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Original poster

Mum is overweight but dad and kids aren't

398 replies

ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 12:44

Just musing over this. What do you think when you come across a family where the mum is overweight but the dad and kids aren't?

The family in question are relatively well-off, the dad does several sports (cycling, training for various events) and the kids each do several out-of-school activities a week. The dad and kids are very fit and active. I know the mum used to do some hobbies/sports pre-DC.

Just curious to know whether other people tend to think the same thing that I do in this scenario.

OP posts:
Whalewatchers · 05/12/2023 17:27

I know a family like this. It's in her genetics, her mum and Dad are on the larger side too. It's also lack of willpower in terms of diet, and the fact she can't be arsed in terms of exercise. Still, every year without fail she'll say she's had enough of being big and it's going to change... You learn to just nod along.

Smellslikesummer · 05/12/2023 17:31

ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 13:27

Like I said, it's about trends. And this is one I've increasingly been noticing lately. Like people have said, there could be other reasons as well.

Show quote history

So when you see an overweight dad and slim/healthy mum/kids do you think he is working all hours to provide them with a nice life?

FWIW our family is overweight DH and slim DC and me and it is all due to genetics. DH exercises, I don’t, and he eats slightly healthily than I do.

Speedweed · 05/12/2023 17:40

I'd think, there's the person who is carrying all the emotional load of that family, all the stress so much so that it's showing up in her body.

Given what we know now about stress and weight gain, I'd assume that's why she's overweight.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Weight management
SabihaN · 05/12/2023 17:43

I think OP is being really judgemental just by putting it up here, regardless of their actual thoughts on the situation. Fat shaming someone, even anonymously, is not on.

Who knows what the mum has gone through, stress, tumour, surgeries, health conditions either causing weight gain or being unable to exercise, lack of time, resources, mental load to take on yet another thing.

Why does OP think they are okay to go around judging someone on social media?

willWillSmithsmith · 05/12/2023 17:45

I never think about it but I did used to vaguely know a family like that when my kids were at school. I think the mum had been overweight before she had children so I wouldn’t say it was all down to having children but I do agree that in most (not all) cases the mum carries the load and her life changes significantly (been there, done that).

I really don’t like judging though, especially people I know very little or nothing about.

Moonshine5 · 05/12/2023 17:45

OP you sound judgemental.
Get a hobby and maybe try to be kinder to people.

FatMumSlimDad · 05/12/2023 17:46

CommonOrNot · 05/12/2023 16:54

Probably going to get roasted to a crisp for this but I generally think that the man probably cheats and they’re together because they have been for a long time so it’s routine.

Only on Mumsnet do you see crap like this.

My husband is 6'4 and slim.

I'm 5'3 and a size 14 with wide hips and G cup boobs.

My husband can't get enough of my body. It's been a size 10 and a size 18 over the last 20 years we've been together and he's always been more than complimentary and fancies me. He prefers me on the bigger side but never stops me losing weight when I want to.

Of my friends whose husbands have been unfaithful all are slimmer/fitter than me. What they have in common is that their husbands are pricks.

ApolloandDaphne · 05/12/2023 17:47

This thread is making me feel really sad. Why does there need to be something fundamentally wrong in a family if a woman is overweight? We are such a sizeist society. People can be unhappy/cheated on/carrying the mental load and also be very slim. Weight is not indicator of any of these things.

There is a difference between judging (which is what we all do and is a way to gauge how we approach the world) and being judgemental (which is what is happening on this thread and is deeply unpleasant). It is the season of goodwill, can't we just let people be?

hotpotlover · 05/12/2023 17:47

That's exactly our family 😂

I put it down to having a 3 year old, a 21 month old and currently heavily pregnant with no 3.

allmyliesaretrue · 05/12/2023 17:50

It wouldn't even cross my mind to think anything about it!!

Keep your judgemental beak out!

DysmalRadius · 05/12/2023 17:55

Because if those women take the time and effort to cook healthy dinners to their kids, they 1- have the knowledge of what healthy eating might look like 2- make the effort already. So why do you think they wouldn’t apply that to themselves??

🤣🤣🤣 If I ate like my (perfectly healthy weight, but pretty unadventurous in culinary terms!) kids, as a middle aged woman approaching menopause, I'd be morbidity obese and thoroughly depressed at the lack of variety!!

Howbizzare22 · 05/12/2023 17:55

I would think it’s none of my god damn business. Spend your mental energy somewhere useful instead of trying to fat shame under the guise of just “musing”

Howbizzare22 · 05/12/2023 17:58

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Headshoulderscheeseontoast · 05/12/2023 17:59

It could simply be that the mother loves food and hates exercise me

tinytemper66 · 05/12/2023 18:01

What the F has it got to do with you?

