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Original poster

What would you do if an overweight relative kept breaking your furniture?

346 replies

AlittleBitOfApple · 06/12/2023 16:59

My partner has a very overweight family member, I am not being mean. I would say they are most definitely in excess of 20+stone, potentially over 25. This is the second time they have broken a piece of furniture.
The furniture is brand new and we paid for insurance on it which doesn't have an excess and unlimited claims for 5 years. So at least it won't cost us anything to get it fixed.
I am going to have call the furniture company on Monday and ask them to come out and look at our sofa because its clearly broken. You can feel it when you sit on it/its creaking and its the bit they always sit on when they come to visit. Its a 2k sofa so not a cheap one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable having them in my house because I am worried about things getting damaged. How on earth do you broach with someone that they are breaking your things with their weight? They are very defensive about it and I know if we said something it would affect the relationship my DP has with them. Equally I think they would try and deny it and say their sofa is fine etc. Both times it has happened we didn't notice until after they had gone. For example with the sofa, we don't often sit on the bit that I today have noticed is broken, however it is where they sit when ever they come over.

It's just a really awkward situation.

OP posts:
Thingamebobwotsit · 06/12/2023 17:39

My guess is they weigh more than 21 stone. But either way we have this issue... and we meet elsewhere. We can't afford the breakages. Sad as it is. And they can't help their weight gain as it is due to medication so saying something just isn't appropriate.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 06/12/2023 17:40

must be poor quality in all honesty. my dad was 23+ stone at his heaviest and never broke the sofa, i fact we had it about 10 years!

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 06/12/2023 17:41

I think I'd be looking to return the sofa as 'unfit for purpose'.

YuleDragon · 06/12/2023 17:42

sorry, as someone who is also 20st... i have also never broken any furniture i have sat on.. owned the one i'm sitting on for 2 years, i sit in it pretty much all day (i'm disabled btw) and its still in one piece!

Buy better furniture

LylaLee · 06/12/2023 17:44

Of course there are going to be similar threads. People's weight is increasing but furniture/shower trays are not being built in a special different way.

They probably want to pretend everything is fine. You need to send a message. You can't fit in 'a special chair'. So they can't pop round anymore. Your DP will visit them at theirs or in a public place.

blabla2023 · 06/12/2023 17:46

My uncle was a extremely overweight (close to 30 st), and broke several chairs and toilet seats.
My parents got a sturdy chair for him to sit on, and cheap seats for the downstairs loo. they approached it directly with him from a safety point of view, no issue.

purplehue · 06/12/2023 17:47

Interesting thread.

When I bought my first house I was gifted a leather sofa that had three owners and many people had sat on it. The structure of the sofa was still great when we gave it to the next person but the leather not so.

I think manufacturers, even expensive ones, do not make furniture of a high standard.

FloweryName · 06/12/2023 17:48

The responses you’re getting show what a difficult position you’re in OP.

In no other circumstance would people expect you to put up with someone breaking one of your belongings that cost £2k, but when it’s because someone else is overweight it must be you in the wrong 🙄

YANBU and this person is rude. When I was about 12, me and a friend were at another friends house and the first friend accidentally broke an ornament belonging to the other friends parents. Even at that age we knew the right thing to do was to own up and apologise so the fact that this person said nothing shows how little respect they have for you and your home.

justalittlesnoel · 06/12/2023 17:49

Hmmm I think it's a tough one.

I would also perhaps think that them sitting on it (but also, of course they put their weight on their arms to get up, it's unlikely they could spring up at that weight!) shouldn't really be breaking it. My current sofa is 7 years old, but DH (over 20st) has been sitting on it for years with no issue. Is it the way they're sitting down? The sofa itself? It's odd. You'd think the repair person would have seen a sofa broken due to weight before, perhaps it's a defective sofa if it's a break he's never seen before?

Realistically there's nothing you can do if your DP isn't willing to say something. There's no nice way to say it and if he's unwilling to get something said when it's his family member then I think you're just in a tough situation.

wudubelieveit · 06/12/2023 17:49

i would just be direct with them...ultimately when they end up in hospital they are going to need bariatric equipment which is even more added cost to the nhs. It's embarrassing enough to be obese without having to see the look on staff's faces when they know they have to move you. An ex colleague finally got the impetus to seek help for her weight when she got stuck in a portaloo and had to be rescued by firemen.

Mummymummy89 · 06/12/2023 17:52

AlittleBitOfApple · 06/12/2023 17:35

Nope. Not me.

Show quote history

OK apologies.

You could search for that thread though as the advice/opinions would be very similar

Tessisme · 06/12/2023 17:56

If this were my BIL (for example), I would after the first breakage be honest: hey Bill, last time you sat at that end of the sofa the slats under the cushion broke. We've just bought a new sofa and we can't afford to replace it any time soon. Can you please sit [offer a choice] from now on? Thanks. Fancy a cuppa?

This sounds like a decent template for a conversation I reckon. Honest, but friendly.

Crikey, I sat down heavily on our sofa (not £2000, but from M&S, so not exactly balsa wood) and heard a loud crack as the frame gave way. Everyone thought it was hilarious, but I KNOW it was weakened by my DC jumping up and down on it. Of course it was😆

bellac11 · 06/12/2023 17:59

moonlight1705 · 06/12/2023 17:03

Get a less shit sofa! I'm 21 stone and have never broken a bit of furniture in my life.

