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Original poster

What would you do if an overweight relative kept breaking your furniture?

346 replies

AlittleBitOfApple · 06/12/2023 16:59

My partner has a very overweight family member, I am not being mean. I would say they are most definitely in excess of 20+stone, potentially over 25. This is the second time they have broken a piece of furniture.
The furniture is brand new and we paid for insurance on it which doesn't have an excess and unlimited claims for 5 years. So at least it won't cost us anything to get it fixed.
I am going to have call the furniture company on Monday and ask them to come out and look at our sofa because its clearly broken. You can feel it when you sit on it/its creaking and its the bit they always sit on when they come to visit. Its a 2k sofa so not a cheap one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable having them in my house because I am worried about things getting damaged. How on earth do you broach with someone that they are breaking your things with their weight? They are very defensive about it and I know if we said something it would affect the relationship my DP has with them. Equally I think they would try and deny it and say their sofa is fine etc. Both times it has happened we didn't notice until after they had gone. For example with the sofa, we don't often sit on the bit that I today have noticed is broken, however it is where they sit when ever they come over.

It's just a really awkward situation.

OP posts:
Floralsofa · 06/12/2023 19:03

QueenofTerrasen · 06/12/2023 19:01

So if three people are sat on a sofa, 10st each and it broke, that would be considered shit wouldn't it? Because a normal sofa 3/4 seater should withstand 3/4 people, right?
If a sofa broke with a combined weight of 30st between 3 people, no one would bat an eye. So yes - it's a shit sofa.

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I'm no physics expert, but that weight is spread over a much larger area, you know that will make a difference, right?

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 06/12/2023 19:03

YuleDragon · 06/12/2023 18:59

So if you have a sofa, and two people weighing 10st each sit on it, and it breaks when the dog jumps up... do you blame the 2 guests, or consider your sofa is shit and unfit for purpose?

Edited
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Well that wouldn't happen because the weight would be distributed across the sofa, not all concentrated in the one spot, as is happening with the person in question.

RampantIvy · 06/12/2023 19:04

BellaAndDave · 06/12/2023 18:53

Typical MN it’s the fault of the sofa 😂.

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Indeed.

I don't see any fat shaming, just the OP at the end of her tether wanting to look for a solution.

Vinrouge4 · 06/12/2023 19:05

Ykn · 06/12/2023 17:31

Yet another fat shaming thread but then of course MN is full of slim and perfect women...

Don't be ridiculous. The OP has said herself that she is overweight. The relative is overweight to the extent that it is causing a real dilemma for the OP. It isn't fat shaming - she is asking for help in dealing with the situation.

Naptrappedmummy · 06/12/2023 19:05

Can you reinforce part of the sofa by putting some kind of block under it? And encourage them to sit there? Awkward and easier said than done I know…

ZekeZeke · 06/12/2023 19:05

My MIL was having accidents (urinary), so I stopped all visits to our house and we visited her.
During her last 15 years alive she didn't visit us once.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 06/12/2023 19:06

QueenofTerrasen · 06/12/2023 19:01

So if three people are sat on a sofa, 10st each and it broke, that would be considered shit wouldn't it? Because a normal sofa 3/4 seater should withstand 3/4 people, right?
If a sofa broke with a combined weight of 30st between 3 people, no one would bat an eye. So yes - it's a shit sofa.

Show quote history

Three ten stone people are spreading the weight over a wide area. One 30 stone person is concentrating it in one area. More likely to break. It's just physics - why are people so defensive about it?

TomatoSandwiches · 06/12/2023 19:06

A baby elephant can weigh up to 20st, you wouldn't be surprised to learn your sofa was broken if you sat one on it would you.

25st is not normal either, not that anyone deserves to be shamed but denying reality is not helpful to anyone.

Op, if you have a dining chair make sure they have that available when they pop round, if they question it say unfortunately the slats are broken on the sofa, don't point fingers but that should be enough for them to understand.

21ZIGGY · 06/12/2023 19:06

@ThisHouseWillBeTheDeathOfMe whatever she does dont tell the person theyre too fat to visit her.

