House is still a shithole. Pic included

[Shithole101]

A few weeks or so back I posted pics of bedrooms in my house. They were a shithole. Me/kids have managed to keep the bedrooms tidy /reasonable.

But my stairs and living room are a mess. I could probably have it all sorted in a couple of hours. But it feels like the end of the world. I feel so drained. And even when i do start doing it something really silly can happen then I feel like giving up.

Or like a few weeks back I started feeling really positive. And got loads done . But after that period of positive cleaning. I won't get that feeling back for a while and just stop.

It should be really simple but it does not feel like it.

I only get a bath /shower once a week sometimes less. I could smell myself earlier and all I did was use baby wipes under my arms and a bit of deodorant.

Anyway I have added photos again . To Shame myself into actually cleaning up .

Wait I think I misread! You mean you haven't had a night out in years? Sorry! I totally misread..

This is not that messy for a household of kids.

One hour of speed tossing into three piles - washing, rubbish and other will make a huge difference.
That done, set the washing machine going, throw the rubbish in the bin and decide whether to keep (and where) the other stuff in the box. The kids should be helping for the hour.
Do the one hour speed clean every three days.

Going forward - train your kids to put rubbish in the bin and train them to put their clothes in the washing basket.

Been there. Not helped by Ex, who wouldn't do a hand's turn, so DC didn't see why they should if he didn't. (They did much more than he did, though, especially when they were older teens and wanted friends over.)

I went on housework strike during the period of my divorce. I cleaned the sink, and the fridge, and 2 of our 4 bathrooms/toilets. Nobody else did anything much.

I basically just made sure the place was hygienic. It was rather grubby by the time Ex moved out. It took me a while to get it good enough to sell, because I did it v-e-r-y very slowly, in case I accidentally went into overdrive and burnt out (see below). Flylady is good - I didn't exactly use her system, however it helped me tweak what I did do to fit in with how I am.

I've always found it difficult to keep on top of the housework - blitz and burnout was my "strategy". And while Ex was upstairs playing endless computer games, I didn't feel like doing any housework! I am nobody's skivvy!

As usual, I find plenty of helps.

Do you kids want to have friends over? What if you invited someone over in a couple of weeks? Might that force you to tidy up? (You could always cancel if it didn't work)
I'd find myself really on edge if my house was like that. I'd feel unsettled and uncomfortable and I'm by no means a neat freak.

Are you sure you can't hire someone? Would it be possible to hire someone form out of town? What about friends or family? Are you absolutely sure you can't ask for help.

If I was your friend I'd be pleased to help.

Omg you sound exactly like me abd your house looks exactly like mine I got abit freaked out when I saw the pics thinking my sis wrote this post as a prank! I always refer to my house as a shithole too LOL.

It’s ok just take each day as it comes and do what you can. I need to get the children to help out more. I have 5 under 7! Including an exclusively bf baby so I am just totally drained. Also a friend gave some great advice said always remember your house will always be at 50percent tidy and so just accept that it won’t be at 100 for a while si I just accepted that and feel ok so long as there’s no actual shit anywhere we are good!

Oh, OP i think you're thinking things are worse than they are! I saw your previous pics and the difference between them and these ones is enormous!

You don't realise what you've achieved!

You've done all the hard graft and this is just normal everyday mess.
I hope you can see the difference between now and before!??

We all have 'mess' to clear up day to day - and this is what your pic shows.
Honestly, a quick hoover and a quick tidy round is all that's needed. You're honestly doing great if this is as bad as it's got!

Be kinder to yourself - you don't have to be perfect. Do what the rest of us do and just do enough to stay afloat!

And if you feel that you're struggling mentally and emotionally, then see your GP and ask for help - there's no shame in it. Sometimes, we all need a helping hand x

It's really hard when people don't "get it" isn't it. What seems like such a little thing for one person is like another person climbing Mount Everest without an oxygen mask.

I read your previous post OP and think you’ve done well too.

