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Original poster

Future sister in law won’t let me put the tree up till Sunday!!

506 replies

Yellink · 01/12/2023 14:23

I wanted to put my Christmas tree up either yesterday or today as it would have been the easiest days for me to put it up but on Wednesday my fiancé and I were at the pub talking about Christmas decorations and she told us we shouldn’t put up the Christmas tree until Advent Sunday because that’s the tradition and that’s how they do it in their family. I told her Thursday or Friday would be easier for me but she got shirty and told me if I’m marrying into the family I must stick to their Christmas traditions. I know how their family are with their traditions but I’m annoyed they’ve got a problem with me putting it up when I want to though. I didn’t put it up yesterday because I saw her walking past the house twice in the afternoon and evening to check I haven’t put it up!

I don’t know whether to put it up today or do it on Sunday even though I’m busy to avoid the confrontation with his family! I don’t want confrontation or an atmosphere at the Christmas party next Sunday!

OP posts:
SecondUsername4me · 01/12/2023 15:10

My fiancé isn’t bothered when it goes up but thinks we should wait till Sunday because of his mum and sister

God help you if you marry him and have kids with him. Sounds like he is one of those who defaults to Mum over wife.

boscabosco · 01/12/2023 15:10

Redcrayons · 01/12/2023 15:05

I would have sprinted home to put it up.

and to stick every available christmas light I had on the outside of the house, even get one of those Santa dinosaurs that are all the rage.

NonPlayerCharacter · 01/12/2023 15:11

Yellink · 01/12/2023 14:53

@Strugglingtodomybest I know what she’s like. She’ll make digs about it saying I’m not interested in being part of the family and his mum will condescendingly but “politely” tell me what we do I’m this family and then slag me off afterwards.

@piperpheobepruepaige No

So let her. Who cares? It's your tree in your house.

If you let other people dictate when you can put up your own bloody Christmas decorations then you frankly deserve whatever you get.

Interested in this thread?

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Christmas Events & celebrations
Ceci03 · 01/12/2023 15:11

This is so weird !! OP do what you want who cares. Or is ur DP agreeing with his sis

Irridescantshimmmer · 01/12/2023 15:11

You need a boundary.
How dare she dictate when you put your tree up.

I would have told her to take a long walk off a short pier.

Its your choice.

She's like the grinch on steroids.

TheresaWa · 01/12/2023 15:12

endofthelinefinally · 01/12/2023 14:26

She sounds an absolute nightmare. Is he worth it? Will he support you in the decisions you make? These things are important.

Completely agreed

Ponderingwindow · 01/12/2023 15:12

Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? Do you want to be controlled by their reactions?

if your fiancé won’t back you on decorating your own home, you shouldn’t be getting married. This isn’t the first difference of opinion you are going to face with his family. They are going to have opinions about everything you do, especially regarding children if you choose to become parents. You need a spouse who views the two of you as a family unit.

comedycentral · 01/12/2023 15:12

OP! Put up the tree, he's marrying you too, and you have your own traditions to make!

MsMarch · 01/12/2023 15:12

SecondUsername4me · 01/12/2023 15:10

My fiancé isn’t bothered when it goes up but thinks we should wait till Sunday because of his mum and sister

God help you if you marry him and have kids with him. Sounds like he is one of those who defaults to Mum over wife.

"My DH doesn't mind when the DC open their presents, but thinks we should wait until lunch time when his mum is there because she wants to see them."

"My DH doesn't think I should breastfeed if I don't want to but thinks it's easier to just do it becuase otherwise his mum will kick off."

"My DH doesn't really mind that he has to stay home with the DC on a Tuesday because I'm at my yoga class but he thinks we shouldn't tell his mum because she thinks he does too much at home."

"My DH thinks it's ridiculous that we're not allowed to have a dog because my MIL is allergic but he doesn't want to cause a fight".

This Christmas tree is just the thin end of the wedge. Nip it in the bud now or suffer forever.

How's wedding planning going? I bet that's not fun.

