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Original poster

Mum is overweight but dad and kids aren't

398 replies

ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 12:44

Just musing over this. What do you think when you come across a family where the mum is overweight but the dad and kids aren't?

The family in question are relatively well-off, the dad does several sports (cycling, training for various events) and the kids each do several out-of-school activities a week. The dad and kids are very fit and active. I know the mum used to do some hobbies/sports pre-DC.

Just curious to know whether other people tend to think the same thing that I do in this scenario.

OP posts:
Ficklebricks · 05/12/2023 16:26

I wouldn't think anything because people's weights don't really register to me. I notice faces, mannerisms and things people are doing. I'm thinking back to a recent event I attended and I honestly couldn't tell you if the people sitting around me were a healthy weight or overweight. I think it's a bit creepy and weird when people notice that stuff because it means your eyes have been lingering on their bodies. I'm sure people who think that way will be appalled at the suggestion but like it or not it is very creepy to appraise someone's body by looking them up and down.

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 05/12/2023 16:29

I don't diet, I don't exercise, I wear what I want and I'm happy being me. I don't feel the need to look a certain way. People on here are so judgemental

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 16:31

I'm sorry that you can't tell the difference between being a judgy bitch and having an interesting conversation about societal trends 🤷🏻‍♀️

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Weight management
elkiedee · 05/12/2023 16:36

But I really agree that there are a lot of judgey posts here on weight. When my kids were small we really encouraged them to do a lot of physically active things, and DS1 has continued to do so. I think it's great that he's found a way to really enjoy sport without ever being a star football player (a couple of his friends are involved in sport at a much higher level). We're lucky that although we live in quite a deprived bit of London we have parks 2 minutes and 5 minutes walk away, and lots more within a long walk or a short bus journey. Lots of kids don't have all that so nearby.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/12/2023 16:39

My assumption would be that her husband is selfish, hasn't changed his life at all and she has no time for hobbies etc because she does absolutely everything.

kaboomy · 05/12/2023 16:39

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 16:20

So? I'm allowed to extrapolate whatever the fuck I want from my own experiences.

You can do the same. We can differ: that's fine.

Good grief you are an angry little petal aren't you

gannett · 05/12/2023 16:43

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 16:31

I'm sorry that you can't tell the difference between being a judgy bitch and having an interesting conversation about societal trends 🤷🏻‍♀️

My point is that it's not a societal trend. Your anecdata doesn't make it so.

loveisanopensore · 05/12/2023 16:45

I'm overweight, always have been.
My husband and 2 daughters are slim.

I walk and cycle everywhere and have a reasonable diet.

If people make assumptions that's their business.

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 16:47

Angry little petal 🤣

That patronising cringe put-down type stuff tend to work for you usually?

The thread did not ask for data, it asked what we thought.

Some of you having real trouble here.

79andnotout · 05/12/2023 16:47

I'm overweight, my partner is very slim. We have no kids, I'm mid 40s. I have plenty of time for self care, I go to the gym, I run a lot, I eat well, don't drink, I get lots of sleep. I'm still overweight. Partner does fuck all exercise. Eats what I cook him, and lots of biscuits, has the occasional beer or whisky, thin as a rake.

I would assume she is a middle aged woman carrying a bit too much weight, like a lot of us. Product of society? Genes? Hormones? Busy life? A love of cake? None of my business.

Merryhobnobs · 05/12/2023 16:48

This is us. My husband is indeed better at prioritising his health and exercise but I am better at prioritising my friendships which help my mental health. I do suffer from chronic back pain. I cook balanced meals, have a chocolate weakness, would like to lose weight but know that isn't the top priority for me right now. Life is complicated but we only get a glimpse of what goes on behind closed doors.

QuiltedHippo · 05/12/2023 16:49

ReallyVeryOverEverything · 05/12/2023 12:59

On an individual level I would think nothing at all.

On a societal level, I think it indicates that unbelievable impact that pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood, have on a woman in so many ways, and the fact that men sail through this phase of their lives almost completely unscathed.

