Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

What would you do if an overweight relative kept breaking your furniture?

346 replies

AlittleBitOfApple · 06/12/2023 16:59

My partner has a very overweight family member, I am not being mean. I would say they are most definitely in excess of 20+stone, potentially over 25. This is the second time they have broken a piece of furniture.
The furniture is brand new and we paid for insurance on it which doesn't have an excess and unlimited claims for 5 years. So at least it won't cost us anything to get it fixed.
I am going to have call the furniture company on Monday and ask them to come out and look at our sofa because its clearly broken. You can feel it when you sit on it/its creaking and its the bit they always sit on when they come to visit. Its a 2k sofa so not a cheap one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable having them in my house because I am worried about things getting damaged. How on earth do you broach with someone that they are breaking your things with their weight? They are very defensive about it and I know if we said something it would affect the relationship my DP has with them. Equally I think they would try and deny it and say their sofa is fine etc. Both times it has happened we didn't notice until after they had gone. For example with the sofa, we don't often sit on the bit that I today have noticed is broken, however it is where they sit when ever they come over.

It's just a really awkward situation.

OP posts:
21ZIGGY · 06/12/2023 19:23

@StarlightLime where did i say that? But yes sitting in judgement of others she must be perfect

indianwoman · 06/12/2023 19:24

stepintochristmas1 · 06/12/2023 17:05

I remember a thread exactly like this maybe five years ago , didn't go well .

Me too

Emotionalsupportviper · 06/12/2023 19:25

forgivingfiggy · 06/12/2023 17:17

There is an uncomfortable undertone to this thread.

Why?

Because the practical, everyday problems caused by obesity are being addressed? They don't go away just because you ignore them.

Lilacanemone · 06/12/2023 19:25

Snorkmaidenn · 06/12/2023 17:29

Tell him the sofa has a weight limit of 16 stone. Apologise and offer a blow up chair, floor cushion or Garden chair ?It's your home and you don't have a duty to provide seating for people of such a weight. See him at his home if this isn't an option. Hope the repair goes well.

I don’t think a blow up chair is a good idea for that weight. Nor a floor cushion as they might find it difficult to get up. A sturdy garden chair, maybe.
There is no way around the awkward conversation or continually broken furniture, unless you replace your couch with a reinforced one or find space for an armchair just for them.

YuleDragon · 06/12/2023 19:26

Emotionalsupportviper · 06/12/2023 19:23

That's a lot of weight, possibly slammed down when sitting, going onto a wooden structure.

This.

Very heavy people tend to plonk themselves down because they aren't able to control their descent past a certain point, and most don't try!

It was the first thing that came to my mind - that the weight would be landing particularly heavily and with some force.

oh dont be ridiculous. We are carrying around this weight every day.. most of us have more strength in our legs than your average person has in their whole body.

I can still lift my 6ft, 17yo 10st teenager without batting an eyelid... of course i can control how gently i sit on a sofa.

If people are plonking into other peoples furniture is lack of manners, not lack of muscle control.

Tacotortoise · 06/12/2023 19:27

Well if you don't want him to keep breaking your stuff and you're not able to offer him something he can sit on, then you are going to have to stop letting him in, aren't you? What are you expecting people to suggest?

ThisHouseWillBeTheDeathOfMe · 06/12/2023 19:27

If it were a bike, a £2k bike OP had bought for herself, been using daily, her husband family used it, and "Daniel" , heavily overweight, rode it and bent the frame, you would hope Daniel would have the decency to replace the item he'd just broken.

But Daniel doesn't. OP is down £2k, because of Daniel. She buys a second, different bike (I haven't imagined this have I, this is the second time the relative broke the furniture?) and uses it daily, as does her husband and family. Daniel comes round again, gets on it, and bends the second bike frame.

But Daniel can't be accountable for breaking two of OPs items of property because it's down to his weight. Instead, OP should contact various manufacturers requesting refunds, or just suck up the £4k of items Daniel's broken and buy more, for Daniel to break.

Wtf.

The common denominator here is Daniel. The person who broke the property is Daniel. It is not fat shaming, it's fact. One person, breaking two sofas is not coincidence. What the hell is he doing? Bombing onto it like a child at the swimming pool?

My DH is very tall. Our old bed had a footboard. His feet would push against it, and then one day it came off. It's ridiculous to say it's "height shaming" when the simple fact is that his height, broke the bed. The bed was good quality, and suitable for 99% of the population who aren't of an extreme/unusual size.

Difference is, DH was the first to say "FFS, I've pinged the end clean off the bed."

He's tall. The relative is significantly overweight. Both of these things resulted in broken furniture.

Avacardo2023 · 06/12/2023 19:27

I weigh 8.5 stone so if there were two more of me on my lap at one end of any sofa then I would expect it to break, especially if I put all that weight on one sofa arm to get up. Just checked the bottom of my sofa and it states a 16 stone limit for each seat.

