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Original poster

Mum is overweight but dad and kids aren't

398 replies

ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 12:44

Just musing over this. What do you think when you come across a family where the mum is overweight but the dad and kids aren't?

The family in question are relatively well-off, the dad does several sports (cycling, training for various events) and the kids each do several out-of-school activities a week. The dad and kids are very fit and active. I know the mum used to do some hobbies/sports pre-DC.

Just curious to know whether other people tend to think the same thing that I do in this scenario.

OP posts:
ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 13:05

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Well it's a thread about women and nobody mentioned male rates of suicide or heart attacks...not sure why I was supposed to!

Hagpie · 05/12/2023 13:06

I’d probably think the mental load of the family is all on her and she is put last in her family…. If I thought anything about it at all.

The fact that dad has so many time-consuming hobbies makes me even more suspicious that this is the case.

packatape · 05/12/2023 13:06

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Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Weight management
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 05/12/2023 13:06

I'm very overweight myself and have had comments so I know what it's like to be on the receiving end

Holly60 · 05/12/2023 13:07

If you're asking why she carries more weight than the rest of her family, it's because she has consumed more calories than she has burned, whilst they haven't (evidently).

If you're asking what the reason for this is, it's literally anyone's guess. I'd avoid judging someone when you don't know what is going on in their life.

Why on earth are you interested?

Winnipeggy · 05/12/2023 13:08

ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 12:44

Just musing over this. What do you think when you come across a family where the mum is overweight but the dad and kids aren't?

The family in question are relatively well-off, the dad does several sports (cycling, training for various events) and the kids each do several out-of-school activities a week. The dad and kids are very fit and active. I know the mum used to do some hobbies/sports pre-DC.

Just curious to know whether other people tend to think the same thing that I do in this scenario.

I know a family like this, she was my friend at school and her mum was large so it's almost certainly genetic. I don't think anything of it all, it's completely irrelevant and none of my business.

Vuurhoutjies · 05/12/2023 13:09

Have to be honest, I don't think about it a lot. But as one of those families, I can tell you that many of the posters here are right - between pregnancy, exhaustion and just generally keeping things ticking over, I don't have the time or energy to look after myself like I should. I also suffer from PCOS so getting weight off, and keeping it off, is extremely difficult for me at the best of times.

I hope no one thinks anything of it quite frankly.

EllieQ · 05/12/2023 13:09

Caffeinequeen91 · 05/12/2023 12:57

The mum is too busy facilitating the kids activities and the dad prioritises his own hobbies over family time

Yes, this is what I thought. Dad with lots of hobbies that probably take him out of the house quite a bit, meaning mum has less time to herself, especially if she’s the one taking the children to their activities.

I’d also assume that genetics were in play regarding the children’s build, as this is obvious in my family - my DD has my build, not DH’s.

ApolloandDaphne · 05/12/2023 13:10

ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 13:00

I am judgemental in some of these cases, but generally of the husband not the wife.

I cannot imagine for one second why anyone would judge my DH because i am a chubster. I mean why? It's not his fault he can chomp through a large chocolate bar and a family bag of crisps and not gain an ounce. It is genetic. TBH he would tell you its actually very unhealthy to have his metabolism as he doesn't really think about what he eats, he just shoves it in. I am much more attentive to what i eat in terms of nutrition.

TomatoSandwiches · 05/12/2023 13:11

@packatape Women are more likely to suffer from fatal heart attacks than men due the medical bias.

packatape · 05/12/2023 13:11

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whatfreshheck · 05/12/2023 13:11

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 12:59

On an individual level I would think nothing at all.

On a societal level, I think it indicates that unbelievable impact that pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood, have on a woman in so many ways, and the fact that men sail through this phase of their lives almost completely unscathed.

Meh don't tend to lose their routines, their free time, the time they can dedicate to their own health. They don't stop their hobbies or spend years sleep-deprived and snacking to stay awake at their desk at 3pm. They don't stop finding the time for haircuts, they don't completely overhaul their lives requiring a change of wardrobe from 'office chic' to 'church hall floor on Tuesday at 9am.

Women's lives are utterly impacted and men's aren't.

That's what I think when I see a healthy family and a woman who clearly holds them all together while neglecting some of her own needs. Sometimes for decades.

Exactly this. Well said xxx

whatfreshheck · 05/12/2023 13:12

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I will prove you wrong on that. I eat far too much junk food and don't exercise enough.

Allaboutthepeople · 05/12/2023 13:13

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 13:02

Also 🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅to everyone on this thread who claims never to have noticed anyone else in public, and certainly not had any thoughts about them whatsoever.

Give over.

Have people said that?

Or are they just saying they wouldn’t really think about this. It’s not that unusual for the mother to be bigger than the rest of the family, so unlikely to really be drawing much attention from people.

TellerTuesday · 05/12/2023 13:13

That the DH is a feeder?

ApolloandDaphne · 05/12/2023 13:13

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Me actually!!! I do try and moderate but yes, i love wine, chocolate and crisps and hate exercise.

allhellcantstopusnow · 05/12/2023 13:13

It wouldn't register, and if in some parallel universe it did, it would be none of my business.

Maybe get a hobby instead of musing about women's bodies in comparison to their family's?

packatape · 05/12/2023 13:14

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packatape · 05/12/2023 13:14

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SparklingSparkle · 05/12/2023 13:14

Trying to imagine an occasion where I would think about this or care. No I can't.
Of all the strange threads, judgemental threads and downright stealthily unpleasant threads this is definitely up there.

cherryscola · 05/12/2023 13:14

@packatape you're wrong about the suicide stat.

Women attempt it at higher rates than men - men are more successful for want of a better word because of the methods they choose.

Beautiful3 · 05/12/2023 13:15

I'd think that mum is stressed and tired. Using biscuits and treats to give them energy, after many sleepless nights.

spriots · 05/12/2023 13:15

I think something else that goes on is that (this is obviously a generalisation, am not trying to say this is true 100% of the time), men are more likely to find things like playing football together or training together a bonding thing whereas women are more likely to go out for coffee and cake or wine etc

My DH and I get pretty equal amounts of free time but I spend more of mine drinking wine with my friends and he spends more of his training for what cycling thing he is doing next, it's absolutely my choice...

(I do also do some exercise)

SallyWD · 05/12/2023 13:15

I don't think anything. More than 50% of adults in the UK are overweight so I barely even notice anymore.

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 13:15

@Allaboutthepeople it's more the faux 'judge? Me?? I have NEVER' type comments.

We all do it, we're all human. If we didn't about half of the threads on MN wouldn't exist.