Teacher: I went home crying again today

[Elendel]

...because I got pulled up on using one wrong word (in context, and I am EAL) while a class of youngsters were able to use whatever tone and language they thought was fine with them at the time. I defended my stance, used one wrong word among many spoken in an effort to defuse the situation, and it was me who got pulled into a meeting over my language, not the kid who was in the wrong and ultimately defended by their peers through so many accusations.

Today I, an experienced teacher, am broken. I got told that I, as an adult, should have used a different way of approaching something the student instigated. I am unable to leave. But boy... I saw a car crash on the way home and for a split second I wished that had been me.

I am better now, I do not need help. But if you have children, teach them that other people - teachers - are human, too. Because I am held to such a high standard while displayed violence and verbal abuse are just everyday occurrences for me.

I agree with you about the parents, but the absolute worst thing for @Elendel is the fact her own team don't have her back . I was at school in the 70's and 80's and there were kids then who were arseholes, probably the product of arsehole parents, but the difference was that you just knew if you acted up in one class, maybe because the teacher was less strict, another teacher would be brought in who would tear you a new arsehole. It seems to me like these arsehole kids are now being allowed/encouraged to be even bigger arseholes because of weak management by the SLT in some schools.

I feel for you and hope for better for you.

Know in your heart that you did your best under trying circumstances.

Apologise to the kid in person. (and be proud to do so)
Get on with the job but look for a new one.

You can only put it down to experience now and how you react after this will determine your job happiness a year down the track.

So sorry to read this. Can you start tutoring online perhaps? Even working abroad? Many countries love British teachers and pay them very well. The UAE, Africa etc. Very generous packages and the students are more conservative and respectful.

I started teaching around 2002. You really couldn't swear at kids or humiliate them, even then.
Try again.

You have been let down by the school leadership team
It’s easier for them to blame
you than deal with the behaviour

contact your union

if you need to take time off - do so - unless you are already on a plan due to attendance the. It won’t count against you when applying for other jobs

Ultimately there are other jobs in better schools

This. I have anxiety disorders and do legitimately get "triggered" but I am so fucking tired of hearing that word, often misused, definitely way overused. And just because someone is triggered, that doesn't mean the triggerer is to blame! You can't be responsible for everyone else's sensibilities.

Sorry this happened to you OP and sorry you didn't get more back-up from your employer. Very poor show on their part. No wonder people are leaving the profession in droves.

If it is a child who isn’t getting fed at home that is a pretty serious trigger. It might also explain some of the bad behaviour.

No thanks!, 18 years across two fairly rough inner city comps., last one became part of a MAT as I was planning to go, was enough for me - i'll remember it fondly, mainly for the hundreds of wonderful young people I had the privilege to teach over those years.

Its becoming more stressful as a career, and the workload is nigh on impossible, especially in shortage areas (which mine is, always has been!) where often you are constantly covering vacant positions and providing resources for other non subject specialists to gap fill.

I really think parents should be compelled to homeschool some of these feral beasts that they’re raising, so teachers can remain in school to work with children and families who want to engage with education.

Or at least put them out to toil, instead of having them in schools terrorising teachers.

I also hope they are as awful to the adults raising them to be entitled, awful twats. So many excuses are made for what is just nasty behaviour.

Go to Facebook, search 'Life After Teaching - Exit The Classroom And Thrive.' You're not stuck.

I think there's a few things at play here op.

There's the lack of support you're receiving in helping you manage challenging behaviours in the classroom. I would join a union and have a discussion with your rep regarding this. This is probably contributing to you feeling burn out and is why you're reacting so strongly to this particular situation.

There is a lack of information being passed along within the staff team, which means that you're going along with good intentions but unaware of where the potential landmines are for certain children who you are responsible for. That inevitably means that you could say or do something without realising that could trigger a reaction from any child in your class. Again this is something your union rep and your school should be addressing on order to support you to better meet the needs of your students because you yourself are more aware of their circumstances.

It does sound like an over reaction from your senior management given that they've recognised the lack of communication and support you've been given even though you've asked. They also need to hold themselves accountable.

But then at the same time I will say, gently, you can't always know if a child in your class is struggling at home so it is important that words are chosen carefully. I work with kids who have left school because their needs were unmet at home and school can naturally really highlight those differences without anyone meaning to and its hard. Hard for the pupils and hard for the teaching staff. So I do think there's a lesson for you in here too. The problem is that you've had such an unsupportive experience up to now that this is the straw breaking the camels back rather than a moment where you can say fair enough and move on and be more considerate in future. If your senior management were holding themselves equally accountable it would be easier for you to also be accountable because this isn't completely on your shoulders and there are steps they could and should have taken to help you identify and avoid this altogether. Their reluctance to hold themselves responsible means you're left feeling scapegoated and you're right it's not going to help the pupils either if the management team won't do anything differently.

