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Original poster

Teacher: I went home crying again today

266 replies

Elendel · 08/12/2023 18:33

...because I got pulled up on using one wrong word (in context, and I am EAL) while a class of youngsters were able to use whatever tone and language they thought was fine with them at the time. I defended my stance, used one wrong word among many spoken in an effort to defuse the situation, and it was me who got pulled into a meeting over my language, not the kid who was in the wrong and ultimately defended by their peers through so many accusations.

Today I, an experienced teacher, am broken. I got told that I, as an adult, should have used a different way of approaching something the student instigated. I am unable to leave. But boy... I saw a car crash on the way home and for a split second I wished that had been me.

I am better now, I do not need help. But if you have children, teach them that other people - teachers - are human, too. Because I am held to such a high standard while displayed violence and verbal abuse are just everyday occurrences for me.

OP posts:
rainbowsparkle28 · 08/12/2023 21:52

Isthisexpected · 08/12/2023 18:42

It's not bad that you were pulled up on it though. What if it was ignored? That's like saying it's acceptable. Forgive yourself but still accept accountability. Move on. I don't get why negative feedback makes you feel broken.

Really helpful reply, not...ever heard of the straw that broke the camel's back 🤨

PropertyManager · 08/12/2023 21:56

notahappybunny7 · 08/12/2023 21:33

Humiliation, lovely. That’s before we get on to your crap grammar and spelling. Teacher my arse.

Show quote history

well that comes from being dyslexic I suppose, good with numbers, so chose physics, MSc in that, then PGCE, 18 years at the chalk face, always avoided taking any English classes.

Humiliation, Lovely, but you don't mind using it as a tool to make me feel shit about being dyslexic, it works, I do, it worked for dear James too, he learned tot to make fun of others, he could change that, he did, he made a success of his life.

Letting the kids run riot, then being a pushover might be nice in the present, but doesn't help them in the future now, does it!!

LizS16 · 08/12/2023 21:59

OP, total respect for your traumatic history - it sounds like you have/are overcoming a lot and I can appreciate how you value your freedom now. Hats off to you for staying so strong.

Forgive my stupidity, are you an EAL in another country? Are there teaching unions you can join where you are? Is their paid sick leave?

My advice would be to take sick leave (if affordable), a doctor would be very sympathetic to the working conditions you're under. It is a very difficult and long time of the year on top of the extremely unsupportive school you are in. Once rested and recuperated it will be easier to judge for yourself what your options are: Stay in teaching? Move to another school? Leave teaching? You'll be able to give yourself some time to look around.

You cannot be a good teacher if you do not look after yourself. I hate the phrase you can't pour from an empty cup but it's so true.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to give yourself some grace.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
yhk · 08/12/2023 22:00

Elendel · 08/12/2023 19:09

I didn't swear. It was the equivalent of saying "you'll have to stay hungry for a while" to someone who hadn't eaten at break time and was chewing away on something in class. Turns out they weren't fed at home and what I said was triggering. But the person who pulled me up admitted this information wasn't shared with staff, normally. But because I sounded callous about it, everything was formally recorded.

I hope you told your boss that you are not a mind reader. How are you supposed to know it would affect the pupil? I'm sure if you would've been informed of the situation you wouldn't have said that.

Is this really what some pupils are like these days?

WhickDittington · 08/12/2023 22:02

I'm so sorry @Elendel I get them when they're undergrads and sadly some of these thoughtless and entitled behaviours persist. Some parents today need to have a long hard think about the values they're modelling for their children.

MadeOfAllWork · 08/12/2023 22:03

Who are all these people say it’s only a week left? Two weeks here!

Anyway, I don’t know a single teacher who isn’t planning to leave.

One teacher has had her room trashed and stones thrown at her by a 5 year old.
Another, over 6 ft man, had a toe broken by a 6 year old.
This week I have been called a bitch, a cunt and told to fuck off.

SLT do nothing, but god help us if we don’t have a learning objective stuck in.

Scarletttulips · 08/12/2023 22:04

You have transferable skills.

I moved - I could lead a class and I can lead a team - I know what works with kids works with adults - and with experience behind me it’s dead easy, pays more and there are loads of staff benefits. I wouldn’t go back - I sit on my bum all day and feel appreciated.

