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Original poster

Future sister in law won’t let me put the tree up till Sunday!!

506 replies

Yellink · 01/12/2023 14:23

I wanted to put my Christmas tree up either yesterday or today as it would have been the easiest days for me to put it up but on Wednesday my fiancé and I were at the pub talking about Christmas decorations and she told us we shouldn’t put up the Christmas tree until Advent Sunday because that’s the tradition and that’s how they do it in their family. I told her Thursday or Friday would be easier for me but she got shirty and told me if I’m marrying into the family I must stick to their Christmas traditions. I know how their family are with their traditions but I’m annoyed they’ve got a problem with me putting it up when I want to though. I didn’t put it up yesterday because I saw her walking past the house twice in the afternoon and evening to check I haven’t put it up!

I don’t know whether to put it up today or do it on Sunday even though I’m busy to avoid the confrontation with his family! I don’t want confrontation or an atmosphere at the Christmas party next Sunday!

OP posts:
Nanaof1 · 01/12/2023 21:09

Yellink · 01/12/2023 15:32

OK I think I’m going to put it up after dinner. If she says anything I’ll just politely tell her I was too busy on Sunday and it was easier to do it Friday. I knew I shouldn’t give in.

I have to ask, why are you marrying him? If he already is giving in to what his mummy and sister want, do you REALLY think it will change if you get married? Have children?

It wouldn't matter what his family is like if he just supported you and told them to F-off and leave you be. Sadly, that isn't what he has done. He wants YOU to just go along with his mummy and sister. NOT a good sign of things to come.

Wheelz46 · 01/12/2023 21:10

I would totally deck my house out like the Blackpool illuminations before Sunday and for future years, I would put them up mid November 😆

LatteLady · 01/12/2023 21:13

None of her business what you do and when you do it... I put mine up the weekend before Christmas, but that doesn't mean you need to do it then. There is a house round the corner that puts the tree up after 5 November, so you put it up when it is good for you.

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Christmas Events & celebrations
BlackeyedSusan · 01/12/2023 21:15

devildeepbluesea · 01/12/2023 14:25

Clearly the answer to this is: do what the fuck you like!

Abso fucking lutely

He's marrying into your family so can follow some of your traditions!

Abi86 · 01/12/2023 21:15

This is an important decision and you’re at a crossroads OP. If you choose to be dictated to and cojoled into bs "family traditions" now, it'll set a pattern you might find hard to break in the future. Further, you’ll find out if your future husband is supportive of you now (before you’re married). You don’t need to "confront", just do what’s best for you (as long as it does no harm to others). Good luck.

WandaWonder · 01/12/2023 21:16

I think 4 out of 10 for creative

Ahwig · 01/12/2023 21:16

When I was at junior school my best friend's bday was December 13th and when I went to her party she had her tree up. I thought that was so cool. My mum wouldn't let me put up our tree until practically Christmas Eve ( only because she hated the mess).
When I was 40 , I got remarried and I told my new husband the story. My bday is next week and he said well why don't we put ours up on your bday. It had never occurred to me to do that previously. god knows why , so since then it goes up on my birthday and it's fabulous🎄

Blogswife · 01/12/2023 21:17

This would be like a red rag to a bull with me . I’d go straight home and put it up - leaving the curtains open for (nosy) passers by to see the flashing lights ! Don’t bow down to this madness - it’ll only get worse !

BlackeyedSusan · 01/12/2023 21:19

Yellink · 01/12/2023 14:33

I’m not a confrontational person so I would struggle to deal with the awkwardness if she or his mum makes a snide comment. I’m so tempted to just put it up, all the boxes are downstairs. My fiancé isn’t bothered when it goes up but thinks we should wait till Sunday because of his mum and sister.

This does not sound promising for a good relationship.

dapsnotplimsolls · 01/12/2023 21:21

Put it up when it's convenient for you. Start your own traditions, don't get sucked into theirs.

OrangeRhymesWith · 01/12/2023 21:22

Op please put it up today - this is an easy way to show them and your fiance that you wont go along with everything they want.

they have an idea that you can be directed by them, you have to stop it now otherwise they will be directing your wedding, how you r as use your kids, where they should go to school etc etc.

going along with what they want will encourage them to continue. This is a low stakes way to discourage it.

yes it may be awkward but you can withstand awkward. Believe me, they will find any way to talk condescendingly of you no matter what you do.

have a few lines prepared for when they say anything and change the subject. 'Yes putting it up then suited us better, have you done all your shopping' 'yes I understand your tradition, that's lovely for you but couldn't be done at ours, anyway what are you getting x for christmas'

fame confidence if you need, show them and yourself that you are not a little girl they can direct

7yo7yo · 01/12/2023 21:27

maybe you should say we have family traditions too. It’s called mind your own business unless you are paying my mortgage and bills.