God knows how you can say anything to the relative though, I think you will need to visit them instead and not open the door if they arrive unexpectedly.

Myfabby · 06/12/2023 19:27

21ZIGGY · 06/12/2023 19:23

@StarlightLime where did i say that? But yes sitting in judgement of others she must be perfect

I don't see judgement. It might be prickly to you as you have stated are near that weight. Maybe not nice to read, but 25stone depending on height is nearing morbidly obese.

Emotionalsupportviper · 06/12/2023 19:28

TheShellBeach · 06/12/2023 17:19

Oh goody.
Another fat-shaming thread.
Hmm

How is it "fat-shaming" to discuss a practicality?

MumblesParty · 06/12/2023 19:28

TheShellBeach · 06/12/2023 17:19

Oh goody.
Another fat-shaming thread.
Hmm

@TheShellBeach how is this goady and fat-shaming? OP is stating facts and asking how to address it tactfully.

MumblesParty · 06/12/2023 19:30

indianwoman · 06/12/2023 19:24

Me too

Was it the one about the car?

Naptrappedmummy · 06/12/2023 19:30

Actually yes to revisit my suggestion, depending on the underside of your sofa, put a load of hardback books underneath one end (so it doesn’t lower when sat on) and then have a quiet word and say that end of the sofa would be suitable for him to sit on. Cheap solution and everyone should be happy. You can just remove the books after he leaves.

YuleDragon · 06/12/2023 19:30

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 06/12/2023 19:03

Well that wouldn't happen because the weight would be distributed across the sofa, not all concentrated in the one spot, as is happening with the person in question.

if my 10st teenager sat in my lap (which he does) i'd be upset if my sofa broke...

My sofa doesn't break, btw, even with my 20st fat ass and his 10st skinny ass parked in my lap.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 06/12/2023 19:30

If this is a close relative who visits regularly, I think you need to get a suitable piece of furniture for them. You could enquire with your sofa company about re-enforcing that one (if they are repairing it rather than replacing) or whether they have a suitable piece in the style you like. Otherwise, you will just find yourself in the same situation again and you shouldn't have to get your sofa replaced/repaired indefinitely and I doubt your relative in law would pay for this more than once either.

ChateauDuMont · 06/12/2023 19:30

A Small Car Engine such as a 4-Cylinder or 5-Cylinder engine, typically weighs between 300 and 350 pounds.

Would you be happy having that plonked on your sofa? I think not.

YouAreBeingUnbearable · 06/12/2023 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BMW6 · 06/12/2023 19:31

21ZIGGY · 06/12/2023 19:23

@StarlightLime where did i say that? But yes sitting in judgement of others she must be perfect

Perfectly reasonable to judge someone breaking your things!

WoolyMammoth55 · 06/12/2023 19:31

ZekeZeke · 06/12/2023 19:05

My MIL was having accidents (urinary), so I stopped all visits to our house and we visited her.
During her last 15 years alive she didn't visit us once.

Oof some of these are hard to read. You barred your MIL from visiting her child and grandchildren for 15 years because she was elderly and incontinent? Why could you not have bought her some incontinence pads?

I can only hope justice is served and your future DIL bars you from her house too one day.

A lot of very loved members of my family died young and I'd give anything to have them come over for a visit, regardless of the furniture!

Some people care more about things than people I guess? So weird.

Emotionalsupportviper · 06/12/2023 19:31

NeverDropYourMooncup · 06/12/2023 17:21

I'd claim on the insurance.

One thing I wouldn't do is start thread on mumsnet for everybody to pile on about how awful the person is.

No-ons has called the relative "awful".

They are, however, fat. This may or may not be within their control - whether it's bad diet or a medical condition doesn't make any difference in practical terms. Whatever the cause of their weight, it's causing difficulties.

Tribblesarelovely · 06/12/2023 19:32

forgivingfiggy · 06/12/2023 17:17

There is an uncomfortable undertone to this thread.

In what way ?

21ZIGGY · 06/12/2023 19:32

@Myfabby

Given that you inexplicably missed the judgement, here it is:
That’s just a ridiculous size. Not far off a 6 month old calf to put it into perspective…

Nowherenew · 06/12/2023 19:33

You can’t actually prove it was them.

You say yourself that you rarely sit in that spot and so you can’t know for definite if it was them (even if it’s very likely) and so therefore I wouldn’t say anything.

But I would just meet them at theirs or elsewhere in future.

CommonOrNot · 06/12/2023 19:33

fedupandstuck · 06/12/2023 17:26

It's shaming them because the answer is obvious. See them outside of your home, if their visits are making you uncomfortable. No need for inviting analysis of how obese people flop around and don't take care of other people's furniture.

“Fat shaming” boohoo. Someone should be ashamed if they’re that fat they’re snapping sofas.

WetBandits · 06/12/2023 19:33

DP and I probably weigh more than that combined so how come we don’t break our sofa when we cuddle up on it? 🤔