If you're at the point where you're feeling suicidal or like self injury is preferable to going to work, even if it's fleeting, I'd speak to your gp about it and see what support you can get outside of the school. Perhaps you need to be off for a while to let yourself rebuild your confidence and resilience. Then when you feel ready I'd ask for a meeting with your management team and your union rep to see what changes can be made going forward.

Call in sick next time, you can't function on empty. No point giving them 💯 loyalty when you're not getting it back. Look after yourself and DC first, job comes second. You're too used to being abused and putting up with shit whilst still giving your all. Pay attention to what people in your life give you and reflect it back. Means you don't waste all your energy on those who don't deserve it.

It's just such a shame that this is the state of so many schools. Where teachers are unhappy and leaving in droves, as well as failing to attract the best and the brightest as future teachers.

I've got 3 children - well not children anymore- ranging between the ages of 16 and 23, and all of them when they were little said "when I grow up I want to be a teacher" and to all of them I said "Crikey, no, why would you want to do that?" It used to be quite an admiral profession to go into, but now I would say it's more of either a failure to get into any other profession, or an absolute passion to get into it despite knowing how bad it can be. The people who feel passionate about I would suspect are dwindling in numbers?

Get a sense of proportionality. A newsreader was caught on camera giving the middle finger. I mean that's a work fuck up. But because its a cool media job it will be fine.
If you are a good teacher remember all the good stuff and the pupils you have taught and succeeded with. There's lots of other jobs with kids that are meaningful if you like working with children otherwise. Don't sweat this one incident. Its about your environment not you you as person.

Actually OP I would try your very best to dwell on it and run over it any further. The circumstances and how fair they do or do not feel cannot be changed and what people on here think really won't change them either.

All I would say is that I can't see why you can't job hunt, there are jobs out there for those leaving the teaching profession, and not all schools will be the same even if you remained in it. I can't think of (unless you have further information to offer) any reason why it would be impossible to make a move, though I appreciate it may feel very difficult.

You need to prioritise yourself here, take time off if you need to, let senior leadership know how you are feeling, speak with your GP, look for support among your peers - teaching specific forums, unions, instagram even and continually remind yourself that you do have choices and are not stuck unless you decide you are.

What word did you use?

You need to leave. I take its Secondary school. Leave. Schools are desperate.

Sending love OP, that's dreadful and of course they should have disciplined the unruly kids.

As others have said, start looking for jobs. Teaching is tough but not all schools target your mental health. Good luck

Trouble is the parents may have the same mindset so it makes them even worse

A lot of the poor behaviour is attention seeking

I started teaching around 2002. You really couldn't swear at kids or humiliate them, even then.Try again.

Just because you theoretically couldn't, that doesn't mean it didn't happen and wasn't tolerated or at least got away with in some schools.

I am sitting in a rural school in Northern Thailand at the moment. The students here are so respectful and eager to learn. They have so little and appreciate everything. It has been a wonderful day today meeting them and their teachers. The state of education in the UK is woeful. I honestly don't know where it will end. I feel so sorry for teachers. OP, I agree with everyone saying get signed off and look for a different job. You must have loads of transferrable skills.

So you said along the lines of not eating - tough starve and you got complained about ?

Seems very harsh and not supportive of school esp if they hadn't told teachers or the pupils background /home

Def look for another job

Doesn't have to be a sept start. Our newsletter often mentions a teacher leaving and good luck to them etx

Am so sorry, you do such a fantastic job especially now the world has gone so PC crazy, it’s so hard to keep up.
Call in sick, unless your my son’s wonderful science teacher because she literally gives him confidence like no one else…. ✨

Respect is so important in school, I always ask if my kids are respectful at parents evenings since it was raised that my son was respectful as a positive in a report….. surely that is a bare minimum expectation?!?

Thank you for the messages.

Getting signed off isn't an option, because the trust don't pay standard teacher sick pay and when I got flu a few weeks back I've already taken a good chunk of my sick pay allowance for the year.

I'm a career teacher. It's all I've ever wanted to do, but I grew up in a country where teachers are treated with respect. But I now have family here, so moving back isn't an option. I wouldn't know what else to do; teaching is my passion and I am good at it.

Moving schools.. I am keeping an eye out. My role is a bit more niche and therefore harder to find.

I don't know what will happen as a result of yesterday. The colleague typed the conversation up while we were speaking, but I don't know how that will be used. If I was under a warning, I guess I'd have to be explicitly told?

You COULD find a different job. You would be going from one salaried job to another, so not a problem in terms of mortgage application.

Teaching doesn’t have to be like this. I have taught for 22 years and love my job. I wouldn’t do anything else. Being in the right school makes such a difference.