Mum is overweight but dad and kids aren't

[ChocolateHippo]

Just musing over this. What do you think when you come across a family where the mum is overweight but the dad and kids aren't?

The family in question are relatively well-off, the dad does several sports (cycling, training for various events) and the kids each do several out-of-school activities a week. The dad and kids are very fit and active. I know the mum used to do some hobbies/sports pre-DC.

Just curious to know whether other people tend to think the same thing that I do in this scenario.

I dint know what you think but I can tell you why it’s like that in my family.
i have two extremely sporty children. A DH that has always done if lot of physical work/activity.
And I’m chronically ill which has completely messed up my metabolism.

What it is NOT about diet (mine is even healthier than the dcs or DH). It’s not even about ‘exercise’.

Other reasons it could happen include thyroid issues, hormone imbalances (PCOS fur example) etc….

Based on what you have said - that Mam needs more time to herself.

Agreed. I can't get over how I was met with such sympathy when I had anorexia and was under eating, but the opposite is met with such judgement. Two sides of the same coin to me.

This is my family I've 4 children and I'm big (atm) I've been put on a epileptic medication and gained 5 stone!! Before this medication I was slim.
I really wouldn't judge anybody as you don't know the reasons behind these things.

But you can notice like that lady seems much larger than the rest of the family. I always notice these things - my parents were very into keeping 'thin'.

But then you can also consider that you don't know why and its not your business unless she tells you. You can also consider its not the most important thing about her. This is the difference between some of the posts and others.

What Do you think op? We are that family. I’m in desperate straits with my weight. Family are all healthy. Middle class.

The op was quite clear that it isn’t just a case of slim genetics but that the dad carves out cycling and training for himself, the kids need ferrying aro7bd and the mother no longer does the hobbies she used to do. In these specific circumstances of course I would think the poor woman is frazzled and doesn’t have any time to herself and be thinking her husband is a selfish arse

Like I said, it's about trends. And this is one I've increasingly been noticing lately. Like people have said, there could be other reasons as well.

I would think mum is knocking herself out supporting the family and is the only one of them who does not have time to look after her health, or have hobbies.

In my case it's because I have PCOS and unless I keep an incredibly tight rein on my carb intake I am fat. I can lose weight but it means literally cutting out all forms of carbs except green veg, even fruit and I find it such hard work and so restrictive that I fail.

If I noticed and it’s a big IF. I would mind my own business and carry on with my day

I wouldn't really think about it. I would assume she'd put weight on through pregnancy and just getting older, like most women do. I'm a size 12 and I used to be an 8. I also have saggy boobs. I don't give a shit. It's from going through two pregnancies.

From a few family's I know, the mum is busy on the weekend catching up with all the housework cleaning washing shopping and school stuff the dad takes the kids out for a bike ride to "give them mum a break" while she cooks Sunday lunch....

Or dad is out cycling all day leaving mum with kids and no time for the gym

Underactive thyroid
PCOS
Lipoedema
Lymphoedema
Cancer survivor
Trauma survivor

I wouldn't bloody judge.

@packatape fwiw when people are stressed, a lot if them actually stop eating because they never feel hungry.

Have you seen many mothers who are stick thin because if the mental load? No? So why do you think that’s the reason why some mothers are overweight?
And why do yu automatically assume it’s about them over eating rather than other much more obvious causes such health?

Because if those women take the time and effort to cook healthy dinners to their kids, they 1- have the knowledge of what healthy eating might look like 2- make the effort already. So why do you think they wouldn’t apply that to themselves??

I'm sure we all love all sorts of things. But it is undeniably easier to regulate your enjoyment of them on a good night's sleep and if you have sufficient time for self-care.

If I thought about it all (and I doubt I would) this is what I would think.

Yep, yep and yep!

I’m overweight due to having binge eating disorder. I also had two under two at one point which nearly killed me.

I genuinely wouldn’t think anything of it, not sure what there is to think

It's not patronising to say 'your bodily autonomy, career, and generally every aspect of your life, from your ability to get a full nights sleep to the time you have to spend on your own needs, was upended in your late 20s/early 30s and that's going to have some form of effect and consequences.

If men did the childbearing and caregiving we'd see it more in men.

It wouldn’t occur me to think anything about it.

It could even be because she was exposed to more plastic or that her grandmother lived on a farm:
“A 2021 study found that women’s level of obesity significantly correlated with their grandmothers’ level of exposure to DDT, even though their granddaughters were never directly exposed to the now banned-pesticide.”
https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2022/may/19/environmental-toxins-are-worsening-obesity-pandemic-say-scientists