I dread Christmas. I don't want to.

[BrassicaBabe]

I dread Christmas. We don't even host dinner. We go to my parents, DH parents alternately. So really it's "just" present buying on my list.

DH and I have 2 kids.

When did Christmas lists become so prescriptive?!! Not only do I need to tell every present buying person what DCs want roughly, I have to provide a specific link.

So I need to know a detailed Xmas list for both DC enough to be able to share with both sides of the family. But THEN I need to know what to get the kids from DH and I!!

I had diagnosed ADHD. I hate the upset to my routine. I am NOT creative in anyway when it comes to gift buying. (I couldn't even tell you what I want). So a super thoughtful "just what I always wanted" gift isn't in my skills list! I hate that a tree and decorations mess with my space and feels cluttered. (I'm afraid cards go in the bin for here days. I cannot bare the "mess" they make)

Christmas feels like Harry Potter's dementors coming over the horizon towards me.

HOWEVER, I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to give out grinch like vibes.

Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone have any advice for "switching it up"?

https://www.aspriscs.co.uk/news-blogs/preparing-your-child-with-autism-andor-adhd-for-the-christmas-period/#:~:text=Put%20together%20a%20timetable,activities%20that%20may%20be%20happening.

I used to ask for specific items from different family members when they were little and there were lots of things they wanted, it was actually quite helpful for people to ask me.

This year I am in full on tortoise mode though. People who ask me what the kids want get a long and self pitying ramble in reply with, if they are lucky, a couple of vague clues in it.

Nieces and nephews will mostly be getting money...

Fuck the detailed list. Tell people to think for themselves!

I am ruthless. I do not display unwanted ornaments and pictures.

But that's exactly why lists are good! Buying unwanted things is such a waste, and racking your brains for wanted gifts without any hints is a nightmare.

Oh, that sounds so grim @Cecile.
I really hope this year is less painful x

The problem is that then you get a liad stuff they already have and / or are really not into, and people have wasted their money

I'm with you on the annoyance of having the provide a list for family, luckily my kids are old enough to curate their own list and my husband does all of the back and forth with his family. What pisses me off the most though is that my dad is seemingly incapable of getting the kids presents even with the provision of a list, he basically transfers me the money and asks me to sort it out, I even wrap the bastard presents for him! Drives me mad but he is nearing 80 and my late mum was usually the present sorter when she was alive, so I mutter FFS to myself every year and then just do it. If everyone else was as feckless and/or my husband didn't carry his share of the grunt work I think I'd lose the plot!

That sounds really awful. Can you not pretend to be ill and get some counselling over how to get rid of these people from your life?

@RancidRuby Can't your dad just give them money or vouchers?

Totally sympathise

However speaking as the child free aunt, I wouldn't have a clue what to get my nephews and nieces unless I was given ideas. I don't want to get them something they don't want.

It's the commercialisation of Christmas I hate and I suspect that's your issue too.

Yes, but the kids are still at the stage of liking having presents to open and he gives me a generous budget so I do it for them really.

When did Christmas lists become so prescriptive?!!

Almost 40 years ago my 7 year old wrote a list with Argos references, page, catalogue number price etc. ending with 'Father Christmas, I hope you know where Argos is' so maybe it's not so new!

Not a big fan here either - I like it for a few days but not 2 months, so we just limit. Decs go up 3 or 4 days before, and then we go away for a few days in between Xmas and new year. More enjoyable than when we’re not over it already! We also have some winter - not Christmas - things to look forward to, like a trip to nearest city and out to favourite restaurant.

"Hi! The kids said they just want complete surprises this year!"

And to get in the mood - a little Xmas treat for yourself? A set lunch alone at a nice place in town?

Get a flat, hang on the wall tree! Christmas lights round the windows for ambience, keep your space and your sanity.

One year when I was young and we were going to decorate any way, my mum let us paint a Christmas tree on our wall and I had my friends over to add the trimmings. It was great!

I also have ADHD and have an Amazon wishlist of things I see or think of at the time that other people might like, but know I will forget about in future. That doesn't help you now, but if you do have any "I saw this and thought of you" moments in future you'll be prepared. I do a lot of dopamine browsing on Amazon, so see a lot of things.

