. You're a career teacher, it's different - but find another job, all schools can't be as bad as this.

Absolutely this. It seems like we're expected to walk on eggshells constantly because some people wrongly have the opinion that they have the right to not be offended.

Thanks for the correction.
The way OP was writing I somehow managed to get it into my head that she had been sent home. Now I see she "went home".
So yes, she was told off and not supported. Still, without knowing what the word was, it's difficult to judge whether the "telling off" was justified. A "telling off" shouldn't be a "telling off" though and should be in the form of feedback.
Teaching is a really hard job and it's hard work but we are still responsible for our actions and what we say and if we have used a word which is insulting or could be interpreted as such then we should be picked up on.
The lack of support dealing with the violent behaviour and general poor behaviour of the group is a different matter. The school should be doing something about that.

But this is why I could never be a teacher. Far too little support from the schools themselves and disrespectful brats who have free rein to do as they please because they know discipline is now extinct in schools.

Clearly not a teacher, are you? 🙄

Yes, an English degree is good for any kind of communications based job, @Fallenangelofthenorth

Also, marketing
PR
Civil service
Lawyer (any kind)
Accountant (honest, I know one)
Sales
But also, anything really. It’s a first degree for any job that just requires a degree.

If she likes creative writing, she could save herself tens of thousands of pounds by not going to Uni, then instead, write for a living and self-publish. If she's a good writer and writes in a popular genre, you can earn good money from it.

The words were "deal with". Really, nothing that should require this level of response.

Hi OP,

I’m sorry to hear you have had a tough day.
I’ve been a secondary teacher for 15 years now and the decline in behaviour/level of respect is astounding.
My job is almost unrecognisable from what it was when I started.
Like you, I’ve worked my way up to the top of the pay scale and cannot afford to take a pay cut with three small children and a very large mortgage. I’m stuck!
If I were you I would contact my union for advice, take some time to get some distance and return with a clear head.
Would a different school/supply be an option?

I am not in a union as such. Just with a body that offers legal support.

1. Join a proper union asap.
2. Start looking for another job.

I'm horrified for you. Is there at all a possibility that you can take paid sick leave because of stress next week? The school is clearly showing no loyalty to you, how much loyalty to you need to show to them to the detriment of your mental health?

Get signed off.
Look for another school.
Leave the school that won't address the real issues: student behaviour.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Another fellow teacher here saying find another school to work in. Not every workplace is this toxic.

5 more days left. You've got this.

Was the child eating a class and you saying 'deal with it' the situation or are you saying it was similar to that? Sounds like a real over reaction from your SLT.
Join a proper union, I can't believe a teacher wouldn't be.

Same xxx no job is worth feeling like this