I dread Christmas. I don't want to.

[BrassicaBabe]

I dread Christmas. We don't even host dinner. We go to my parents, DH parents alternately. So really it's "just" present buying on my list.

DH and I have 2 kids.

When did Christmas lists become so prescriptive?!! Not only do I need to tell every present buying person what DCs want roughly, I have to provide a specific link.

So I need to know a detailed Xmas list for both DC enough to be able to share with both sides of the family. But THEN I need to know what to get the kids from DH and I!!

I had diagnosed ADHD. I hate the upset to my routine. I am NOT creative in anyway when it comes to gift buying. (I couldn't even tell you what I want). So a super thoughtful "just what I always wanted" gift isn't in my skills list! I hate that a tree and decorations mess with my space and feels cluttered. (I'm afraid cards go in the bin for here days. I cannot bare the "mess" they make)

Christmas feels like Harry Potter's dementors coming over the horizon towards me.

HOWEVER, I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to give out grinch like vibes.

Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone have any advice for "switching it up"?

I tried this one year. Ended up with huge toys that took up too much space along with some ornaments and pictures we hate and had to display because the givers regularly pop in unnanounced (another one of pet peeves, but that's for another thread). Although the list writing is annoying, it's far better than accumulating a bunch of tat that you can't get rid of because it's large enough to be obviously missing.

My advice to the OP is to put lots of consumables and every day items on the list. Make an Amazon list as it's easier to share than emailing links. We always put lots of bubble bath, shower gel sets, chocolate and fancy tea on our list so it will definitely get used and not clutter the house in the longer term. Add in a couple of toys or games that pack up small and that's all the suggestions they get. They still go off script occasionally but the hassle is far more preferable to the utterly bizarre gifts they used to buy on their own.

If you have an Amazon list then you can add to it slowly over the year as things pop into your head or if you see an advert. This means you don't need to do as much work in October/November as the list is nearly full.

Toaster broke? Buy a cheap one for the interim and put a nice luxury one on your list. Saw a nice pair of gloves in the shop in October? Put them back and add them to your wishlist. You get the idea.

Me and my husband do a list for each other so we don't see when our parents are buying stuff off it, but we text each other when ideas spring to mind. Ive been adding stuff all year!

Just to add, with an Amazon list you can write a comment on each item so we've started using placeholders instead of doing all the legwork ourselves. For example, I know my daughter wants face masks for christmas but I can't be arsed to find the exact ones or shop around for the best price. So I just added a random set onto the list and put a comment saying "any face mask set, home bargains might have something". The grandparents are under strict instructions to mark the item as purchased if they get it offline, which helps to stop them doubling up.

stop with the lists. that's just bonkers!!

We don't like the razzle dazzle of Christmas either. But I do write little notes on my phone "ideas for Grandparents" and it gets added to throughout the year. But just things like Cluedo, basketball hoop, Xbox vouchers, Waterstones vouchers. etc

It doesn't have to be chaotic! school provides enough Christmas activities to knacker out the average bear anyway.

Men are very difficult with presents- just upgrade something they already have. I.e a faded hoody for a new one. wired headphones for wireless. etc

Food: we each choose our favourite Christmassy food and get those. that's it! Roast is just a roast. Continue as usual.

Enough is enough. Christmas isn't supposed to be a glitter infested sensory overload for 6 weeks.

It's supposed to warm and cosy with some extra treats and a few gifts for your favourite people! 🎅

I don’t like being asked for ideas. Part of the joy of present giving is to give people things they wouldn’t have thought of for themselves. For children this is particularly useful as it can introduce them to new things (eg crafts or books or hobbies or games) that they didn’t know about before. And it was lovely when a friend gave my daughter jewellery because I don’t wear jewellery and it wouldn’t have crossed my mind but she loved it.

It’s one thing just to receive stuff off your own list or the same kind of thing your parents always think of. Getting something unexpected is next level.

also, as the parent, if I grudgingly give up one of my hard-won ideas for one of my children, what happens is the relative ends up not going for it, or getting some version that isn’t the same at all, so the kid ends up not getting that much-wanted thing from anybody because it’s too late to get it myself or suggest it to someone else.

I put a lot of thought into trying to get good presents for my nephews and nieces and then just when I feel I’m breaking the back of it, there’s one aunt who starts asking what my children want!

I am ruthless. I do not display unwanted ornaments and pictures.

A gift voucher for the kids for Amazon. INSIST on it.

If the list you are creating is just being passed on from the children themselves, you could just tell the relatives to ask the children directly. Either via message or in a phone chat if they’re young.

Theres a lot of nasty bugs goong around this year @CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau . Would not be nice to pass any on the relatives would it?

