Future sister in law won’t let me put the tree up till Sunday!!

[Yellink]

I wanted to put my Christmas tree up either yesterday or today as it would have been the easiest days for me to put it up but on Wednesday my fiancé and I were at the pub talking about Christmas decorations and she told us we shouldn’t put up the Christmas tree until Advent Sunday because that’s the tradition and that’s how they do it in their family. I told her Thursday or Friday would be easier for me but she got shirty and told me if I’m marrying into the family I must stick to their Christmas traditions. I know how their family are with their traditions but I’m annoyed they’ve got a problem with me putting it up when I want to though. I didn’t put it up yesterday because I saw her walking past the house twice in the afternoon and evening to check I haven’t put it up!

I don’t know whether to put it up today or do it on Sunday even though I’m busy to avoid the confrontation with his family! I don’t want confrontation or an atmosphere at the Christmas party next Sunday!

This must be made up or the world is a lot weirder than I thought !

Put your tree up when it suits you and your fiancé.
Make sure the blinds are up, tree fully visible, have a mulled wine in hand, bit of tinsel in your hair and remember to wave as your SIL walks past. Life is too short for such pettiness. You haven't broken or disrespected their traditions, you're just putting a tree up a few days earlier.

Exactly this, it starts with this Christmas tradition nonsense, then not having your family be too prominent at the wedding so that means sitting them in the car park, then it's no pain relief during child birth while his mum is in the room, to naming your first born child after their great uncle Arthur, even though your first born is a girl. Get out now.

What has it got to do with his mum or sister? Your DP needs to develop some backbone - he doesn’t live with them and they don’t make the traditions you follow.

There's an MN'er trying to regift a 6ft inflatable [something Christmassy] around!

No one is this much of a wet fart.

Honestly, I'd be rethinking this relationship. That sounds a bit nuclear option but what the actual F? Come on OP, you know this is crazy.

What about YOUR traditions? What about YOUR convenience?

It's just going tog et worse. Who you are allowed to invite to things, how you look after your children etc.

Take a stand now. It doesn't have to be confrontational. A simple, "I know that's how you do it but I like the tree up in early December and it works for me logistically. I promise never to decorate early in your house, only in mind <MN tinkly laugh>"

Well, stalking and slagging you off are not in the Christmas spirit at all, are they?

As for family traditions like that, it's just nonsense. If you don't stand up to them you will suffer much more in the long term, OP.

You are in for a lifetime of absolute fucking misery if you cave into these ridiculous demands.

Grow a backbone, FFS.

"My families tradition is a strict "no clothes on boxing day" rule, so Im very careful to make sure all the holly is out the house on the 23rd and burn all the candles by Christmas night. I hope you do the same as youre now part of my family"

Or "My traditions are different from yours, and I intend to mix both families traditions to reflect that"

I would have sprinted home to put it up.

I now look at this sort of thing and think "Don't marry someone with such a fucked up and controlling family, especially if he doesn't back you up even before you're married."

You feel all this angst now but when you're older you will look back and wonder why the hell you let those people control you.

I find it helpful to keep in mind those three words 'dick is abundant'.

Do you really want to shackle yourself to these Peggy Mitchell wannabes and a wet lettuce husband?

If she wants to get totally traditional about putting up a tree, it shouldn't be done until Xmas Eve. Or if you are following another tradition 12 days before Xmas.

But I think the answer in this case is do with the fuck you like - its your tree and if you give into her it will never stop!

Time for new traditions methinks and start some traditions of your own. Just do what is best for you. What exactly is she going to do? March in and tear it down?

If they're like this then the chances are there'll always be something to chat shit about.
Start as you mean to go on. Do your own thing.

My late MIL was very superstitious, I'm not, she was shocked that I walked under ladders, didn't put greenery up at Christmas and along with many other similar rituals. She started off trying to tell me off for not doing as she thought I should, this made me more determined to do exactly the opposite, eventually she gave up and stopped mentioning it.
I suggest you do exactly as you please and tell her that its tradition in your family not to impose your ideas onto someone else.

This with bells on... not to mention twinkley lights. Take a picture with both of you doing a thumbs up and post it on your Instagram and shared whatsapp group.

You said your Fiancee agrees with you.... but doesn't want to upset his mum and his sister

This is a bit worrying. She's actively trying to control you over something so stupid... what about when something important comes along. Good luck with the wedding planning!

I think you’re going to really really struggle marrying into this family.
Your fiancé hasn’t even got the balls to stand up to them and you don’t either.Trouble ahead! Big trouble.

And if she's going with Advent Sunday for her tradition, the first Sunday in Advent was last weekend!

Firstly, who the fuck lets other people tell them when they can/can't put their Christmas tree up?!

Secondly, if you are so non-confrontational (although I don't think just putting my own tree up when I want to is something I'd consider a confrontation) why isn't your fiance saying 'Er, we can do what we want, because we're adults?'

I would not want to marry into this family unless I was a) capable of sticking up for myself and b) my partner would back me up.

There's no "won't let you put the tree up here" at all.
It's not like she lives in your house and can physically stop you.
She expressed her opinion. She thinks it shouldn't go up until the 1st Advent Sunday. Fine, that's her opinion.
I'd have just said well, obviously that works for you, but I'll be putting the tree up on the day which is most convenient for me.

Fucking hell. OP I would advise you to toughen up immediately and get firm boundaries in place and stick to them or leave your partner if you can't do that. Because otherwise your life is going to be hell.

Put your foot down now. The very fact you expressed it as "won't let me" suggests you have some issues here to work through. She doesn't live with you. Your partner isn't bothered when the tree goes up. So the tree goes up when you want it to go up. She can't stop you.
If she or future MIL kick off about it afterwards, tough. Ignore them.

It sounds more about her trying to control you than tradition.

Jakers I'd be telling her that I'm an atheist and only in it for the presents

😂😂😂
This is the funniest thing I've read all week. Thank you for the belly laugh