BungleandGeorge · 06/12/2023 19:07

I agree it must be poorly made. The force from one larger person surely isn’t n greater than kids jumping on the sofa, four people squishing up to sit down or a couple bonking?! All those are pretty standard

LaurieStrode · 06/12/2023 19:07

Interesting dilemma.

How close does this person live and how often do they drop in? What is their age?

Short of exchanging your sofa for a wooden church pew, it's difficult to.

Id have DH say he's making lifestyle changes & giving up gaming. Every time relative shows up, DH should say "ah, you caught me just as I was going out to get my steps in! Come on, let's go!"

Maybe the prospect of a good long walk every time will cut down his visits.

Also keep baskets of laundry handy; dump onto sofa when he arrives. "Sorry, need to sort & fold this. Why don't you two chat in the garden..."

uncomfortablydumb53 · 06/12/2023 19:08

It might not actually be his weight as such, but the way he sits down.
If he flops into the seat that would put stress on it
I'm 9 stone and have broken a bed( slat) this way
I've no idea how to raise it sensitivity though

Pinkelephant66 · 06/12/2023 19:08

25stone… nearly 160kg. I’m sorry but people saying it’s ’not unusual these days’ cannot be true. That’s just a ridiculous size. Not far off a 6 month old calf to put it into perspective…

curaçao · 06/12/2023 19:13

Surely a sofa is designed fir multiple people to sit on ? I have just googke and a well known sofa manufactuter days 340 kg!

BMW6 · 06/12/2023 19:15

I'm very overweight.

I wouldn't have him in my house again unless I can get a chair that he can't break and he sits on that.

I'd tell him why too. He's fat. He knows he's fat. I'll bet he also knows he's broken your chairs.

I bet he weighs a lot more than you think.

It is what it is and it's past time people stopped tiptoeing around this.

21ZIGGY · 06/12/2023 19:15

@Pinkelephant66 whats it like to be perfect?

Myfabby · 06/12/2023 19:16

TheShellBeach · 06/12/2023 17:19

Oh goody.
Another fat-shaming thread.
Hmm

how is this fat- shaming?

@NeverDropYourMooncup where is the pile on?

RampantIvy · 06/12/2023 19:16

Surely a sofa is designed fir multiple people to sit on

Yes, in the expectation that people lower themselves down slowly.
I have a couple of overweight family members who don't just sit down, they throw themselves down into their seat. Sofas aren't made for this.

fulawitt · 06/12/2023 19:19

This is a nasty relative. Nothing good will come out of a discussion. I would suck it up but only have them in the summer on an old style iron bench in the garden. With a smile and a fresh drink. If they dare ask why they cannot come they will have it coming. I would also upgrade the sofa. Those things do not come cheap they should be able to bear the weight of the Titanic.

Myfabby · 06/12/2023 19:20

curaçao · 06/12/2023 19:13

Surely a sofa is designed fir multiple people to sit on ? I have just googke and a well known sofa manufactuter days 340 kg!

There's weight and there's balance. same reason why planes ask you to not move seats until after taking off even if the plane is half empty and below max weight.

fulawitt · 06/12/2023 19:21

I don't think it's impossible, slim people break sofas all the time.

ChateauDuMont · 06/12/2023 19:21

This reply has been deleted

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I love you! 😂

StarlightLime · 06/12/2023 19:21

21ZIGGY · 06/12/2023 19:15

@Pinkelephant66 whats it like to be perfect?

Not being 25 stone is considered being perfect? Seriously?

Emotionalsupportviper · 06/12/2023 19:23

WhichIsItWendy · 06/12/2023 17:10

I'm not trying to be unkind but just because a piece of furniture doesn't withstand 21 stone being regularly sat on it, doesn't make it shit. That's a lot of weight, possibly slammed down when sitting, going onto a wooden structure.

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That's a lot of weight, possibly slammed down when sitting, going onto a wooden structure.

This.

Very heavy people tend to plonk themselves down because they aren't able to control their descent past a certain point, and most don't try!

It was the first thing that came to my mind - that the weight would be landing particularly heavily and with some force.