Also depending on how old your kids are, they should be able to get a catalogue out and circle things like back in the day when your mum and dad would get the Argos catalogue out.

We also give the kids their cameras, and tell them to take photos of what they see that they might want Santa to bring, and take them round b&m and toy shops, then we send the photos on and a location of where to get them to well meaning relatives.

Also, follow toy shops on tiktok, a lot of them do lives where they show you the newest and coolest toys that I am completely out of touch with.

In our family kids get kid stuff and adults get a bottle of wine and a gift card. Our reasoning is people don't want clutter. Let them buy their own things.

I'm also not hosting this year, however even though none of us really care for a traditional Christmas dinner the host always seems to do it. I suggest every year we should just order different takeaways and have a buffet style dinner instead but never goes down well that one. Oh well, maybe next year.

Anyway, hope any of my ADHD Christmas tips helped.

My children have Amazon lists we add to during the year and I share their lists when people want to get them something. My children are YOUNG (3 and under) and so I add stuff I’d be otherwise paying for myself or things they have seen and wanted. We also ask for memberships. It really causes me no stress so I just don’t understand the strain OP? If your children are older can’t they make their own lists?

Everyone has their own struggle but I wish I had family who cared enough to ask what my DC would really like or people who buy my dc gifts. Flip it and remember that means you have lots of family who care and want to get it right.

As for the tree I’m right with you I hate the clutter but remember it’s just a couple weeks of the year and I’m sure the kids love it :)

My family always ask for a list for DS - when I couldn't be bothered last time, I just said "we've not done a list this year, but at the moment he's into garden toys/cooking/space" etc which they seemed happy with and took the pressure off.

With gifts for adults, I try not to get hung up on 'just what they've always wanted' and instead aim for a nicer version of something than they'd usually buy for themself, so gloves, chocolate, wine, whatever.

If you have a nice market or some independent shops near you this helps as it massively narrows the choice down, plus is a generally more pleasant experience than having to scour all of the internet!

Get the kids to do a letter to Santa and post in the family What's App group (create one if there isn't and turn off notifications and last read) and encourage them to discuss what they're getting within the group.

For gifts to others you can ask them (or their parents) directly what they want or they get an Amazon voucher

For yourself and DH try and figure out one thing you'd like between yourself each year. A new cooker? A weekend away? Ask for vouchers towards it and top up yourselves for each other

Oh also we have fairy lights up, ceramic trees and a felt tree for our children to play with. No stress! For dinner we will be getting pre made nibbles and going for lunch Boxing Day. We don’t do gifts for anyone except children.

You absoloutly do NOT have to do that, its not your job to do all the work for everyone else. The whole point of a gift is that the give put thought and effort into thinking of you. Without that its just thoughtless buying for the sake of it from the giver and an extra chore for the mother.

If people ask just say you don't know or maybe just give a guideline like 'he likes anything arty, TMNT, camping and Manchester United' etc...

Spead the load e.g. I sign up for a free Symths catalogue in the post and ask my son to write his own list where he also highlights the 3 things he most wants within budget. He is at a learning age of KS2 (Primary year 3) and managed it this and last year, even though he's no fan of writing or maths!

They're just trying to be kind and thoughtful, and not buy anything that will just be given away.

Think a lot of people don’t spend time thinking about what really would make them and their immediate family happy leaving aside history and expectations at Christmas time. I don’t wrap (I hate wrapping, I’m bad at it and begrudge the time) - I use the odd blanket or reusable gift bag. we all hate surprises, we don’t go to any relatives, and we don’t have any over because also, nobody enjoys that. We only have a few gifts we actually want, and we only eat food we enjoy, regardless of what’s traditional or not.

and tbh, I’m a big fan of going somewhere in the gloomy days post Xmas for a change of scene.

Aw OP I struggle with Christmas too… I’m sure there are loads of super organised parents on here with similar aged kids who could help you with suggestions for the pressie lists.

If your DC are too young to write their own lists then maybe a post on the shopping board for gift idea with ages of your children and any pointers like hobbies/interests etc?

x