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Original poster

Mum is overweight but dad and kids aren't

398 replies

ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 12:44

Just musing over this. What do you think when you come across a family where the mum is overweight but the dad and kids aren't?

The family in question are relatively well-off, the dad does several sports (cycling, training for various events) and the kids each do several out-of-school activities a week. The dad and kids are very fit and active. I know the mum used to do some hobbies/sports pre-DC.

Just curious to know whether other people tend to think the same thing that I do in this scenario.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 05/12/2023 13:16

Non overweight person (to the naked eye, I have a tummy!) . I’d say the kids are young enough that the energy they use up running about prevents them being overweight, the dad is healthy/lucky/ working where he has no access to snacks and the mum is run off her feet, has no time to exercise and eats whatever she needs to get through the day (my case😅😅)

packatape · 05/12/2023 13:16

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bloodyhellKen22 · 05/12/2023 13:16

I think some people are just naturally slim! My DH for one. Eats crap, does no exercise but is so slim! I on the other hand, have to watch everything I eat and mainly eat no more than 1000 cals a day and I'm still struggling to lose the stone I gained during pregnancy.
I think some people have it easy when it comes to weight and others shouldn't make assumptions.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Weight management
Sportycustard · 05/12/2023 13:17

I would be the mum in this family. I'd hope you would consider the three autoimmune conditions I have and the steroids I frequently have to take which make it really hard to lose weight. I'd also hope that you would take into account the amazing job I have just landed compete with 35% pay rise, despite being in my early 50s, the mentoring I do with disaffected teenagers and the fact that I recently raised £3,000 for charities in my area. In short my size is one small part of the person that is me and you have no idea what's going on in anyone else's life.

I suspect, however, that you are superficial, judgemental and are only interested in the clothes size I wear. In which case do fuck off.

packatape · 05/12/2023 13:18

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Historybooks · 05/12/2023 13:18

I think I don't know. Maybe she has a hormone imbalance, perhaps she doesn't or can't exercise as much, maybe she has a chocolate addiction, if she's shorter she eats the same but gains weight, maybe she has extra helpings or eats donuts at work. Maybe she sleep less, this slows matabolism. Who knows. Many reasons. My whole family don't eat and exercise exactly the same, or have the same metabolism.

cherryscola · 05/12/2023 13:18

@packatape would be silly to not recognize that women generally take on most of the load when it comes to children.

That doesn't mean men never suffer in life ever.

packatape · 05/12/2023 13:19

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Original poster
ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 13:19

@Sportycustard . I would think you were amazing if I knew you. I'd just hope that you were getting sufficient time for self-care, in whatever form that would take for you personally.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/12/2023 13:20

It's harder to pick an 18 stone woman by the throat than it is an eight stone one.

Just saying.

Purely coincidentally, I went from 8 stone to 18.

packatape · 05/12/2023 13:20

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Pigeonqueen · 05/12/2023 13:21

I’d wonder if they had serious health issues like me. A long list of complex health issues meaning a lot of steroids and inability to exercise means I’ve piled the weight on. I used to be horribly judgmental about weight - I was always a tall, willowy size 8-10 for most of my adult life, then came the health issues and here we are. Plus one of the only pleasures I now get in life is eating chocolate. 🤷‍♀️

Wednesdaysotherchild · 05/12/2023 13:21

I would assume (1) whilst they likely eat the same or similar diet she is genetically and epigenetically different to her DP and kids; (2) she has presumably had the bodily upheaval of pregnancy; (2) she may have a medical condition such as under-active thyroid (v.common and undertreated by the NHS), PCOS, be taking steroids for a health condition or a million other reasons. But above all, I wouldn’t judge because only a-holes judge people on weight without having a professional intrest and full medical history (and even then care should be compassion led).

LimeOrangeLemon · 05/12/2023 13:21

Honestly OP this wouldn't be true in my case. I have as much or more spare time as DH. But DH is naturally slim whereas I've always struggled with my weight. And on a more general level, the obesity stats are pretty similar for men and women I think.

user1471554720 · 05/12/2023 13:22

Maybe she is too busy working full tine and running after them all to find time to exercise.

I have to fight for my time to exercise.

It seems the Dad and dcs are well able to attend THEIR sports and look after themselves. Who looks after mum????

