Was anyone else bullied in school and find it still affects you as an adult?

[skatykatie]

I was bullied back in secondary school and it left a pretty deep impact on my life. I'm in therapy and have come a long long way, but I feel my self esteem has always been pretty bad ever since. I know I'm a wonderful person capable of great things but I just dont give myself a chance or have the self belief I need.

Was anyone else bullied and find it left its mark on you?

I was bullied for being chubby and I still think I'm overweight, even though I'm not

Yes. I was bullied by my supposed best friend, and by a group of boys in my year. I actually wouldn't call what the boys did bullying. It was mental and physical abuse. Looking back it was horrific but I accepted it as normal, even though I was deeply unhappy. The school did nothing to tackle it.

I hope the therapy helps you OP. I've had lots and it helped me, although I don't think you really get over those sorts of formative experiences. They shape you.

I've never had a relationship in my 30s because of it. I can't trust that anyone's interest is genuine.

Won't bother going into great detail but absolutely it's damaged me 30 years on.

I was bullied and it has had a profound affect on me.
I'm incredibly hard on myself about how I look and never leave the house unless I look immaculate.
My dh often says it's hard to compliment me when we get dressed up for a night out, as I basically look the same when we go to Sainsbury's!'

I teased endlessly for being ugly, flat chested etc etc and ironically I have ended up incredibly attractive (I say this as it's what I'm told!) but still I never have an off day and always put a massive effort into how I look.
I think subconsciously I always want to be ready to bump into my bullies!

Yes, and physically and sexually assaulted. I left town and have never been back in nearly 40 years. Was a relief when my parents moved but I still don't see them. They didn't protect me.

I think subconsciously I always want to be ready to bump into my bullies!

25 years on I still sometimes enact in my head what would happen if I bumped into any of them, and what I'd say. It never leaves you does it.

Yes, my secondary school was basically a free for all and nobody cared what happened- teachers, parents, anyone. We nearly got closed down after an Ofsted inspection.
Teachers would join in the bullying or start it.

It's affected me in that I couldn't concentrate on lessons because I was always in a state of fear (my hair was set on fire in one lesson) and got terrible results in almost everything, which nobody cared about. My whole education suffered.
I developed trichotillomania and still have bald patches; I haven't been able to have a parting in my hair since I was 12.

I made it to uni by making sure I went to a different school for sixth form. I still have nightmares, 30 years later.

So so sorry so many of us have had these experiences. ❤

Yes, I was. And actually into university, too. Then again in my previous job by my boss.

It's meant I have suffered from depression all my life, feelings of inadequacy, second-guessing what people mean when they say or do things and being wary of new groups. I've found it hard to make friends since I left school and feel I'm actually pretty worthless in everything I do.

I regularly wish I'd been able to stand up for myself more as a teenager.

❤️. I could have written your post almost word for word. I'm not in my mid 40s and it still affects me on a daily basis in some form or other

At school and then at work. I had no real self esteem and was a bit of a recluse. OH helped me gain confidence and see my self worth. Like a previous poster I was flat and always was the odd one out. I'm still more or less flat but OH doesn't mind and I was fairly pretty (at least he says so).

I think what made the difference was when he managed to convince me that the other women's opinion was of no relevance.

I was bullied for being clever and for wearing glasses. When I told the teacher, she said "Tell your mother". When I told her she didn't nothing as she "Didn't want to make a fuss". So it went on and on and I just withdrew into myself and hated going to school until S4 when the bullies left.
It's left me with low self esteem and I'm very poor in social situations. I will turn down an invitation to something that will involve mingling and vague social interactions as I'd probably just sit in a corner by myself.

Yes.
I am crap at staying in touch with people because I assume they don't want to hear from me.
I have underdeveloped social skills because of years of the only interactions being negative. Even simple things such as 'hi, how are you' from someone - I'm always surprised they've asked and then forget to ask how they are back.
I can fake being extroverted and chatty VERY well, but I can also fake being absolutely fine when horrible things are happening, which sounds like a blessing but isn't.
I have got into relationships I didn't want to be in because I am... grateful someone wants me? I enjoy the company of the friendship group I then acquire? I'm still not sure.

