Teacher: I went home crying again today

[Elendel]

...because I got pulled up on using one wrong word (in context, and I am EAL) while a class of youngsters were able to use whatever tone and language they thought was fine with them at the time. I defended my stance, used one wrong word among many spoken in an effort to defuse the situation, and it was me who got pulled into a meeting over my language, not the kid who was in the wrong and ultimately defended by their peers through so many accusations.

Today I, an experienced teacher, am broken. I got told that I, as an adult, should have used a different way of approaching something the student instigated. I am unable to leave. But boy... I saw a car crash on the way home and for a split second I wished that had been me.

I am better now, I do not need help. But if you have children, teach them that other people - teachers - are human, too. Because I am held to such a high standard while displayed violence and verbal abuse are just everyday occurrences for me.

I don't know what to say other than I am so sorry you are in this situation. I'm in my 50s so of a generation where my parents who hadn't had the opportunity of an education and had to leave school at 14 had huge respect for teachers and were so grateful that their children had the chance to be educated in the way they hadn't. How the world has changed. I'm so sorry.

I think teaching sounds like one of the worst jobs there is. I was literally talking today with my daughter about her degree options as she loves English and is really good at it and we both said we couldn't think of any careers using an English degree except teaching and "obviously" that was out of the question. It seem like a hell of a lot of effort for little reward.

You can't put yourself through this though if you're at the point where you're wishing yourself dead. There MUST be other options surely?

They had the opportunity to eat at break time. They chose not to and delayed eating until in class. They clearly weren't starving. Some people in this country do go hungry, but there are food banks and people are not literally starving as they are in many countries. This sounds like taking the piss to be honest.

Teaching is awful, it's full of bullies who love the fact that policy is so, so awful and misguided it gives then carte blanche just to treat other staff like shit. They do this while not even really caring about the children whose natural curiosity and desire to learn is also drowned by the target driven culture. That's talking about children who can attend and even be in any fit state to come to school. The English education system is vile for teachers and often for children too. I'm so sorry this happened, you should have been supported. It's definitely wrong.
Hold your head up, all your instincts are correct; you have been badly mistreated. If you have to carry on there, do so knowing that you are in an absolutely toxic system and you've done nothing wrong and you're doing your best.
You're amazing doing what you do; it takes more strength than most people realise. ❤️

This is not your fault op. If senior management can't share this type of information with trusted staff how can you make adjustments to your management. Ironically, if a member of the senior leadership team has come in and found a child chewing you would have been hauled over the coals for not keeping to school rules . Unless, of course, they knew, but you didn't, that the particular child in question had home issues. You really can't win. When I was on SLT I made sure that all who needed to know ...which of course meant staff who has to manage the child, were told all relevant information. I have observed that some SLT members would not divulge info necessary to the proper management of certain pupils. Why? Is it power? I know something you don't and I can beat you over the head with your lack of knowledge later or distrust of their own staff?? Take some time for yourself op. It's a tough gig teaching these days. I loved it but so glad I'm retired now. 💐

Sorry to hear this OP, I was a physics teacher for 18 years, planned then made my escape in 2020, lockdown more or less co-inciding with me resigning to leave that summer.

Now I run my own business, get paid more and plough my own furrow.

In my case I studied night school for a few years prior to leaving to qualify as an electrician, now run a business specialising in smart home controls and commercial BMS (building management systems) - it's been a rapid growth and most rewarding, I reckon i spend 50% of my time working in schools mending their heating controls and ignoring the kids completely!!!😁

Look after your mental heath, unfortunately its not going to get any better, make a planned exit to a new start, its never too late, and do think outside the box, outside education.

@Elendel

I am sorry you are experiencing so much crap💩 like this, and not being supporting effectively at all,

No wonder some good teachers are leaving in Droves, !

It's high time this kind of thing is taking more seriously in as much as teachers being supported in more Holistic way ,
not constantly Eagle eyed nit picking over everything being judgemental,

so to look better for Ofsted reports and inspectors,

Teachers are valuable resources,

It's all very well pointing out this teachers one mistake, that needs to be done in a more Holistic senistive manner,
than what happened here in this case,

but for God's sake where is the much needed support for teachers in general who are trying to do the best then?

Teachers are human like the rest of us not Robot's,

Respect goes both ways

It's not one way street

Sorry to hear this. It's bollocks eh. My niece had to give up primary school teaching a job she loved after being assaulted by a six year old. She got no backing or help from school.

So sorry OP it's sounds really unfair. So because something you said was interpreted wrongly everything that went on before leading to it will be ignored?

Union

Yes it's the lack of sanctions or discipline of the perpetrators

Sorry this has happened to you OP

Ofgs

Too bad if they felt like that so,disproportionate

You don't have to have a gap in your employment! I've never had any gaps in mine. You just apply for a September start as soon as you can. Once you've given your notice, your heart will lift.

If you haven't even searched for vacancies and don't intend to put in any applications, my sympathy is limited.

As I say, not all schools are like this. There's no point hand wringing over the state of schools today etc but then staying as you are: there are other much more pleasant schools to work in.

I used to swear at the blighters quite a lot, but back in the day (and i'm talking 10 years ago) no one cared - so long as you were fair, you could be firm, keep discipline and get the job (the educating bit) done.