WrongSwanson · 05/12/2023 13:22

I was this mum for a chunk of this year. It was because I was prescribed heavy steroids. DH was amazing and doing all the housework as I was too ill. So your assumptions would have been way out

Runnerduck34 · 05/12/2023 13:22

Caffeinequeen91 · 05/12/2023 12:57

The mum is too busy facilitating the kids activities and the dad prioritises his own hobbies over family time

^ this imo is a probable reason.
Also they may just prefer Netflix and chocolate!
But I'm sure I've read several times that
Single men die earlier than married men.
Married women die earlier than single women
Being married with kids is better for men's health than women's.
We tend to put our needs last in a way men simply don't.
Example DD wants to do an activity I change my week to facilitate. DH won't.

Original poster
ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 13:22

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For everyone saying I'm being judgemental, I think this, well... takes the biscuit.

Perhaps look at the well-documented link between stress and overeating.

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 05/12/2023 13:23

Thinking and pondering about everyone you meet isn't the same as judging them. I don't live in a bubble and can wonder about other people's lives as well as my own life.

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 13:23

But @packatape we are talking about women, and I was specifically talking about the impact of the younger child raising years on women.

I don't think 'but men kill themselves' adds much to this discussion really.

GerbilsForever24 · 05/12/2023 13:24

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No, but I would say that the exhaustion I suffered for years and years and years definitely played a huge role in me eating less healthily, drinking more, and exercising less.

every time I see a SM post or an article that talks about the importance of sleep to overall health, I want to scream "great, thanks for that. But you try having two shitty pregnancies and babies who didn't sleep and then entering peri menopause, all while being self employed AND the main breadwinner with all the stress that comes with that. So no, I didn't sleep for 10 years and yes, I am absolutely still feeling the affects and thanks for letting me know that I'll probably die young as a result".

And now that I do sleep better, it's still not consistent. And you know what I'm finding the MOST annoying? The fact that now, on a night where I don't get a great night's sleep, I'm practically completely nonfunctional the next day. I might have been constantly slightly tired, relied too heavily on sugar and caffeine and carbs to get through the day, but at least I did. Now, on a day like today where I slept for just 5.5 hours last night, I'm walking around like a zombie.

But hey, good news, I'm not actually eating anything extra today so that's a win I guess? Go me.

Original poster
ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 13:24

megletthesecond · 05/12/2023 13:23

Thinking and pondering about everyone you meet isn't the same as judging them. I don't live in a bubble and can wonder about other people's lives as well as my own life.

This. I am not judging anybody. But surely everyone notices trends and some people wonder about them.

OP posts:
NovemberAutumn · 05/12/2023 13:24

Well that is me. DH has a long and thin body type. DS2 is long and thin. DS1 is short and very thin. I am short and fat. (My parents say things like; 'Isn't it great the DCs take after DH and not you?' and call me a 'hobbit'. Neither of these things make me happy. )

Why am I fat? I have binge eating disorder. I have been fat shamed all my life and now binge eat in secret. I also have a degenrative spinal condition and arthritis in my hips and my shoulders.

If someone judged me for any of that they can fuck right off.

WrongSwanson · 05/12/2023 13:24

Wednesdaysotherchild · 05/12/2023 13:21

I would assume (1) whilst they likely eat the same or similar diet she is genetically and epigenetically different to her DP and kids; (2) she has presumably had the bodily upheaval of pregnancy; (2) she may have a medical condition such as under-active thyroid (v.common and undertreated by the NHS), PCOS, be taking steroids for a health condition or a million other reasons. But above all, I wouldn’t judge because only a-holes judge people on weight without having a professional intrest and full medical history (and even then care should be compassion led).

Yes we have a FB page for people with my condition and pre diagnosis people are slim and fit, post diagnosis (and with heavy steroids) many are unrecognisably large. After tapering off steroids many eventually slim down again, but some are never able to come off the steroids

And my condition generally hits women in their 20s and 30,s but men don't generally get it until their 60s

TomatoSandwiches · 05/12/2023 13:24

@packatape

" The researchers conducted a further analysis in which they matched men and women according to risk factors for cardiovascular disease including hypertension, diabetes, high cholesterol and smoking. Adverse outcomes were then compared between matched men and women aged 55 years and under, and between matched men and women over 55 years old.
There were 435 patients in the matched analysis. In matched patients over 55 years of age, all adverse outcomes measured were more common in women than men. Some 11.3% of women died within 30 days compared with 3.0% of men, for an HR of 3.85. At five years, one-third of women (32.9%) had died compared with 15.8% of men (HR 2.35) and more than one-third of women (34.1%) had experienced MACE compared with 17.6% of men (HR 2.15). In matched patients aged 55 years and below, one in five women (20.0%) experienced MACE within five years compared to 5.8% of men (HR 3.91), while there were no differences between women and men in all-cause mortality at 30 days or five years. "

Match for match the results still speak for themselves.