Alohapotato · 05/12/2023 18:03

ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 12:44

Just musing over this. What do you think when you come across a family where the mum is overweight but the dad and kids aren't?

The family in question are relatively well-off, the dad does several sports (cycling, training for various events) and the kids each do several out-of-school activities a week. The dad and kids are very fit and active. I know the mum used to do some hobbies/sports pre-DC.

Just curious to know whether other people tend to think the same thing that I do in this scenario.

I think it's very common in England, I see lot of families where only mum is overweight , my theory is 1. midwives don't check the weight of the pregnant woman as they do in France or Spain where doctors they don't allow women to gain more than 10 kilos..
2.because of childcare being so expensive lot of mums don't go back to work, stay longer at home doing chores and childcare, eat more and move less..
3.Usually men have hobbies outside home, women inside like crafting, gardening , reading etc.. those hobbies (except gardening) does not require people to move much..

Hayliebells · 05/12/2023 18:05

ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 15:01

Can I ask any of those who have contributed another question as well?

How much time for hobbies or self-care (i.e. when you're not working, sleeping (though I suppose lie-ins count!), caring for children or doing chores) do you get a week? If you had more, what would you prioritise doing?

Approximately 5 hours a week on structured exercise. That's a yoga class a couple of evenings a week, and a couple of hours in the gym on a Saturday morning. My husband does similar. That doesn't include long rural solo dog walks, I'd class those as self care too, I do that at least once a week (in addition to family walks, so it's quite a lot of walking altogether). My husband goes to a football match for an afternoon/evening every few weeks. I have a couple of weekends away a year with girlfriends, again husband does similar. I'm fiercely protective of my time and wouldn't give it up.

payens · 05/12/2023 18:07

I wouldn't think anything, it's no ones business

telestrations · 05/12/2023 18:10

That's it's none of my business

She may have always been larger or put weight on having the children and that it's really hard to lose it once it's on, partically for women, and that it's more important that she and her family are happy and healthy then she looks "perfect".

But mostly that it's none of my business

Hayliebells · 05/12/2023 18:11

I wouldn't have actually thought about it, but now you've explained your thought process, I agree it seems like a likely scenario. I think it's rare to get enough rest and physical activity, but be overweight. Not impossible, but rare. Those people I know who are overweight don't have the time or circumstances that make fitting activity in easy. If the husband is actually buff, and not just scrawny, and the wife used to be active, I'd say there likely is an imbalance in the relationship.

GMsAWinner · 05/12/2023 18:12

Personally, I couldn't give a toss as long as the family are happy and the Mum is healthy. Looking at it deeper, I'd be concerned Mum has a health related issue that causes extra weight, or relationship is causing her to be unhappy and for that reason she eats more.

If it's because she eats more due to no willpower, exercises less, that's her choice. Just because she's busy shouldn't impact on this, she can still eat the same as other members of the family (you'd assume at least two meals in the day are similar and everyone can have similar snacks). If the rest of the family are active, she can either take part in that or chose not to.

Whalewatchers · 05/12/2023 18:14

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Just telling it how it is.

I like large sea mammals and go spotting.

Crumpleton · 05/12/2023 18:17

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 12:59

On an individual level I would think nothing at all.

On a societal level, I think it indicates that unbelievable impact that pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood, have on a woman in so many ways, and the fact that men sail through this phase of their lives almost completely unscathed.

Meh don't tend to lose their routines, their free time, the time they can dedicate to their own health. They don't stop their hobbies or spend years sleep-deprived and snacking to stay awake at their desk at 3pm. They don't stop finding the time for haircuts, they don't completely overhaul their lives requiring a change of wardrobe from 'office chic' to 'church hall floor on Tuesday at 9am.

Women's lives are utterly impacted and men's aren't.

That's what I think when I see a healthy family and a woman who clearly holds them all together while neglecting some of her own needs. Sometimes for decades.

Then for some, just as you think the kids are not so dependent on you and there's time for a bit of self care menopause comes and slaps you back down to reality.

Port1aCastis · 05/12/2023 18:31

Well I suppose said woman would be passing comment on me being severely underweight, but she doesn't know my story, she doesn't know that I have an eating disorder nor do I know anything about her. I would not start a thread about a woman's weight because none of us are perfect and none of us know anything about another woman's backstory and struggles.

makeminealargeoneagain · 05/12/2023 18:31

Maybe you shouldn't be so judgemental without knowing the details. It could be a huge variety of reasons eg menopausal and underactive thyroid makes losing weight very difficult. Live and let live and wish them well.