I’m struggling to de clutter at the moment, so when I have a busy day, or a day I don’t feel like it, I just ask myself to deal with five things, generally I try and throw five things away, but sometimes I make myself put five things away, I also now try and take something and put it right where is should be, so a coat I don’t wear a lot which is downstairs goes upstairs and into my wardrobe and not chucked on the chair in my bedroom, thus needing to be dealt with again.
💐💐

Empathy not your strong point?

Hi Op, I remember your other thread. You did great that time!

One small practical thing here; you seem to have a shoe problem. Shoes everywhere.

Where are shoes meant to live? Do you have a convenient shoe rack and is it big enough?

Took me a couple of years to solve this, now we have a big shoe rack where we normally come in and 'shoes on the rack' is something the kids have to do before they enter the house.

I don’t know what you have planned for this weekend and I know this might be hard but I would make a to do list, one for me and one for the house.

My list might have things like shower, make dentist/doctors appointments, go for a walk , do yoga, get haircut on it - anything that I need to do for myself including self care, even reading quietly or watching a favourite movie

The second list will be for the house and the third for the DC. Then I would get the DC distracted or tidying their rooms and put some energetic music on and crack on with the house list and then finish off with some self care of whatever you feel would help.

I think you should also get more support, preferably in real life but even regularly posting online is better than nothing.

I think this is very realistic of many homes at one point or another. If you had a call to say someone was trying up in 30 mins and you had to do a tidy in that time, do you think it would look better? I do.

Honestly OP I've seen far worse. You could majorly improve that in 15 minutes. Pick up the stuff on the floor and surfaces, bin the rubbish, put the non-rubbish on shelves or in a cupboard and run the hoover around. It was look 10x better and way less intimidating.

I grew up in a house with far too much. Not rubbish, just too much stuff. My dad was born and raised in Iraq and although his family were quite wealthy, supply chains were constantly interrupted by war and sanctions. They often had money but couldn't buy anything with it because there was nothing in shops. My grandparents' answer to this was to stockpile. And stockpile. When my dad grew up, he became an engineer, and I swear to God my childhood house had every wire, part, plug, blub, and battery the human species has ever invented.Meanwhile, my Mum grew up with almost nothing, and wanted her house to be "homely": which to her meant ornaments, cushions, blankets, clocks, pictures, etc. So although the house was clean, there were simply too many things in it to ever really be tidy.

As a result I've become a minimalist. If I don't use it, I don't have it. When I'm not using something, it goes away. If I don't keep this up, I end up stressed out and exhausting myself with a massive 'blitz clean' (then collapsing and vowing to never do it again). So I've forced myself into daily habits to maintain my space. You need to break the association of cleaning with a massive exhausting task by doing small bits as you go.

Did you read the op or are you just nasty for the sake of it?

I too think you need to see the GP op. My son lives alone and suffers from anxiety, depression and PTSD and he never showers or cleans. I go and help him and can occasionally make him come to ours for a shower but not often as it's how his illness makes him behave. He is on tablets but I think he has now got into this mindset that means he just doesn't try. Please seek help soon 💐

I don't really have to much advice as I cast my eye around my place, which is a lot worse but I am just offering some sympathy as well

I can never invite anyone around because it gets so bad

Have a look at pathological demand avoidance.

The most daily tasks cause crippling anxiety and it's easier to ignore than deal with. Including basic hygiene. It's hard work to get in the shower then have to think about drying your hair, clean clothes etc.

Do you open your post OP? Might sound random but you'll know what I mean if it resonates.

Make like Nike and just do it 🙂

The time taken to post on Mumsnet, you could have done the stairs. Not a big job.

Lounge isn't that bad.

Thank you for this link and @Hugglethatmuggle for the suggestion.

I also get overwhelmed these days. I live with a chronically ill DH, and adult DD with Asperger's syndrome, three hairy, shady, dusty dogs and two bar-stewarding cats!

Everything seems to fall on me (DH and DD will do things, but need detailed lists because neither of them can even see squalor). It wears me out just putting lists jobs together for them!