TheresaWa · 01/12/2023 15:13

Stresa22 · 01/12/2023 14:26

But surely your fiancé is also marrying into your family and should abide by their traditions? OR, you could just be strong and do what works for you!

If you live together, in your house rules the traditions or decisions taken by both partners.

buckingmad · 01/12/2023 15:13

your fiancé is just as much marrying into YOUR family as you are his. His family traditions don’t trump yours. You’re the one putting the tree up, do it when it suits you.

whynotwhatknot · 01/12/2023 15:14

i wouldnt marry him0he doesnt want to upset his siter by putting a bloody tree up

good luck

ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/12/2023 15:14

Yellink · 01/12/2023 14:33

I’m not a confrontational person so I would struggle to deal with the awkwardness if she or his mum makes a snide comment. I’m so tempted to just put it up, all the boxes are downstairs. My fiancé isn’t bothered when it goes up but thinks we should wait till Sunday because of his mum and sister.

I would seriously rethink marrying this man. If you have children together, it will be a nightmare. Your husband will never have your back as he'll be too busy ensuring his overbearing mother and sister have everything THEIR way, despite your body and how you end up parenting has fuck all to do with them. They will stick their noses into your pregnancy, your labour, your childbirth, how your baby is fed, basically every single aspect of parenthood.

Run woman! RUN!

Oh and of course yesterday was too early to put it up as it was NOVEMBER, but now we're in December, bloody go for it!!!!!! Blast that Christmas music whilst doing it to piss her off even more as she stalks your house to spy on you. Seriously, why are you marrying into this weirdo family?!?!?!

Headband · 01/12/2023 15:14

Tell her to fuck off - start as you mean to go on.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/12/2023 15:16

@Strugglingtodomybest I know what she’s like. She’ll make digs about it saying I’m not interested in being part of the family and his mum will condescendingly but “politely” tell me what we do I’m this family and then slag me off afterwards.

So she's done similar before?
What was the previous instruction about?
What does your fiancé say when they do this?

I think, once youve had a celebratory drink in front of your early up Xmas Tree that you should make some prepared statements about why when you put up Xmas Trees has no bearing on anything... or something along the lines of "Its admirable the way you stick so resolutely to traditition, but Fiance and I will make our own tradititions..

You need to have a ready answer for controlling people.... all of which basically say... its charming that's the way you like to do things, but I'll do exactly what I want.

If your fiancé is scared of them.... that's a conversation you have to have with him before you get married.

AliceOlive · 01/12/2023 15:17

This is a test. If you and your fiancé can't handle this, just imagine what it will be like if you have children.

ChaToilLeam · 01/12/2023 15:17

Why is your DP not putting her straight and telling her to butt out?

put that tree up NOW! 🎄

JamSandle · 01/12/2023 15:17

It's your tree right? Do it how you want to.

ColleenDonaghy · 01/12/2023 15:18

Sounds like one for a big, bright grin and "Oh interesting! That's not how we do things in my family at all. Isn't it interesting to compare traditions?" and then carry on as you wish.

She sounds awful. Hopefully your DP has a backbone on the important issues?

MrsSunshine2b · 01/12/2023 15:18

"Oh, that's a nice tradition. Fiance and I are going to make some of our own traditions, it's nice how when people get married you can blend the traditions you both like from each family. I like to put the tree up early." The end.

Thegoldenlion · 01/12/2023 15:20

Put your tree up, post pictures on SM.

Merry Christmas!

CitizenofMoronia · 01/12/2023 15:20

LOL erm no actually he is marrying in to MY family and we do WTF we like. bye

Headband · 01/12/2023 15:20

Stick this in your window in case she decides to drive by and check.

Future sister in law won’t let me put the tree up till Sunday!!
willowthecat · 01/12/2023 15:20

If you can't deal with awkwardness then this is definitely the wrong family for you as they will have a lot in store for you to get their own way

Thegoldenlion · 01/12/2023 15:22

If you give in on this one next she’ll be telling you that “you can only wash your knickers on a Thursday…family tradition” etc.