I always remember with great fondness the day my headmaster walked into a room and cooly said to one year 11 girl in the front row (we'll call her Sue) - "Ah, Sue, glad to see you in (she had attendance issues, always in trouble), next time turn the lights on when doing your make up (it was awful and broke school rules)" lots of giggles from the others as Sue shrivelled up, slowly we reformed her. She's done OK, Solicitor in the town now, often stop for a chat in the street.

Had a lad, lets call him James, always kept taking the mick out of other appearance, in about 2004 I got totally fed up with the cretin, told him to stand on the table, right I said, you be quiet james, everyone else is going to take the mick out of you, make fun of you for a change - which they did, a proper roasting, he took 4 minutes of it and ran off crying. I bumped into him last year, he now runs a business I have dealings with, when he saw me he zoomed out of his office and shook my hand firmy, I said whats that for - to which he replied, you remember when you got me on the desk, that changed my outlook and made me who I am - frankly I was bloody proud, of him!

So much as say boo to a goose now and the teacher is on the naughty step!

OP. Hugs. Teacher here on the receiving end of all manner of unpleasantness at best from all angles.
If you can be kind to teachers or just a bit neutral. It will help.

So sorry you’ve been treated this way OP. Please look for another job. There are so many teacher vacancies out there.

At Parents Evening I always ask my DC’s teachers if my DC behave in their class. It would be totally unacceptable to me and DH if they were in anyway misbehaving, disruptive or disrespect their teacher.

Sounds like burnout OP, I'm so sorry for you. I was a secondary teacher for 5 years and lucky enough to have the means to escape to the civil service. There are many many jobs out there and teaching is a massively transferable career!

Is the mortgage worth your happiness?

You have my sympathy. I worked as a Teaching Assistant for 12 years but left in May because I have become disillusioned with the job. I felt particularly sorry for my teacher colleagues who had to put up with shit like this on a regular basis. TAs don't get it quite so bad but bad enough.

I agree with others that you only have a week left until the holidays and a break. I would self certify if you feel unable to go in next week. But in the longer term and for the sake of your mental health, maybe you should look at other jobs in schools or not.

Why are kids so awful in the classroom? Is it poor parenting, lack of consequences for poor behaviour, too much wokeness in school? I honestly don’t understand.

I work part time (not teaching) in a selective secondary school where behaviour is excellent. I’m assuming that’s a consequence of effective management and parental aspiration (it’s a grammar school).

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Just wanted to give you and your daughter some ideas of what she could be with a degree in English so she can be sure she doesn’t have to resort to teaching. Best of luck!

Mainly poor parenting in my opinion. Some parents haven't bought their children up to show respect for other people (adults or other children).

My daughter in law, who is a primary teacher, tells me about classroom and parent behaviour nowadays and I'm beyond shocked at times. Some of the kids do not know how to behave and some just don't care.

There was nothing anywhere near as bad as this when I was at school and, as Kim experienced, my parents left school at 14 as they needed to work, and were very respectful of my teachers. They couldn't help me with homework, and there was no internet in the 70s & 80s, but they encouraged me to do as well as possible in my O Levels.

I'm so sorry that you have been put in this position, OP. I really feel for you.

What was the exact word you used which is the equivalent of "you'll have to stay hungry for a while"?
I think whether the school overreacted or not depends on what exactly you said.

But the school should have dealt with the pupils involved. There should be proper behaviour policies in place and these should be carried out. There are too many children in schools who are aggressive and violent and nothing is being done about them.
The school seems to have failed in their duty of care to you because you say you already asked for help with the group and nothing was done.
Can you ask for another meeting when things have calmed down and say that you shouldn't have used the word but there should be strategies put in place for the group, that you raised the issue with the group several times and nothing was done?

It sounds like a toxic school and perhaps you might be able to find somewhere else instead?

Go off sick. Full pay. Get a new job/supply.

it is not worth it. No job is.

I had 7 weeks off sick 2 years ago. Toxic school with weak leadership. Never looked back as I got a job whilst off work and am
still there. There is another life out there.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

Have as much of a rest as possible at the weekend, but search the TES and The Guardian for jobs, and set up job alerts on your phone. Apply for anything that may be feasible.

Please call in sick on Monday, phone your union and tell them everything. Write it all down before you call so you can be prepared. Tell them you’re feeling very stressed and overwhelmed, and have had dark thoughts and will be going to the Doctor’s.

Get a Doctor’s appointment asap and get a certificate for stress for as long as possible. When it runs it, go back and get it renewed as many times as needed until you get a new job elsewhere. Obviously when you’re on long term sick leave you don’t set cover work so you will get to have a proper rest and get into a better place mentally before your next job. You will still be getting paid your full salary for a long time before it drops - you will get another job long before then.

I’m so sick and tired of the young people being the only ones who are ever right, listened to and believed. I took 5 years out from teaching in recent years, and when I returned, I couldn’t believe how much had changed - something has seriously changed for the worst in society. Everyone is so offended by everything, yet students will goad and intimidate staff, because of course it’s fine to goad and intimidate Teachers!

Everything will be fine.