TBH it was covid/ lockdown that did for my energy - I think it hit a lot of people and aged them more they should have. I'm mildly autistic myself, and I like my routines, (and yes - I like lists, too, but find them oppressive to do for others),

Our house is also just full of "stuff" and it looks dreadfully unwelcoming and inhospitable. I've been trawling online for ways to make a home look cosy without breaking the bank. This last two years has been dreadfully expensive - had to replace vacuum, fridge-freezer, have cooker repaired (twice - different things) and washing machine and our car is on its last legs wheels, and had a huge vet bill for one of the poor dogs. (This last wasn't as bad as it might've been, because although she wasn't insured, we had been putting money away in a pets' account each month, but it cleared it all out plus more.). In addition DH and I have had health problems and seem to live at one hospital department or another these days.

I also think @Shithole101 could be depressed, as I suffer from depression and have done for years, and the sheer hopelessness just saps your spirit.

Anyway - sorry to derail, and thank you to those of you who made it through my whinge.

Just thanks once again to the two posters above, and also urge OP to see her GP about possible depression. It really saps the spirit, and unless people have suffered it themselves, many feel that you should just "pull yourself together". (Spoiler alert - you can't)

Sertraline is a game changer for me op…do talk to your gp please.
if you live near me i would love to pop in and get it sorted, as sad as it sounds i love cleaning😂

Thank you for this link - I'll have a look at it when I get the chance.

Do you know @Shithole101 - I'll bet you have helped so many others with your post - many feel similar to you, and others have posted really useful advice and links

Knowing you aren't alone is such. comfort (even though you wouldn't wish it on anyone), and having some sort of link to follow for practical suggestions is really helpful. Thank you for having the courage to start the thread.

How old are the children? DD is a little mess maker, you should see her toy room right now! What I’ve started doing is telling her I don’t have time to play as I have to tidy, I’ve also told her she has to clean up and put one toy away before getting another out and that anything not put away (I’ll as her to first) will go in the recycling.

You have to carry it out though, don’t just threaten. DD is almost 8, so understands she’s making a mess, and needs to tidy it.

As other posters have stated if you are struggling mentally see a G.P. On the face of it the photos you’ve posted aren’t that bad and wouldn’t take long to tidy and you just need to get in the shower, you’ll feel so much better.
I can see it’s probably not that easy for you though. I hope the more helpful replies have helped you.

OP I WROTE THIS BEFORE I READ YOUR WHOLE THREAD BUT IN CASE THERE’S PEOPLE WHO ARE AT A LOSS CLEANING WISE WILL STILL POST BUT MY ONLY ACTUAL ADVICE FOR YOU IS SIMPLY HUGS and take care xxxx

Tricks to get myself to get things done:

1. count as picking stuff up, so pick up ten things
2. decide on ordering what to pick up eg all sweet wrappers, all socks, all toys
3. walk out of room after picking up some stuff then walking back in as nothing seems cleaner until you’ve left it
4. on the steps I’d be going step by step.
5. sometimes I time myself/put on the mission impossible theme song (yes I know!)

Op we’ve all been there, especially when you’ve cleaned one place and then see the next room is as bad as the original and it feels like everyone else has a cleaner house and is finding this ok. They aren’t- some are but they’ve different responsibilities and they’re just different people. Big hugs op, make a bit of time for yourself this weekend and if you can and haven’t rtft but talk to people in your house about helping (I have 4 sons and hugs if you have to do as I do and constantly be at people)

I didn't notice @Cheekygirl30713 's post - what a horrible thing for her to say.

You should be ashamed @Cheekygirl30713 .

Most stupid and irrelevant comment ever.

Could you try the Flylady tip - set a timer to 15 minutes and only spend 15 minutes at a time cleaning? Do what you can in those 15 minutes. You could do another 15 minutes later in the day.

Sometimes what is off-putting is the idea that you'll be stuck at it for the whole day, and you think itball has to be done perfectly and thoroughly. But break it down into 15 minute bursts and you might find yourself actually itching to get more done.