LambriniBobinIsleworth · 01/12/2023 21:36

If this is a genuine consideration in your life, don't marry into this family. It's going to be a very long life with this kind of nonsense going on... especially if you have kids. Fuck that.

whatsappdoc · 01/12/2023 21:39

Move along, nothing to see here. Didn't happen and just designed to get people frothing.

OurChristmasMiracle · 01/12/2023 21:41

I would have responded “looks like your brother will have to do the decorations then”

ChekhovsMum · 01/12/2023 21:47

Please ask your fiancé ‘Does it bother you that your sister has told me I have to abide by your family’s traditions?’
If he says it does bother him, then ask him to go and tell her to stop being such a bossy bitch.
If he says he thinks they’ve got a really good point, ask him whether he’s thought about abiding by your family’s traditions, or if he thinks women suddenly just get absorbed into their DHs family when they marry, like in the olden times.
Then run for the hills.

LilaRose97 · 01/12/2023 21:48

Put it up! Letting her tell you what to do is setting a precedent. Nobody gets to tell you what you can and cannot do, it doesn’t matter who they are. You and your fiancé are starting your own traditions, you need to set your own boundaries and be firm.

notmorezoom · 01/12/2023 21:52

If your fiance did anything other than back you up completely and tell his sister that she's bonkers then you have bigger issues than a tree @Yellink . Seriously. What about when they want to tell you how to raise your kids?

BananaPyjamaLlama · 01/12/2023 21:53

We dont usually do ours until about the 15th but thats our home, our rules. What you do in yours is up to you. I would sit down and have a proper discussion about this (and the broader issue of your SILs behaviour and your fiancees attitude about her behaviour). If your marriage is going to work she needs to back off, your husband needs to be in a partnership with you not his family and you need to stick up for yourself - cos if you let her win on issues like this now........... you'll be forever fighting her.

LambriniBobinIsleworth · 01/12/2023 21:53

Scruffington · 01/12/2023 15:06

I find it helpful to keep in mind those three words 'dick is abundant'.

Do you really want to shackle yourself to these Peggy Mitchell wannabes and a wet lettuce husband?

Best reply by miles.

Itwasafterallallaboutme · 01/12/2023 21:57

I really think that you need to think long and hard @Yellink about marrying into this family. If your partner had agreed with you and said to his sister and Mum (as politely as he wanted to)
"Fuck Off DSister and DM, you had better get used to the fact very quickly that we are our own family unit, and will make any decisions about what we do about anything ourselves. We will not be dictated to, so if you want to have a harmonias relationship with us, you will never try to lay down the law with us again"
But unfortunately OP your partner didn't say that did he? He doesn't care when the Tree goes up, so he should have sided with you immediately, but instead he wanted to do what he thought would give him a more peaceful and easier time. So he told you to leave it until Sunday.

Do you hope to have children with this man OP? Because if you do, forget about whether you want to breastfeed or bottle feed your baby, forget about you and your partner deciding on your child's name, or what sort of nappies they wear, or whether you will feed your baby on demand or have set feeding times (but within reason do please feed them on demand!)

If you have a dining room and you and your partner decide you want it to look quite dramatic, so it's over all colour scheme will be black, don't expect his Mum and his sister to like that idea at all, so it would be another "no" from them, with your partner agreeing because he wants an easy life. So if you insist on staying with your partner, I think he either needs to start showing you right away that he is going to be standing up to them, or, you need to show him that siding with his family does not give him the easy and quiet life that he was hoping for.

I can promise you OP that if you stay with your partner without standing your ground, you will in the future bitterly regret it. I can't tell you whether that will happen next year, in 5 years time, or in 15 years time, but you will very sadly end up regretting it, which means that you will end up being very unhappy. So please stand your ground now, and don't make excuses to his family about why you are putting the tree up today. Because you want to, is absolutely the best answer.

Winnipeggy · 01/12/2023 22:04

Yellink · 01/12/2023 15:40

It’s a weird feeling because I know I’m not doing anything wrong by putting it up but I’m still getting anxiety in case she sees it is either tonight or tomorrow.

Please stop letting this woman spoil your life

Cherrysoup · 01/12/2023 22:20

Huh? You don’t even live with her but you’re going to let her dictate when you can put up the tree in your own house?! Tell me it ain’t true! 🙈

Silvers11 · 01/12/2023 22:22

Nanaof1 · 01/12/2023 21:09

I have to ask, why are you marrying him? If he already is giving in to what his mummy and sister want, do you REALLY think it will change if you get married? Have children?

It wouldn't matter what his family is like if he just supported you and told them to F-off and leave you be. Sadly, that isn't what he has done. He wants YOU to just go along with his mummy and sister. NOT a good sign of things to come.

Show quote history

@Yellink - I so agree with @Nanaof1and @Itwasafterallallaboutme posts. This does not bode well for your future Marriage AT ALL, if your partner would prefer to keep his Mum and Sister happy over what you want. Please think VERY carefully about what you want in your future. If you can't say no, over something like this, you are going to have a very difficult time in the future

Caththegreat · 01/12/2023 22:23

Jesus.get a life.

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