Mostlyoblivious · 08/12/2023 22:04

Speak with that body and also ACAS

Mostlyoblivious · 08/12/2023 22:04

Also keep time and dated notes of this and other interactions

JennyJenny8675309 · 08/12/2023 22:06

Teaching has become an awful profession. I taught primary for many years and enjoyed it, but for my colleagues teaching older children it very different. There is little support for teachers. I have two daughters and I’m thankful that neither one decided to become a teacher!

LizS16 · 08/12/2023 22:06

Yup, HEO or above! It's such an amazing transferable career. I'm organising training now so keeping a very small toe in the education world with none of the kids!

elfintinsel · 08/12/2023 22:11

I'm a teacher and got called a liar by a parent when she demanded that I speak to her. Management know she is a tricky one yet they walked her to me, no warning and then fucked off.
The child had bent the truth to make herself look innocent and as a consequence I looked like a monster.
The lack of support from management is awful. The kids have zero respect for class teachers. The kids rule the roost. Hopefully, you get things sorted Opx

Scousefab · 08/12/2023 22:13

I work in private sector and been put down massively myself by someone I trained. They slated me via email and then Copied my manager to witness my mistakes very small may I add. Fuming beyond belief. some mean people out there in any industry. I would ask to have a camera in with you in future then no one’s behaviour can be misconstrued as a stroppy comment for your rubbish senior manager On a serious note maybe consider another school with a better senior management team. Sending hugs and feel your pain I will be looking for a change of employment myself too.

Feelingleftoutagain · 08/12/2023 22:15

I retired from teaching early as it was to stressful and although you said you can't leave why not look for another school that will support you better. We all have bad days but this weekend make time to do something you enjoy and remember at the end of the day it's just a job and you deserve better

supersop60 · 08/12/2023 22:18

Isthisexpected · 08/12/2023 18:42

It's not bad that you were pulled up on it though. What if it was ignored? That's like saying it's acceptable. Forgive yourself but still accept accountability. Move on. I don't get why negative feedback makes you feel broken.

Are you a teacher?
If so you should be more understanding of how difficult vile students can be, and to then be criticised for dealing with them.
If not - there's so much more to it than a bit of negative feedback.

Catslovenip · 08/12/2023 22:19

Perhaps the school should be more concerned about the parents not feeding their child rather than focus on one of your words. They’re missing the bigger picture here. Benefits are stupidly low but they do enable parents to feed their DC. No excuses.

Chattygirl123 · 08/12/2023 22:20

Op please please please go off sick and then go to the Dr. They will definitely sign you off. I used to teach in England and had no backing from management. That and ofsted made me leave. I do supply now in Northern Ireland. Unless I'm really stuck I'll never go back to full time teaching. Op please listen to the replies telling you to either leave teaching or go to a better school. Life is far too short.

Rainyblue · 08/12/2023 22:21

OP I am so sorry. I feel that’s a complete over reaction to what you said.

Teachers are expected to be absolutely perfect and never make a single error whilst at the same time being constantly pushed emotionally by the behaviour of their students. Teachers I know are very careful about what they say and the language they use, but have the constant fear that one day they will slip up and say a wrong word and they’ll be hauled up for it.

It seems to me that many children have no emotional capacity to deal with any sort of firm language. Any questioning or comment on their behaviour is taken as a huge personal offence. I can only think that they are not being taught how to deal with their emotions at home by their parents. Schools are often too scared of parents to deal with it and tiptoe around the kids with ‘well, they have issues’.

It doesn’t do them any favours in the long run.

Just one example, I was dealing with a pupil who was repeatedly very late / absent. obviously I had tried to involve the parent already. Anyway 3rd day in a row of being late so we asked them about why they were late so often. Later on I had the parent on the phone in a rage about how we had dared to question their child and she had gone home in tears (an older teenager btw), that she had actually been at an appointment (which the parent had neglected to inform us about) and how dare we upset them. So rather than accept this was their own parenting fault, it’s easier to blame the school.

There is such a fear amongst parents I think of anything upsetting their child that they are creating a completely unnatural environment.

I often wonder how these kids manage after they have left school and get a job. Do they burst into tears or have a fit of rage every time their boss asks them to be on time / do their job?

YouJustDoYou · 08/12/2023 22:21

I had a teacher once say to me something similar. It was nothing to her, but a lot to a kid going through hell. I'll never forget it (I was about 7 at the time). Unbeknownst to her my home life was hell, lonely, abusive, horrible hell. In a world where many kids are going hungry right now you needed to be reminded of that, whether you like it or not.

