Mum is overweight but dad and kids aren't

[ChocolateHippo]

Just musing over this. What do you think when you come across a family where the mum is overweight but the dad and kids aren't?

The family in question are relatively well-off, the dad does several sports (cycling, training for various events) and the kids each do several out-of-school activities a week. The dad and kids are very fit and active. I know the mum used to do some hobbies/sports pre-DC.

Just curious to know whether other people tend to think the same thing that I do in this scenario.

It’s my family too. @ChocolateHippo I never thought for a second that people out there might be thinking “something” about us and wondering if other people are thinking the same. It’s rather disturbing.

OP are you the mum in your scenario? Tell us what you are thinking. I can guarantee it's not what you think others are thinking. Be kind to yourself. It is so not easy to be the weight you want to be. I think 90% of us have lived experience of that.

I wouldn't particularly think about it at all but since you've asked us to, I think:

The mum may well still exercise but exercise alone doesn't tend to keep women slim, my observation is that it seems more effective on men than women

Women have more complicated stuff going on with hormones and more likely to have autoimmune diseases

Are you always such a judgemental, critical person? I can’t see why on earth this matters?

Honestly OP I doubt anyone is thinking anything of you. It wouldn’t even register with me. Do you feel you have enough time to do the exercise you used to do? Do you want to exercise more? Maybe take some more time out for yourself.

This is me. My (adult) DD's and my DH eat way more than me but i seem to gain weight really easily whereas they remain slender. Thankfully they love me exactly as i am.

Think what? That you're incredibly judgemental. Who actually cares what someone or their families look like. What a bizarre post. I certainly don't think twice when I'm on the school run seeing all shapes and sizes.

I'm like this, it's because I do everything, cook, clean, wash up, ferry kids around and help with homework. Dh can indulge himself and enjoy his hobbies plus he has a very fast metabolism - he eats a roasted camembert a day, if I did that I would be twice as large as I am.

I would think that she has been so busy do everything for everyone that she probably has no spare time to do anything for herself

On an individual level I would think nothing at all.

On a societal level, I think it indicates that unbelievable impact that pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood, have on a woman in so many ways, and the fact that men sail through this phase of their lives almost completely unscathed.

Meh don't tend to lose their routines, their free time, the time they can dedicate to their own health. They don't stop their hobbies or spend years sleep-deprived and snacking to stay awake at their desk at 3pm. They don't stop finding the time for haircuts, they don't completely overhaul their lives requiring a change of wardrobe from 'office chic' to 'church hall floor on Tuesday at 9am.

Women's lives are utterly impacted and men's aren't.

That's what I think when I see a healthy family and a woman who clearly holds them all together while neglecting some of her own needs. Sometimes for decades.

I am judgemental in some of these cases, but generally of the husband not the wife.

I don’t think I’ve ever really noticed, it’s not the type of thing I’m interested in.

I would think the mum is likely carrying the entire emotional load for that family and isn’t being given the time and opportunity to look after herself. And/or she’s dealing with a lot of stress - high cortisol = easy weight gain. That’s exactly how I ended up putting on weight. I wasn’t sitting down to meals as I didn’t have time so ended up grazing on easy to eat foods (and probably massively underestimating calories as a result). I’d also not eat for most of the day and end up really shaky and ill so I’d end up eating a load of sugary shite. Gave up my active hobbies because it was too much having to organise everyone and everything just to be able to get out of the house for an hour and then deal with the fallout when I got back.
It took a divorce and a lot of work to get out of that hole but the weight started coming off easily once I made time for myself again.

I'd mind my own business, as should you.

This was me. In my case I was depressed and comfort ate. My ex husband was very selfish with his activities so I was left on my own with the kids all the time. I had zero free time as they were pre school age and one was a terrible sleeper. The more depressed and tired I got the more I ate.

@ReallyVeryOverEverything . Nail on head. This is how I perceive it too.

It wouldn’t occur to me to spend anytime thinking about it.

I don't think anything tbh op. Now you've made me think about it I'd assume mum either emotional eats or maybe has medication that disrupts her weight but that's cos it's the same for me!

He's a feeder.

Also 🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅to everyone on this thread who claims never to have noticed anyone else in public, and certainly not had any thoughts about them whatsoever.

Give over.

Excellent post @ReallyVeryOverEverything

We’re that family.
I’m obese, 14.5 stone at 5ft 4. DD (18) is 9 stone and 5ft 6. DP is 11 stone and 5ft 9.
We eat the same meals, DH has slightly larger portions.
The difference, exercise (or lack of), wfh, my portion control and menopause. I’m also caring for my increasingly frail MIL (as is DP before anyone says so).
People judge. Being fat is sometimes seen as being ugly and lazy, if only they realised lazy is far from what I am most of the time, I hate and despise myself for it enough as it is.

It's what I realised about myself @EineReiseDurchDieZeit - I had a tummy tuck and got my shit together eventually. But now I notice it a lot - the frazzled woman who has forgotten her own needs, wants, desires, in favour of everyone elses'.