Future sister in law won’t let me put the tree up till Sunday!!

[Yellink]

I wanted to put my Christmas tree up either yesterday or today as it would have been the easiest days for me to put it up but on Wednesday my fiancé and I were at the pub talking about Christmas decorations and she told us we shouldn’t put up the Christmas tree until Advent Sunday because that’s the tradition and that’s how they do it in their family. I told her Thursday or Friday would be easier for me but she got shirty and told me if I’m marrying into the family I must stick to their Christmas traditions. I know how their family are with their traditions but I’m annoyed they’ve got a problem with me putting it up when I want to though. I didn’t put it up yesterday because I saw her walking past the house twice in the afternoon and evening to check I haven’t put it up!

I don’t know whether to put it up today or do it on Sunday even though I’m busy to avoid the confrontation with his family! I don’t want confrontation or an atmosphere at the Christmas party next Sunday!

no doubt arranging next big family holiday

we will recognise the OP despite a name change next summer because the sister will not only have said she wished the Op dead, this time she actually threaten the life of the child (and the mother would be simpering away in the background rooting on the sister). Nothing will change. Only worsen if anything g. What needed to happen was the Op to have a boyfriend with a) a back bone b) a very strong and happy and healthy family background to educate the OP that her family isn’t just fucked up, but very sinister and he doesn’t want his child within a 5 mile radio us of them

unfortunately she seems to have got a boyfriend who mildly potters away in the background

wrong thread!

although in many respects… applies

YOU make up your own traditions. She can do whatever she likes, but you should do what suits you, it's your home.
If you let her dictate this you are leaving yourself wide open to future issues. Show her you have your own mind and will make you're own decisions. CF!

The absolute cheek of her monitoring your house, and telling you what you can do!

Your partner needs to make sure, your SIL and his mum are not causing issues for you. He needs to speak to his brother and mum about the snide comments. He needs to choose you over them, & speak up for you too.

Been here before, it was continual snide comments from bitch SIL, and MIL would join in. Me standing up for myself, partner only speaking out years later (things improved temporarily), resentment built & my decade long marriage ended. If your partner is not going to put them in their place now, do not marry into that family, and that toxic environment.

Yes, still do your own thing, but know this will only fuel the fire. Do not be a doormat, and do not hang out with them if that’s how they treat you.

Please, OP, learn to stand your ground on small issues like this or these family members will push you around forever.

Early in our relationship something of a similar magnitude came up, and I had a calm but serious conversation with my other half that I can summarise as "either you and I are a team, or we are over". We are a team against the world, and yes against our families if needs be.

He stood his ground against his mother on that occasion and has only had to once or twice since. If you can't rely on that support, get out now.