Future sister in law won’t let me put the tree up till Sunday!!

[Yellink]

I wanted to put my Christmas tree up either yesterday or today as it would have been the easiest days for me to put it up but on Wednesday my fiancé and I were at the pub talking about Christmas decorations and she told us we shouldn’t put up the Christmas tree until Advent Sunday because that’s the tradition and that’s how they do it in their family. I told her Thursday or Friday would be easier for me but she got shirty and told me if I’m marrying into the family I must stick to their Christmas traditions. I know how their family are with their traditions but I’m annoyed they’ve got a problem with me putting it up when I want to though. I didn’t put it up yesterday because I saw her walking past the house twice in the afternoon and evening to check I haven’t put it up!

I don’t know whether to put it up today or do it on Sunday even though I’m busy to avoid the confrontation with his family! I don’t want confrontation or an atmosphere at the Christmas party next Sunday!

This! It’s nothing to do with not being confrontational either. Most of us aren’t, but we have boundaries, and we don’t put up with batshit thinking from people who should mind their own. Put up your tree when you want, ffs it’s not difficult.

I'm not marrying "into" your family.
My family is being joined to yours by one small branch... Your family will therfore extend its Xmas trads to incorporate...

Ours /mine.

You can't let them dictate to you. I can foresee years of them telling you what to feed your kids, dictating what time they go to bed, etc etc. Stand your ground now.

Put it up now and let her see that. You need to nip this sort of shit in the bud. What a load of nonsense. She needs to get a life.

Mine doesn't go up until Christmas Eve, but if I had a SIL who tried to tell me I "couldn't" put it up before Advent Sunday, 2024's tree would go up at Halloween.

Oh good lord.

Put your bloody tree up. Don’t make excuses or explain. If anyone asks you about it or comments in any way just look them straight in the eye, smile and say through gritted teeth “I’m sure everyone does whatever works best for them”. Then don’t get drawn into discussion about it. If anyone won’t let it go, just respond “How interesting” to every comment until they shut up.

Then fgs sort your fiancé out. He needs to understand pdq that his days of pacifying his DM and SIL are over and his job from now on is to have your back.

Unless you're putting your tree up in her house, it has fuck all to do with her!

Tell her couples merge their traditions and develop new ones!

@Yellink I can absolutely tell you do not have children yet.

When you have children this will be a totally different post.

I know you said you’re not confrontational. There isn’t anything to be confrontational about. You need to stop this controlling behaviour before you have kids and she tells you how to raise them.

Also @Yellink , would it perhaps help you to FOREVER stop SIL being a peeping Tom if you were to mention right now in a family group chat that a neighbor mentioned he saw a woman looking in your window and gave you a description so you could call the police. And you just wanted to make sure it wasn’t a family member stopping by? (I also second or third whoever said we’d love to see a lovely photo of your Christmas tree).

I wholeheartedly agree with this. They put their tree up when they want, and you put yours up when you want.

I would never put a tree up this early, but in this case I am firmly on your side. Your tree, your rules. Who does she think she is??? Why do her family's traditions come before your own family's?

I would have laughed in her face and told her, firmly, that I will do as I want to in my own house. As for any confrontation with his family, sod that. Your partner should be siding with you on this, not trying to appease his family. Walking past your house to check if you have put the tree up? - there are no words. 😲

I would be seriously thinking hard about marrying into a family like this - it won't get any better, and unless you are strong enough to stand up to them I don't see a good outcome in future.

A woman after my own heart! Put me under ridiculous pressure and watch me kick back.
If the OP allows herself to be bullied by her future SIL then she, the SIL will think she can bully her over everything and it will be the OP's fault that she has a miserable life.

You need the inflatable dinosaur from the other thread…..😂

Only read the OP but jeez you’re not 10 years old. Youre a grown up.

hope your tree is up and told her to fuck off

I don't even like Christmas trees (too many cats in my life) but I agree. My tree would be on a year long exhibition!

When she or her mother pay your mortgage and all your bills they can get a say in when ANYTHING happens in your house, your marriage, your life.

Until then... they can fuck off.

You sort this out now... or this will be your life....

Good luck in the future if a tree is causing this much consternation.

It's not that you are not confrontational, it's that you are a total doormat.

Put up your tree.

I think that I’d be inclined to keep the decorations up after 12th night just to wind her up!

You shouldn't be feeling anxious about this. If you are, it is a problem for your fiancé to sort. If his mum or sister say anything, he needs to step in and say, "Hey, lay off, you can have whatever traditions you want but you can't dictate when WE put up OUR Christmas tree!"

If he isn't willing to stand up for you then you have a fiancé problem and I'd give some serious thought to whether you really want to marry into this family.

If they're this opinionated about when you put up your Christmas tree, imagine what they'll be like about your wedding or your future children.

Mines not up yet, purely because we have a real tree. I've just driven home and lots of homes have trees in the windows and beautiful outdoor Christmas lights. It was lovely to see.

You don't have to justify your own choices for your own home. Fgs just do what you want. She doesn't own you. Tell your partner he needs to back you In everything

This!

@Kanelsnegl @SisterAgatha 😂 you’re my type of people

Your fiancé is marrying into your family. In your family the tradition is to do what is easiest and makes the most sense.