However, a big pro:
I have nothing to lose, so I am bold. I am happy to let people go, and I dont see the point of having people in my life who do not treat me well. Someone who makes mistakes, great - me too. Even someone who makes big mistakes. As long as they show growth. Someone who consistently treat me or others badly and shows no regret or remorse or apology.. uninterested. And I don't miss these people. And my life is more peaceful for it.
I am also fiercely independent, and it means that after a lot of turmoil from the above mentioned relationship issues, I am perfectly happy in my own company, and do not need nor actively yearn for a partner. It means that now, the relationships I do have are with men who respect me and know that any issues are there to be worked on as a team, not left for one person to 'deal with'

Yes, I was bullied for being, in their words "weird and quiet" when I asked what made me weird they couldn't answer so I was left with massive self esteem issues.

For most of my late teens/twenties I took a fake it till you make it approach and became brash and loud but then would be filled with self loathing at my behaviour.

Late twenties, hated myself and thought why couldn't I be normal.

In my thirties I went back to being quiet and started to accept myself more.

Now late thirties, very nearly forty! Eeek! I had a course of hypnotherapy to stop negative thoughts about myself that has helped massively.

Through counselling over the years and hypnotherapy I've come to understand being quiet is not a bad thing and it helps that enjoying gardening/sewing are not considered abnormal hobbies for a person my age whereas when I was younger these were not acceptable hobbies and would be commented on

I was bullied in the U6 and sent to Coventry by the group I had previously socialised with. As a result my DS took charge of my social life and as a result I met my DH. After my last A level exam I got up and walked away. Never said goodbye or thank you to the staff and never kept in touch with anyone. I would like to add that staff rooms can be pretty toxic places too.

Primary and secondary were ok. But it seemed to be rife at my (forces) middle school. I was bullied in Y6 (1992), but I wasn't the worst affected. The bullies tended to be the sporty, academic pupils from high ranking parents- not the stereotypical deprived kids. So they were loved by the teachers. If anyone said anything back or fought back or defended themselves the teachers were quick to act then.
Also, it seemed commonplace at one of the further education colleges (verbal, psychological and threats) I went to in the late 90s. I was affected, but didn't get the worst of it. A lot of creepy behaviour from male tutors towards the girls. But that's another story. Tutors only seemed interested in the more successful students and didn't care about those struggling.
I suppose I am defensive, cynical and bitter because of it.

I was bullied all the way through secondary school. I still struggle with friendships, I can't believe anyone actually likes me. I'm scared to speak up much in public. My self confidence is not good. I'm now 52 so the was 40 years ago.

Yep, bullied a lot. I skipped school/failed my exams cause I couldn't cope with it too. So it's left it'd mark in many ways. I still suffer low self esteem and find many things difficult. Don't have many friendships and I still feel like I'm not part any cliques etc

Yes, for being flat chested! General embarrassment and comments, in and on.

But worse than that by my best friend when a new girl started. We became a ‘three’ then they pushed me out.
They did some awful things - bought me horrible birthday presents ( one a very cheap and very nasty washbag from a local chemists, the type of washbag my grannie would have chosen, the type that had been left too long in the shop window, so long it had faded!). I had to open it in front of them and others - I pretended it was perfect, they inferred there were lots of good things inside and laughed as I emptied the tissue paper out, to find nothing). They invited me places and didn't show. They planned events and only told me afterwards. They made up stories about my mum. They were so critical of everything I did. It was miserable.

What did I do? Made a deliberate decision to end my friendship with them both, I found new friends and made an effort to plan great things for us to do together.

The girl that was my best friend, actually we caught up in sixth form and became friends again for a year before we went off to uni. We were each others bridesmaids and as we ended up living in different parts of the UK holidayed together abroad. We are still in touch.

Yes and still has a big impact on me and I feel pathetic that it's does don't know why I still let it effect my life as an adult

Yes. I always assume people don’t want to talk to me or stay in touch with me. I probably come off as quite standoffish. Social things make me really really anxious.

I hate that it still affects my life so much.

Like @GreenhouseGarden , i find it hard to believe that someone wants to speak to me, likrs me, etc

Yes every day. It massively damaged my self esteem and I think that it's directly contributed to some difficulties I've experienced in getting promoted, being assertive in relationships etc.

Oh absolutely. My self esteem has always been rock bottom and I am terrified of confrontation.