Can you coach a child to show autistic behavior's

[wonderings2]

This sounds bonkers and I'm probably going to get ripped to shreds but here goes...

My sister is convinced her 3 yo DD is autistic, the problem is she's the only one that does. In reaction to numerous people pointing out that they don't see the child showing any autistic behavior's she almost seems to be encouraging the child to behave in a certain way...

There are so many examples but a few:

She attends nursery 5 days a week for 10 hours a day, she has asked them for a SEN assessment but they refused as they have said she isn't showing any neurodiverse behavior's and they have no concerns regarding her development, but said if there are any specific adaptions she would like they would look into it, she asked for a tent /den that the child can go into when she overwhelmed that the other children know they cant go into, they put this in place but pointed out 2 months later that the child never uses it.

She has taught the child to shout "space" and (fairly gently) push a person /child away if she feels they are too close to her, the problem is no-one has actually seen he child do this unless her mum prompts her, so for example we were at a park and sister was fretting as another child was playing to close to her, so she got her attention and did the movement prompting the child to shout "space" and push the other child away. They were both happily playing before that but understandably the other child moved away.

She hovers over her playing and told another child off for climbing up the slide her DD was trying to slide down as "DD is autistic and doesn't understand when other children don't do things the right way, it could upset her and cause a melt down"

She claims the child has fixations on certain foods, toys tv shows etc but no-one else see's these, theres a never a photo (we share loads of photos) and you don't hear the child talk about it.

She doesn't include the child in activities like trick or treating and seeing Santa as it will overstimulate her then rants on social media about her being left out? Other family members take the child for the day and she copes fine.

Sisters husband was getting so concerned that he mentioned it to our mum, his Dad (a retired school teacher) and friends and they all said they didn't believe the child was currently showing any autistic behavior's. She reacted very badly to this, said a mum knows her child best and that we are all denial, the child only shows autistic traits around her because she feels safe with her and is masking all other times.

Interestingly she isn't pursuing a diagnosis as she is claiming the nursery agree with her (they don't) and when the child starts school next year they can provide support without needing a diagnosis??

Autism isnt automatic bar. They do a medical assessment and look at how it affects you. Dont know about dairy allergies in terms of a bar to joining, but my son has his allergies retested at interval and grew out of egg allergy and its no longer on his records as current.

So he really should look at his dairy thing and get it removed.

A high functioning child will not get many if any extra accommodations if they can cope in mainstream and are not disruptive. That’s the sad reality of our state education system. Not enough to for some parents to feel it will make it materially easier for their child against the risk of difficulty joining certain career paths later. And it is very hard to join the military/police with certain diagnosis on your record, despite what they may state.

Boilingover24

If they have an nhs diagnosis their autism will be impacting their lives hugely. it’s an arduous process. I’m not getting why the nhs or parents would go through it then say let’s pretend we didn’t go through all this. It would not be in a child’s best interest. Chances are also like many ND children they will struggle hugely as teens and need services. Their autism will be a huge part of that and a diagnosis will be hugely useful.

My daughter is high functioning and has an EHCP.Define coping and not being disruptive. You mean masking. So basically all the progress we have made in recent years on the damage masking does to autistic girls and women should be ignored. Many many women and girls are driven to suicide attempts when handling masking. Just because a system has historically only catered and favoured autism in boys does not mean girls now being picked up should basically ignore their diagnosis.

Your posts are appalling.

Oh and the message this thread is sending re encouraging parents of children with non stereotypical ND traits to ignore them or even pretend they don’t meet the threshold for diagnosis is just astounding.

Ludicrous that that’s apparently ok but a worried parent trying to get adjustments for their child isn’t. What message about disability are you trying to make exactly?

And these will be the same people who would cry ‘neglect’ of a parent did that - you can’t win with some people sadly

This is close enough to my circumstances that I'm half wondering if JuliaJoJelly knows me in real life. (I'm an ex welfare rights advisor and I have an autistic kid getting DLA for night needs)
If so, its the first time I've recognised myself in a mumsnet post so thats quite a cool milestone!

Anyway, even if its not me, I thought I would clarify what "knowing what to put on the forms" means in pratice. Because there does seem to be a misconception that theres some magic formula which you can learn and just trot out to get cash. I half thought this too, when I started training and I was quite disappointed to learn the truth!

Obviously I know what the qualifying critera for DLA is. And I've learned how to phrase things so they seem to fit more easily into the criteria. Thats part of the job.

But....the things still have to be plausible and they still have to be consistent with the available evidence. Or it won't fly with the decision maker. Or later on at tribunal.

So in my case....I needed DLA because school was making my kid so distressed he was dissociating. I had to give up work to home educate him.

Attention to help with learning can count as a care need for DLA. But that didn't fit our situation very well because he doesn't exactly need "attention" with learning. He just needs to be in a very specific environment. Thats not a situation that was anticipated by legal test.

On the other hand, I knew that "repeated attention with bodily functions" at night will qualify you for middle rate care. My kid won't sleep at night and while he's awake he has a tendancy to chew objects....including chocking hazards.

Now....to me its no big deal to pop into his bedroom every now and again and check he's not chewing on something dangerous. Far, far less hassle than giving up work to home educate. But it fits their rules and it was backed up by a psychologists report that mentioned sleep difficulties and chewing for sensory needs.

So I knew to write a lot about checking up on him at night and not so much about home education.

Thats where "Knowing what to say in the forms" will get you. The ability to present the facts in a way that works to your advantage. But NOT the ability to make stuff up and be automatically believed.

What OP is talking about is something else again and sounds very worrying.