I refuse to do other people's thinking for them. When people ask me what they should get my children, I just reply "oh they'd be happy with anything but they're not expecting anything so don't feel you have to buy a gift". (true!)
Or "DS1 loves pokemon and Minecraft, DS2 loves football".

DH and I don't buy each other Xmas presents, we spend the money on great food. Might sound miserable but we never need anything so it just removes a bit of pressure and means less cooking.

We have a secret santa for all neices and nephews so we each only buy for one family.

I love Christmas.

I’m amazed how much pressure people put on themselves. As a pp says just don’t do it!

What about kids presents, they are given to my children, not to me. I can't bin them straight away, they aren't mine!

Yes, when they mount up I have a clear out when they get bored of them but I doubt very much that anyone would bin a kids gifts on boxing day.

And with regards to pictures, if someone has taken the time to paint something themselves then no matter how hideous it is I can't bring myself to chuck it in January. Especially when they would notice it missing. If I were that ruthless then I'd quickly run out of loved ones who buy things for me!!

I sometimes ask my relatives what their kids might want from us for Christmas (usually in an auntie/ uncle sort of role). I didn't realise it was such a bone of contention so I'll try to do it a bit less!

It's not usually because I can't think of ideas. It's because I don't always really know what they already have/ what their parents are getting them, and I don't want to buy a duplicate present.

I will sometimes say "I'm thinking of getting them X, is that something you think they'd like?"

You could try asking them to come up with some ideas because you find it hard to think of ideas yourself. There's no shame in saying that!

Not sure if this has been suggested already but could you take your kids to a toy shop and get them to take photos/write a list of what they would like? My two have an Amazon wish list which they add too as and when they see something they would like and then I just send the link to family and friends when they ask. It’s helpful because it’s all in one place and when someone purchases something it gets taken off the list automatically so no doubling up on presents

For us this year as a family we’re doing this

I think that’s a good approach, to say “I’m thinking of getting them x, would that go down well?” Simple yes/ no answer!

This! I asked one sibling to please not buy for my children and it wouldn’t have occurred to the other siblings anyway! I’m very fond of all my (many) nieces and nephews but their parents can buy them extra if they want to and they’ll know better than I do what they want

Second this @CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau - in your position I’d develop a nasty case of diplomatic Covid or some other bug you really don’t want to pass on. Then work out how to keep them very low contact.

ETA I see this has already been suggested!

This! Saves so much headspace! Plus gives you a day out, kids choose what they want, win win all round!

YABU - because you are missing the whole point of Christmas. As the grinch realised eventually; “He puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. Maybe Christmas, he thought...doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps...means a little bit more!”

I love Christmas because my family is together. We sit and play board games, watch cheesy films, eat chocolate at 7am and go for long dog walks in the forest. It’s a time for being together. Not about gifts and lists.

@Poppsidoppsi thats fine until the whole family are harassing you on email and WhatsApp.
OP I hear ya! My whole family ask me what I want, what DH, DC, DSCs, the Fucking cat want! I may be lying about the cat.
and if I suggest things on Amazon I end us getting them sent here for me to wrap.
and DH is often away for work a lot of December.
I have no suggestions, only sympathy

Part of the joy of present giving is to give people things they wouldn’t have thought of for themselves.

I get this. My mum has always been rather good at exactly this (or maybe I’m just easily pleased?) but part of growing up, for me, was the recognition that this is in fact a rare talent, and it’s unrealistic to expect it of anyone - including yourself - on a regular basis. Presents are one area where a lot of people need to turn down their expectations. If they get it right, great; if they don’t quite hit the spot, well, they tried, and anyone who whinges about what they get should either look at themselves or their relationships.

I’d rather be asked what they wanted rather than risk receiving stuff they don’t want, won’t use and would clutter up my house. Also if I’m buying for my nephews I’d be gutted to spend money on something they don’t want, what’s the point. I work hard, I want to buy them a gift but unless it’s something they will like then it’s a waste.

I feel sorry for the people asking in this situation.
They are trying to make sure you receive gifts that you/your children want.
How many threads are there on here in January complaining about unwanted gifts when people miss the mark?
Just as an example, some people don't mind a Bayliss & Harding gift set as a gift, others see them as a cheap and nasty work of the devil...people can't win.
How hard is it really to set up an Amazon wishlist or get the kids to circle some toys in the argos catalogue for ideas.

I tell my relatives sweets/clothes or books

The problem with refusing to tell others what to buy is that it’s really hard to know what to get for other people’s children- some 8 year old girls want barbie, others was fake tan. Some like football. Some can’t stand it. Ditto adults- some hate scented candles, some love them etc etc.