I dread Christmas. I don't want to.

[BrassicaBabe]

I dread Christmas. We don't even host dinner. We go to my parents, DH parents alternately. So really it's "just" present buying on my list.

DH and I have 2 kids.

When did Christmas lists become so prescriptive?!! Not only do I need to tell every present buying person what DCs want roughly, I have to provide a specific link.

So I need to know a detailed Xmas list for both DC enough to be able to share with both sides of the family. But THEN I need to know what to get the kids from DH and I!!

I had diagnosed ADHD. I hate the upset to my routine. I am NOT creative in anyway when it comes to gift buying. (I couldn't even tell you what I want). So a super thoughtful "just what I always wanted" gift isn't in my skills list! I hate that a tree and decorations mess with my space and feels cluttered. (I'm afraid cards go in the bin for here days. I cannot bare the "mess" they make)

Christmas feels like Harry Potter's dementors coming over the horizon towards me.

HOWEVER, I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to give out grinch like vibes.

Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone have any advice for "switching it up"?

What would happen if you didn’t give anyone ideas? Nothing awful. They ask for ideas, you say you don’t have any this year. Why are you doing it all? Your children have a father, he should be liaising with his side of the family at the very least.

What happens? They harass me by WhatsApp. And I feel guilty for being a crappy parent who doesn't understand her own kids 😩

Firstly I refuse to do lists for everyone else. Part of giving a gift is the thought that goes into it, not just chucking some money at it. So give wider family a general steer (so kids get something they like) but I wouldn’t be providing detailed lists.

You say 'they'd appreciate vouchers this year please' and that way they get an answer and you get a solution and the kids have something to do at twixmas going to spend their vouchers.

It's actually something that really annoys me - I'm getting really fed up with family members asking me what to get the children as presents.
I spend ages coming up with thoughtful gift ideas from me and Father Christmas, I don't want to have to come up with suggestions for other people too.
Yes, it's lovely they want to get the children presents, but it almost seems like a cop out that they want to be told exactly what to buy. Some won't even give me a budget which makes it trickier / awkward.
I make sure I don't do this to other people.

You can choose to ditch the guilt. It might take practise but it’s worth doing. Why’s this your job and not your husband’s?

How old are the children? Does DH pull his weight?

When did Christmas lists become so prescriptive?!! Not only do I need to tell every present buying person what DCs want roughly, I have to provide a specific link

Well if you're doing the research and thinking for everyone it's no wonder you're dreading it. Why are you doing it anyway? I wouldn't bother. It's sad that so many women stress about the festive season because they can't or won't say No, or admit they're stressed and tired. All this obligation and misery for what, really? Sometimes you need to fall back and let somebody else do it, you'll get no thanks for Christmas martyrdom

Populate an Amazon wish list over the year whenever you spot something they might like that would be suitable for other people to buy. Send the link to that and job done.

Or what I do now, just ask for books so you don't end up under a pile of duplicates and plastic.

Teen DD has autism she's fairly low needs but doesn't love the hubbub of Christmas and needs lots of down time. we don't do a tree anymore or loads of decorations, we have Christmas lights strung up on our wooden bookcase and that's about as chrisymasy as we get - I miss the end result but not putting decorations up or packing away. We tend to do presents at my parents who decorate a bit more.

We have a family Christmas gift WhatsApp group where we take photos of things we like during the year but wouldn't buy for ourselves so family members who struggle to gift can choose from there as it's a group thing it doesn't feel onerous, it's up to the giver to liaise with the rest of the family to make sure duplicate aren't bought

I think this is the best solution. If you're at the stage of asking for (or sending) links then the whole spirit of gifting has fallen by the wayside and you may as well switch right over to sensible, practical and easy.

If they insist on giving them 'a surprise to open' then they can tape the voucher to a selection box or similar.

The flip side to not providing lists is that I'd need to be equally creative for nieces and nephews etc.

DH is good. But he also works 70+ hours per week. Then add to that he doesn't have any "needs or wants" of his own 😩🤣

At one time we had 42 Christmas presents to buy, yes I I did ask what the children would like as didn't want to duplicate.

After my Mum died I then had to get presents for my 90 year old disabled dad to give people and also do the same for my 95 year old aunt who was in a home.

Its all stopped now but the word Christmas gives me chills even now.

I can only say sympathy. PTSD, severe depression and anxiety, autism and ADHD here. Scheduled to spend it with my abusive parents and my nasty and estranged sister is arriving on 3/12. I’ve been blackout drunk for the past two Christmasses and have no idea how to survive this one.

Re presents, often it’s just getting something. Get them some nice chocolate, a sweater, a gift card, and then that’s off your list.

Buy your nieces and nephews a voucher each and tape it to a selection box.

Buy your DH something consumable that he enjoys (alcohol, chocolate, cheese). If/when he decides he wants clothes, tech etc, he chooses and buys it himself, none of this is anything to do with Christmas.

No point making it any more complicated than it needs to be.

No I don’t feel like this, I start really early so done by Dec. Then it’s enjoyable. I would also just ask for vouchers for the kids if you can’t think of gifts

Omg that would give me nightmares!

Own children, Neices and nephews. That's it. One present each child. So 5 presents.

And DC just want money now.

Do they know you have ADHD and struggle with this?
Send a message to all on Whatsapp -
"Hi Everyone. I am finding Christmas a bit overwhelming. If you want to get the children a gift a book voucher will be lovely (or whatever their favourite shop is). You don't need to get anything for me and husband. Thanks. Love you all"
Do you have to buy for adults in the family? It might be too late for this year but I often think Secret Santa would be good when there's lots of adults. That way you only have one present to buy.

I had this in a smaller way and I don't have adhd so I do sympathise
Depending on their ages of course
Could you ask them to transfer the amount they wish to spend to you in cash and you do the same clearing stating you do not have the headspace?
It is transactional but don't feel guilty
It's unfair of them to put pressure on you

I find Christmas totally overwhelming too, @BrassicaBabe. What I have done is made it very very simple. Very few people get presents. DH always says he doesn't want anything and I've learnt to take him at his word. My siblings and I put a stop to buying presents for each others' children years ago. And for each other. I confess to buying for my new great niece this year but that's because I'm all over excited about it as she's the first of the new generation. And nobody expects it. I really resent Christmas expectations so I just don't go along with them.
I'm always glad when it's over.

Bah humbug 😂

Please don't do this to yourself ♥

How old are your children? I'd say by age 7 they can go through a Smyths or Argos catalogue and say what they want for themselves.

If younger than that just get a catalogue and go through it yourself and circle things you think they'd like. Then send pics of catalogue page or IF you are feeling nice the link to the website.

Indeed. We have cut so many out by now mutual agreement, it was getting ridiculous. And, of course, dad and auntie no longer with us, sadly. Just now get Amazon or restaurant vouchers for 4 nephews/nieces. I would rather pay more per person this way than aimlessly wandering around shops wondering what they would like. Nightmare!

Totally this.

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau just don't go. You are an adult, you don't have to inflict that pain on yourself. Even if you spend Christmas alone get your favourite foods in, some good quality treats and spend the day doing what you enjoy.