MsCactus · 08/12/2023 22:26

Go off sick OP and look after yourself.

Then start applying for jobs at a different school

WinterParakeets · 08/12/2023 22:40

Elendel · 08/12/2023 18:33

...because I got pulled up on using one wrong word (in context, and I am EAL) while a class of youngsters were able to use whatever tone and language they thought was fine with them at the time. I defended my stance, used one wrong word among many spoken in an effort to defuse the situation, and it was me who got pulled into a meeting over my language, not the kid who was in the wrong and ultimately defended by their peers through so many accusations.

Today I, an experienced teacher, am broken. I got told that I, as an adult, should have used a different way of approaching something the student instigated. I am unable to leave. But boy... I saw a car crash on the way home and for a split second I wished that had been me.

I am better now, I do not need help. But if you have children, teach them that other people - teachers - are human, too. Because I am held to such a high standard while displayed violence and verbal abuse are just everyday occurrences for me.

I am sorry this happened to you. And it is gravely worrying that children can now behave as they please but teachers must tread on eggshells around them. This complete imbalance of rights and responsibilities helps no one.

If I were you, I'd look for work elsewhere. There is a reason teachers are leaving the profession in droves and this is it.

MillarMountVandal · 08/12/2023 22:55

Elendel · 08/12/2023 18:33

...because I got pulled up on using one wrong word (in context, and I am EAL) while a class of youngsters were able to use whatever tone and language they thought was fine with them at the time. I defended my stance, used one wrong word among many spoken in an effort to defuse the situation, and it was me who got pulled into a meeting over my language, not the kid who was in the wrong and ultimately defended by their peers through so many accusations.

Today I, an experienced teacher, am broken. I got told that I, as an adult, should have used a different way of approaching something the student instigated. I am unable to leave. But boy... I saw a car crash on the way home and for a split second I wished that had been me.

I am better now, I do not need help. But if you have children, teach them that other people - teachers - are human, too. Because I am held to such a high standard while displayed violence and verbal abuse are just everyday occurrences for me.

Disgraceful that anyone would be made to feel this low and unsupported in their workplace.
Sorry you had this experience today, and I'm glad to hear you're feeling better tonight.

We're going to end up with no one willing to teach our children if we continue to allow teachers to be treated so abysmally. At my daughter's recent parents evening, one of her teachers (a lovely young woman) was imploring me to speak to the head teacher about the poor behaviour of classmates potentially impacting on my daughter's education (parents concerns are acted upon, whilst teachers' are ignored).

MrsR87 · 08/12/2023 22:55

MadeOfAllWork · 08/12/2023 22:03

Who are all these people say it’s only a week left? Two weeks here!

Anyway, I don’t know a single teacher who isn’t planning to leave.

One teacher has had her room trashed and stones thrown at her by a 5 year old.
Another, over 6 ft man, had a toe broken by a 6 year old.
This week I have been called a bitch, a cunt and told to fuck off.

SLT do nothing, but god help us if we don’t have a learning objective stuck in.

Same here. I’m a head of department in a secondary school and almost all of my colleagues are actively searching to leave or aren’t because they feel trapped due to circumstances.
I’m in my 14th year now and am leaving at Christmas. The relief is immense but so is my sadness and anger! Although the job has alway been hard work compared to my previous jobs, I enjoyed it. The positives far outweighed the negatives and so even when you had a bad day, the difference you knew you were making to children’s lives made it all worthwhile! Since 2021 though, for me the job has become unbearable. Everyday is a struggle and the moments that make you remember why you became a teacher in the first place are few and far between. Younger management teams/ lots of academy trusts (but not all) just aren’t addressing behaviour and maintaining standards. Our old head left five years ago and he would be truly shocked to see what now happens in our once calm and serene school.

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/12/2023 22:58

Go off sick until after Christmas and spend that time looking seriously for another job. No all schools are like that. I taught for many years and to be honest if I were you I would be looking at the civil service or somewhere similar for work.

There are options, but it is very hard to see them when you are upset. Take some time now and have a really good thing about what you can do.

💐

tara66 · 08/12/2023 23:02

Just read in Guardian that in France 6 teenagers (13,14,15) have been convicted of BEHEADING their teacher Samuel Paty in 2020. Tell authorities in your school stricter discipline is needed from the top.