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Original poster

Any idea how to resolve this Christmas dilemma?

180 replies

MargaretSmall · 29/11/2023 12:55

So I have two kids aged 25 and 17.

The 25 year old moved out a couple of years ago but only a mile away and we see her most days, very close etc

She's recently got a new boyfriend -it's been about 5 months now. I've met him very briefly twice, my husband has met him briefly once and my 17 year old hasn't met him. Seems like a nice chap from what I can see and she's happy with him.

So .. onto Christmas. We always really enjoy our Christmas's just the 4 of us. She wants him to come for Christmas dinner (he would be alone otherwise as he has children but doesn't see them until
Boxing Day) so she plans to spend Xmas Eve and Christmas Day morning with him, come to us for present opening whilst he pops home to feed his cat, and then he comes for dinner

So the issue... none of us are that keen! Because it's only been such a short time of dating, because we've barely met him and my son not at all and my son has expressed that he'd feel a bit uncomfortable to have somewhere there for Xmas dinner that he's never met before - and we can't meet him before Christmas due to the fact he lives an hour away and other commitments

I just can't tell my daughter though that he's not welcome for Christmas dinner! What's he supposed to do? Sit in her house for a couple of hours on his own?

But then on the other hand, I have my son not massively looking forward to the day now

WWYD?

We will just suck it up I suppose as don't want to cause upset or offence but I'm interested in viewpoints

OP posts:

Manthide · 03/12/2023 11:15

ST10 · 01/12/2023 07:51

I’m afraid once your children get to 18+ the ‘just the 4 of us’ goes out of the window. It’s really sad for you but is just the way things go. I’ve been where your son is as there is a 7 year gap between me and my older brother. I hated it when he started bringing his girlfriends to Xmas because I was still fairly young and didn’t want my Xmas days to change from being just family. Your son is a bit old to feel like this tbh as it will probably be him wanting to invite a partner in the next few years but that protective sibling feeling never goes away. If you want your daughter there, you need to invite her partner especially if he’s alone otherwise. They’re grown up now, your Christmases will be different. Wait until it’s alternating between you and parents in law - then you have the depressing year when you don’t have them at all! Cherish all being together whilst you can.

Dd2 alternates with us and her in laws but we normally have dd1 (in fact she is 32 and we've always had her). This year we have both them and their dhs but I do wonder if dd1 might start alternating as she's expecting and I'm sure she'd choose the same year as dd2 so the cousins can play. Luckily we have 2 much younger dc so hopefully it'll be a long time until we are on our own.

Manthide · 03/12/2023 11:27

Siha345 · 29/11/2023 18:39

I’m not sure what your son has to object to. Eating dinner with a stranger isn’t a big deal. My family met one of my sister’s boyfriends for the first time on Christmas Day, I don’t know why we would have objected. You knowing that he’ll be alone if you change your mind would make you pretty mean for rejecting him

About 35 years ago I was in a foreign country at Christmas visiting my then bf (now exdh) of a few months. There was never any issue of me not going to his parents (about 100 miles away from his) on Christmas day, though they'd never met me or even knew I existed until a few days before. They even put me up for a couple of nights. I had met his sister before but only briefly. I wonder if covid lockdowns have affected your ds - I know my dd15 is not as good at mixing socially as my other dc.

Snowbear32 · 04/12/2023 19:30

You are massively BU. As if your daughter would be happy to go and spend Xmas with you all and leave her boyfriend by himself all day.

When I first started dating my now husband when I was 20 he came round to my family's house for Xmas dinner after us only being together for a month. He was invited and we had a great time and he and my family got to know each other, especially my extended family who he hadn't met before. If my parents had told me he wasn't welcome, and that would mean he would have had to spend Xmas day on his own I would have been really upset.

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Brightredtulips · 04/12/2023 19:39

Wow! I can't believe this attitude you all have. Poor guy. You all sound weird, just chill and stop taking life so seriously. My family would welcome anyone to our Christmas, and we would make space for them to stay over too.

underneaththeash · 04/12/2023 20:35

We always have a couple of extra people on Christmas day. It's more fun that way.

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