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Original poster

Mum is overweight but dad and kids aren't

398 replies

ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 12:44

Just musing over this. What do you think when you come across a family where the mum is overweight but the dad and kids aren't?

The family in question are relatively well-off, the dad does several sports (cycling, training for various events) and the kids each do several out-of-school activities a week. The dad and kids are very fit and active. I know the mum used to do some hobbies/sports pre-DC.

Just curious to know whether other people tend to think the same thing that I do in this scenario.

OP posts:
Vinoveritass · 05/12/2023 15:53

Love how lots of posters were quick to assume you were thinking unkindly of the women in these scenarios, rather than stop and think for even a moment about the actual post. I think totally true that lots of women put themselves last with these results. Yes self care doesn't equal slim, but overweight doesn't equal true self care. There are lots of packs of men cycling around me on weekend mornings. I always think of all the mums that are probably at home with kids/at clubs/parties at the same time

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 15:53

I actually first noticed it on holiday this year @gemloving

The sheer amount of families where the woman looked overweight and uncomfortable, constantly pulling down her tshirt or hiking up her leggings, was astounding, once I had noticed it.

It's reflected in my friendship group too.

And I don't judge - I say it with empathy because I am that woman. Not as much as I was, but when my kids were young I was an exhausted mess whose idea of downtime was a large bag of salt and vinegar crisps and a sharing bag of Minstrels.

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 15:54

Sorry wrong person got tagged there @gannett

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Weight management
Quiregirl · 05/12/2023 15:54

I'd think she'd given up.

Waffle19 · 05/12/2023 15:55

Literally wouldn’t be any of my business so wouldn’t think anything about it?

Not convinced of your argument. I exercise, my DH doesn’t, he is undoubtedly skinnier than me. You can’t judge someone’s health and fitness off their looks and weight alone.

randomuser2020 · 05/12/2023 16:01

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

JANEY205 · 05/12/2023 16:04

I’m thinner than my husband as I have an autoimmune disorder, but nobody would judge him would they or assume he doesn’t get time to work out (he does he is literally a naturally bigger build and I’m a smaller build).

JANEY205 · 05/12/2023 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

I can promise you that I and many other posters have NEVER considered if a woman is larger than her husband and kids. Wouldn’t even cross my mind?! I tend to only notice if an entire family with young children is overweight but even then I assume some may be hereditary. I am teeny tiny and it’s because of health issues, I don’t look healthy!! It’s definitely no reflection on ‘self care’ or ‘downtime.’ This thread is weird and gross.

FastBlueHedgehog · 05/12/2023 16:06

Maybe her thyroid is fucked like mine - should i wear a badge to inform people wondering about my plump body that I'm medically chubby?

jannier · 05/12/2023 16:08

I've had cancer I struggle to loose weight put on through treatment partly because I was losing weight with sw when I found the lump so is loosing weight diet or cancer .. ...I'd hate you to be judging me

jannier · 05/12/2023 16:09

ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 13:00

I am judgemental in some of these cases, but generally of the husband not the wife.

Why?

AInightingale · 05/12/2023 16:10

you've got time to lose weight, you don't have much time with them [your children]

unfortunately that's not true, even more rapid weight gain take you by surprise as you enter your forties and your hormone levels start to fluctuate, so many diagnoses of Type 2 diabetes in women of this age, hypertension, mobility problems. Far better to lose weight in your child-bearing years before any of that stuff happens.

kaboomy · 05/12/2023 16:12

@ChocolateHippo @ReallyVeryOverEverything wow so you know nothing about the situation but you've decided to create a story in your head that demonises the dad? That tells us more about you than it does the family you are judging. You literally have NO idea why mum might be fat.

MooseLooseAbootThisHoos · 05/12/2023 16:12

That they're like me and my family.

I work 5 days a week and my out of work time is keeping the house running and kids to activities.

I get an hour to myself at night. (Tea and chocolate time) and my office is awful for treats being there everyday.

Also - I've had pregnancies and years of motherhood. Often women gain weight at that time of life.

randomuser2020 · 05/12/2023 16:14

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Mariposista · 05/12/2023 16:17

I’d think she doesn’t get enough exercise and eats rubbish.
as I would with any overweight person regardless of gender or. paternity.
I’d probably think also that her DH/P says that danger phrase ‘you’re fine as you are’ (which we have an agreement never to say if one of is starting to get porky).

Differentstarts · 05/12/2023 16:17

I wouldn't think anything but I'm overweight due to hypothyroidism and certain medications. Not everyone who is overweight is sitting infront of the telly all day stuffing their faces

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 16:18

kaboomy · 05/12/2023 16:12

@ChocolateHippo @ReallyVeryOverEverything wow so you know nothing about the situation but you've decided to create a story in your head that demonises the dad? That tells us more about you than it does the family you are judging. You literally have NO idea why mum might be fat.

Yeah you're right. I'm not an overweight woman nor have I ever met one, or have any female friends, family members, or colleagues, or spent many many years socialising with women just like me when my children were young.

Made it all up based on no real world experience whatsoever.

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 16:19

kaboomy · 05/12/2023 16:12

@ChocolateHippo @ReallyVeryOverEverything wow so you know nothing about the situation but you've decided to create a story in your head that demonises the dad? That tells us more about you than it does the family you are judging. You literally have NO idea why mum might be fat.

Also I barely actually mentioned the dads. My area of interest is how much pregnancy, birth and motherhood impact women.

gannett · 05/12/2023 16:19

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 16:18

Yeah you're right. I'm not an overweight woman nor have I ever met one, or have any female friends, family members, or colleagues, or spent many many years socialising with women just like me when my children were young.

Made it all up based on no real world experience whatsoever.

Show quote history

Nearly. You made it up based on extrapolating your limited real world experience to other people you've never actually met.

Lndnmummy · 05/12/2023 16:20

I'd think that mum is running around after everyone else and carrying the load, including financially for everyone. I would think the dad is a selfish wanker who has checked out emotionally and doesn't do his bit.

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 16:20

So? I'm allowed to extrapolate whatever the fuck I want from my own experiences.

You can do the same. We can differ: that's fine.

Itneverrainsitpissesitdown · 05/12/2023 16:22

This was me several years ago when my children were little.
I was severely depressed and comfort eating.

My (now ex of many years) partner was skinny.

I was a victim of DV.

gannett · 05/12/2023 16:23

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 16:20

So? I'm allowed to extrapolate whatever the fuck I want from my own experiences.

You can do the same. We can differ: that's fine.

Obviously you can be as nastily judgy as you want in your head but if you come on a public forum trying to turn it into some sort of pseudo-feminist social theory people will be free to tell you it's nonsense.

elkiedee · 05/12/2023 16:24

DP and I are overweight - the kids aren't at all. But I wasn't overweight at all until my 20s and I worry about my children having problems later. They are slightly different builds - DS2 (14) is still quite skinny, DS1 (16) is bigger and he plays football and basketball (for fun) with his friends most days, he is out and about and I think he walks more than DS2 does. DP really spoils them and himself with treats - and at the moment the boys can get away with that. He does to me as well but I wouldn't eat a giant bag of crisps all at once and am now really going to have to start being more disciplined and careful about the way I eat and getting more exercise.

I'm a diet sceptic but at 54, at my weight and height, I've learned recently that I have to make sustainable change. I also have health issues which I don't think are actually caused by my weight, and ones which are, but I'm sure COVID lockdowns, fatigue and sometimes painful feet have contributed to a situation where I was getting almost no exercise. This has become a vicious circle. I'm not getting enough exercise now but I can walk a bit further without my feet/legs really hurting than I could a year or so ago.