Future sister in law won’t let me put the tree up till Sunday!!

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I wanted to put my Christmas tree up either yesterday or today as it would have been the easiest days for me to put it up but on Wednesday my fiancé and I were at the pub talking about Christmas decorations and she told us we shouldn’t put up the Christmas tree until Advent Sunday because that’s the tradition and that’s how they do it in their family. I told her Thursday or Friday would be easier for me but she got shirty and told me if I’m marrying into the family I must stick to their Christmas traditions. I know how their family are with their traditions but I’m annoyed they’ve got a problem with me putting it up when I want to though. I didn’t put it up yesterday because I saw her walking past the house twice in the afternoon and evening to check I haven’t put it up!

I don’t know whether to put it up today or do it on Sunday even though I’m busy to avoid the confrontation with his family! I don’t want confrontation or an atmosphere at the Christmas party next Sunday!

Even if you don't put it up, PLEASE keep your curtains closed all day tomorrow just to mess with her!!

Oh same actually. Would usually never bother but for her sake I'd throw up a fee inflatable reindeer and lights.

Advent Sunday is religious. A tree is not.

I'm not putting mine up until 10th or later. Misses point of thread.

And this is before you are married? And for such a minor issue? I would seriously be considering what your future will be like if you don’t put your foot down now

And walk around in a gaudy Christmas sweater and flashing reindeer antlers. 😈

Grow a set of balls and put your big girl pants on - otherwise you will be told what to do al of your life by these crazy feckers. Can you imagine having kids, oh no you must leave them scream crying as thats what we do in our family and you nodding away there just to fit in...Be brave, and if she says oh well you dont want to be part of our family, say I also have a family and we do it my way..Clash of the families, so Im going to start my own family traditions, thanks. Then make a joke and say yeah seen you creeping on the house, so decided to give you something to complain about

On a more serious note, do you really want to marry into this family?
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FFS maybe you need to ask Santa for a spine this year 🙄

Whatever you do make sure you put it up today or tommorrow pronto! Otherwise don't complain when her and mil start telling you other things you can/ can't do and get upset over little things in the future. Set the precedent now OP otherwise forever suffer.

Hoping you just put it up. I put mine up as late as possible (one year this was christmas eve) but faced with you SIL I would have it up as early as possible, possibly in November.

Just put it up, what about your traditions? And your partner isn’t even bothered. Keep your blinds/ curtains shut if you are bothered about her finding out.

If you do put it up and there's any snide remarks and your DF doesn't stick up for you, I would seriously consider handing back the ring. Also tell them its YOUR family tradition to put it up whenever you fucking please.

Fucking bonkers family OP, DFs ability to stick up for you or not would certainly be dictating whether this marriage goes ahead. 🤪

Well you are doing your family tradition, which is, to put your tree up whenever the fuck is convenient.
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Since when was doing inconsequential little things like this 'confrontational'

I don't know who's more nuts, her for sniping at you or you giving a fuck what she thinks or actually considering putting your tree up when she says instead of when it suits you.

What does dh to be have to say about this? Unless he speaks up I'd have to seriously think whether to marry him and his batshit family.
God only knows what would happen if you decide to have dc. Will sil be telling when to concieve and how to give birth?

Oh, and a inflatable gaudy blow up sex doll for the front garden, the ugliest looking thing you can find. A new family tradition.😁

I think you do have to make a bit of a stand on this, OP - consider it setting your stall out! If you let her control this she'll continue to have her say on every little thing and think she can bully you.

Get that up, extra lights, curtains open!!

I'd be practising a few ready retorts for when she clocks it, too.

'I thought I'd told you that our family tradition is to put it up on Sunday?!' - You did, but it's MY family tradition to do whatever I like in my own home and not let others be control my business'.

Let her know NOW, OP!! You don't have to be confrontational but you DO need to let them know you are not taking their shit!

I hate it when people say they can't do anything in these situations as they are not "confrontational". It's not "confrontational" to have enough boundaries to not be walked all over by dickheads. Being a doormat is not aspirational. When you say you're not confrontational enough to say that you are quite capable of choosing when to put a bloody Christmas tree in your own home, you're actually just saying you have no backbone at all!

Get a ruddy grip!

Exactly - if they're prepared to go in this hard over feckin Xmas decs what are they going to be like when/if OP has kids and doesn't want to use a FAMILY NAME or have a FAMILY NATURAL BIRTH or some other mad shit.

They sounds utterly unhinged.

The fact that your getting anxiety about putting up your own Christmas tree in your own home just shows your SIL is a bully. It's none of her business when you put your tree up.

Don't set the precedent that she has such control your life. Put your tree up and she says anything tell her to grow up.

And in todays episode of people who are their own worst enemy...

I'm not a confrontational person either and I can't imagine giving this any consideration at all. Or even a second thought.

I think this calls for the 6ft inflatable Christmas dinosaur.

Erm... Tell her to jog on. Also, he's marrying into your family and can follow your family's traditions. Which is convenience.

In all seriousness OP, a partner who puts his family before you is awful, and impossible to change. Speaking from bitter experience !

If she sees it, tell her you're doing your own traditions or following your family's traditions.

I'd personally tell her to fuck off but it doesn't sound like you'd be comfortable in doing so.