What would you do if an overweight relative kept breaking your furniture?

[AlittleBitOfApple]

My partner has a very overweight family member, I am not being mean. I would say they are most definitely in excess of 20+stone, potentially over 25. This is the second time they have broken a piece of furniture.
The furniture is brand new and we paid for insurance on it which doesn't have an excess and unlimited claims for 5 years. So at least it won't cost us anything to get it fixed.
I am going to have call the furniture company on Monday and ask them to come out and look at our sofa because its clearly broken. You can feel it when you sit on it/its creaking and its the bit they always sit on when they come to visit. Its a 2k sofa so not a cheap one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable having them in my house because I am worried about things getting damaged. How on earth do you broach with someone that they are breaking your things with their weight? They are very defensive about it and I know if we said something it would affect the relationship my DP has with them. Equally I think they would try and deny it and say their sofa is fine etc. Both times it has happened we didn't notice until after they had gone. For example with the sofa, we don't often sit on the bit that I today have noticed is broken, however it is where they sit when ever they come over.

It's just a really awkward situation.

Be direct. They will be aware of their size and probably noticed it breaking when they sat down so the conversation shouldn't be a surprise to them. Yes they'll be offended but so what? You're 2k out of pocket.

Honestly I’ll be following because I’ve no idea a good way to approach this. Maybe invest in a second hand big comfy sturdy chair and encourahe them to sit there. “Sit down here uncle joe and we’ll grab you a cuppa”.

I had a similar issue with my mum. She’s in wheel chair now so the issue passed.

Get a less shit sofa! I'm 21 stone and have never broken a bit of furniture in my life.

See them at their house instead.

How often do they visit? They kind of need to be told about the damage they’ve caused. If they want to bury their head in the sand and it causes a rift then it’s problem solved really. What’s the alternative? Replacing thousands of pounds worth of furniture after every visit?

I remember a thread exactly like this maybe five years ago , didn't go well .

I don't think we would have any space to put in another chair. Our house is quite an awkward space unfortunately.

Yes, this has happened to us, a few things broken in our place thanks to drunk/ overweight (or both) relatives. Not cheap things. We have just sucked it up and either chucked or replaced the things, it's a shame but I'd rather maintain good relationships and a confrontation would be horrible. Plus, if they were going to talk about it or apologise, they would have brought it up when the thing got broken, surely.

Just stop inviting them over, and see them at their house or somewhere out. If they make you uncomfortable then why are you continuing to invite them over?

I have a similar issue where older relative leaves a pissy smell on my furniture after visiting (along with throwing their weight down when they sit).

No idea how you raise it really.

I guess your options are to either stop them coming round or buy some furniture they can sit on and subtly suggest they sit there "sorry, Sam. The sofa's been a bit weak recently so is it ok to sit on this chair?"

It's not a shit sofa, it cost over 2k to buy and I don't have money to buy another one. The last time they broke it the guy who collected it said he had never seen one broken like that.
Maybe I am under estimating how much they weigh?

I'm not trying to be unkind but just because a piece of furniture doesn't withstand 21 stone being regularly sat on it, doesn't make it shit. That's a lot of weight, possibly slammed down when sitting, going onto a wooden structure.

You cannot pretend that is normal though. I get obesity is becoming extremely common nowadays, but the op says this man is potentially 25 stone plus. You cannot blame her furniture for not being able to cope with a person who is over double and potentially triple a normal humans weight. I’m a carer, I’m used to manual handling, and a lot of our devices are geared towards people who are obese nowdays. But even our equipment would have to be specifically tailored to cope with a 25 plus stone human. Bearing in mind that weight affects balance as well. A 20-30 stone person generally isn’t settling themselves down very daintily. When they’re coming down, they’re coming down hard

Its not just the sitting down either, its when they are getting up and they pile all of their weight on to the arm to push themselves up.

There is an uncomfortable undertone to this thread.

I think a decent sofa should be able to withstand that weight tbh.

Jesus

For some it can be the way they sit combined with weight. My relative is maybe 18 stone (so not huge) but they drop/flop
Into the sofa. They have broken two of their own and damaged ours. It's hard to explain it's almost like they never learnt to sit down properly.

I have a relative who borke several arms on sofas in different families homes. Now we sit at the table when they come. Is this an option for you?

Oh goody.
Another fat-shaming thread.

See them somewhere else? In their own home, probably.

I'd claim on the insurance.

One thing I wouldn't do is start thread on mumsnet for everybody to pile on about how awful the person is.

Don’t offer them a cuppa…. Don’t want the loo broke do you!

But it's not. It's a 'I've got a difficult social situation that happens to relate to someone's weight' thread.

25st isn’t that unusual these days and manufacturers must be anticipating that when they’re making new furniture surely. Wonder if the 2k sofa has more style than substance?