Meh don't tend to lose their routines, their free time, the time they can dedicate to their own health. They don't stop their hobbies or spend years sleep-deprived and snacking to stay awake at their desk at 3pm. They don't stop finding the time for haircuts, they don't completely overhaul their lives requiring a change of wardrobe from 'office chic' to 'church hall floor on Tuesday at 9am.

Women's lives are utterly impacted and men's aren't.

That's what I think when I see a healthy family and a woman who clearly holds them all together while neglecting some of her own needs. Sometimes for decades.

Gosh this brought a tear to my eye (on the bus, to the car, to the nursery pick up, to have a broken night's sleep)

Original poster
ChocolateHippo · 05/12/2023 16:51

kaboomy · 05/12/2023 16:39

Good grief you are an angry little petal aren't you

Show quote history

If you can't make a worthwhile contribution to the discussion, personal insults will suffice, I suppose 🙄.

OP posts:
Ariela · 05/12/2023 16:52

This was me a few years ago. Was seriously ill for some time, hospitalised for 3 weeks and put on steroids for 6 months. Despite barely eating I'd put on 4 stone (no idea how as I was really careful to keep calories low) which took YEARS to shift (& still not all gone).

CommonOrNot · 05/12/2023 16:54

Probably going to get roasted to a crisp for this but I generally think that the man probably cheats and they’re together because they have been for a long time so it’s routine.

wronginalltherightways · 05/12/2023 16:57

I'd think the husband is getting all the 'me time' and then some that he wanted to do his sports while his wife is doing all the parenting and solo, and possibly working outside the home on top of it.

So he's getting to have a healthy, sporty lifestyle and she's too busy/tired to do anything for herself.

Snowpatrolling · 05/12/2023 16:58

I don’t think anything because it doesn’t affect me in any way shape or form and it’s none of my business.

tkwal · 05/12/2023 17:03

It doesn't matter what I'd think , unless their life choices somehow affected mine they can just carry on as they are.
Why ? What DO you think ?

Thegoodbadandugly · 05/12/2023 17:06

You sound like you have way too much time on your hands.

MrsMarzetti · 05/12/2023 17:06

I would think she has no time to do any sports/keep fit because her husband is a selfish git and only thinks of himself.

Hellenabe · 05/12/2023 17:07

Id think the woman has let herself go because she's doing it all and no time for herself.

This was me though - my ex was/is naturally super fit with a six pack, our children are lean, im quite stocky/overweight in comparison.

BungleandGeorge · 05/12/2023 17:08

I wouldn’t think anything. I’m not sure
why your
presume ‘overweight’ is ‘bad’ and a result of a bad marriage/ lack of self care/ always prioritising others. Surely could be the opposite and the result of her
and her husband loving and accepting her body as it is. Women are meant to put on weight running up to the menopause as oestrogen is stored in fat and is protective of cardiovascular disease, fractures etc. maybe you should be pitying those who feel they have to alter their natural size?

Lou670 · 05/12/2023 17:16

I wouldn't think anything at all. Why would you? Could be many medical reasons such as underactive thyroid or medication that causes weight gain. I am now thinking why you are so judgmental and interested in other peoples weight.

Kitanai · 05/12/2023 17:22

CommonOrNot · 05/12/2023 16:54

Probably going to get roasted to a crisp for this but I generally think that the man probably cheats and they’re together because they have been for a long time so it’s routine.

If you think being slim will protect you from your husband cheating, or even conversely that being overweight will mean he cheats…I have a bridge to sell you.

Did you miss every slim, beautiful, rich celebrity that got cheated on?

Controversially when I was more ignorant I would probably assume that the woman in this scenario has a medical condition or eating disorder. If it was just bad habits I’d have expected the children to pick it up and be overweight too.

I try not to assume anything these days, other people’s body shapes have nothing to do with me.

Whalewatchers · 05/12/2023 17:24

What do you think? Poor husband/wife (whoever isn't massive)?