You'll be aware (as I was when I was nearly your weight) that the vast amount of furniture you can buy, expensive as well as 'shit', has a weight limit on it. I was always very careful to try to check this out, very very often its 100kg which is around 15.5 stone. At times you might get lucky and get a 110kg or even 120kg and 21 stone is in excess of that as well

Exercise bikes, exercise machines, bicycles, armchairs, dining room chairs, sofas, garden chairs, the list is endless of things you need to be aware of at that weight. I was quite limited often trying to find things for myself.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 06/12/2023 18:02

Greybeardy · 06/12/2023 17:22

25st isn’t that unusual these days and manufacturers must be anticipating that when they’re making new furniture surely. Wonder if the 2k sofa has more style than substance?

“25st isn’t that unusual these days”

well it bloody should be! Why are we excusing and normalising obesity? It’s one huge contributing factor to the state the NHS is in. Diabetes alone - often caused by obesity - accounts for 10% of the entire NHS budget/

Abitboring · 06/12/2023 18:07

PauliesWalnuts · 06/12/2023 17:27

I have a similar relative who broke my sofa and six months later an upholstered dining chair. I now steer them into the dining room and on to a sturdy but easily replaceable pine dining chair that I have purchased for this sole reason.

It's not fat shaming, but what else am I supposed to do? The man is morbidly obese through decades of bad diet and no exercise - I'm not going to skirt around that issue which is completely self-inflicted in his case.

Nobody, I repeat, nobody is morbidly obese through their own choice. It's an addiction like illness. I know it doesn't seem like this to you and it's probably completely pointless trying to explain this to you, but you do not become morbidly obese simply by eating shit. It's through overeating over many years which is often a coping mechanism for something else. There is no real treatment for it either and I know you probably think this person should just eat less and exercise purely through willpower. It does not work like that.

My heart breaks for your relative for having family like you that think about them like that and share it on the internet.

msbevvy · 06/12/2023 18:08

If the damage is happening because they are flopping down onto it or struggling to get up it might be worth trying raising the sofa when they visit. A set of "elephant feet" to do this can be bought for about £20.

AnneValentine · 06/12/2023 18:09

AlittleBitOfApple · 06/12/2023 17:09

It's not a shit sofa, it cost over 2k to buy and I don't have money to buy another one. The last time they broke it the guy who collected it said he had never seen one broken like that.
Maybe I am under estimating how much they weigh?

Show quote history

It’s a shit sofa. My husband weighs 25
stone. I weigh 11. Him and me and kids sit on sofa no issue. Kids sit on him. Heck we’ve had sex on the sofa.

bellac11 · 06/12/2023 18:11

My OH is a flopper, I cant stand it although hes not overweight but I think it can cause damage to the sofa

But very heavy people will flop, because you cant lower yourself easily and slowly and gently because once your knees are bent they just go.

Same with getting up, I had to rock back and forward to get some momentum to get up

fluffy2buffy · 06/12/2023 18:11

It's a shit sofa if it can't handle 20 stone, clearly it's not fit for purpose. What of 2 15 stone people were on it?

FoxyLocksie · 06/12/2023 18:13

Sometimes it's not the weight, it's more to do with the way a person sits down. If they have weak muscles they might be unable to control their descent all the way to sitting, so they flop down onto the furniture. That sudden jolt is what breaks it. My DH is (only) 16 stone but has managed to break two toilet seats in that way!

Maybe it's a very low sofa? A lot of people don't have the core strength to squat low enough to sit down slowly onto a low piece of furniture.

The OP might find it's better to offer their heavy relative an armchair rather than the sofa, so they can use the arms of the chair to help lower themselves down more slowly.

bellac11 · 06/12/2023 18:14

fluffy2buffy · 06/12/2023 18:11

It's a shit sofa if it can't handle 20 stone, clearly it's not fit for purpose. What of 2 15 stone people were on it?

Its often per seat, again something to be aware of if you think the whole sofa is capable of holding 20 stone, the seat might not be

Allthingsdecember · 06/12/2023 18:16

I’d complain to wherever you bought the sofa from tbh.

I have a very overweight family member that visits regularly… they have never broken a piece of furniture. I absolutely wouldn’t say anything to them if they did though, imagine how awful it would make them feel.

Brefugee · 06/12/2023 18:17

forgivingfiggy · 06/12/2023 17:17

There is an uncomfortable undertone to this thread.

no there isn't. There is the OP asking a genuine question (i get it - the way some people throw themselves into chairs/onto sofas, and then add the weight which is twice that of most adults and then some it is entirely plausible)

Are we to ignore the fact that some people are very very fat and heavy and pretend all is sweetness and light? and put up with broken sofas? i don't think so.

It's not like OP is shouting "oi fatso, fuck off and send me 2 grand for the sofa you broke with your lardy arse"

Summerdew · 06/12/2023 18:20

It doesn’t matter if it’s a shit sofa, it cost OP a lot of money and she can’t just go and buy another one. Quite frankly you know if you break something when you sit on it and your relative is rude for not telling you (exDH who was a skinny 11 stone and I once broke a bed, I pushed him down trying to be passionate and we heard a massive crack, turns out a knot in the wood was in a poor place). All you can do is be direct or never have them over. Sorry OP, it’s hard.