House is still a shithole. Pic included

[Shithole101]

A few weeks or so back I posted pics of bedrooms in my house. They were a shithole. Me/kids have managed to keep the bedrooms tidy /reasonable.

But my stairs and living room are a mess. I could probably have it all sorted in a couple of hours. But it feels like the end of the world. I feel so drained. And even when i do start doing it something really silly can happen then I feel like giving up.

Or like a few weeks back I started feeling really positive. And got loads done . But after that period of positive cleaning. I won't get that feeling back for a while and just stop.

It should be really simple but it does not feel like it.

I only get a bath /shower once a week sometimes less. I could smell myself earlier and all I did was use baby wipes under my arms and a bit of deodorant.

Anyway I have added photos again . To Shame myself into actually cleaning up .

Sorry I was on the phone. I'm going to try and reply as a whole.

I can't/don't want to ask my kids to help . The younger ones have been trying to keep their bedrooms ticking over.

Reason for this is it really stresses me out. I just want to be left alone on my own no one bugging me. I don't want to hear but mum this. Mum that , mum what shall I do with . Mum bla bla bla. It just drains me so so much.

The mess on the stairs is from my dog pulling crap out and chewing /wrapping things up on the stairs.

The 10-15 Min thing won't work for me . Because it's to little . It could work once I'm on top of things to keep it ticking over.

Cleaner is a massive no . I do not want anyone in my house.

Logically I know it's not really bad. I have been much worse than this. But it feels bad.

Depression I don't think so. I just feel very very drained. I think possibly I'm physically and mentally exhausted. But not actual Depression. I think situations have made me feel mentally drained. Things are starting to get better. But I'm kind of not believing it yet. Or maybe it's the automatic pilot /adrenaline slowing down because things are getting better so my barriers are coming down a bit. So feelings are coming to the service a bit . I can't explain it 😔

OP, I have a different idea than focusing on the house.....why not start with YOU? What made you feel good last time to begin with, that caused the knock on effect that you then had energy to clean? Why are you neglecting YOU? Is it all too much? Try to do one extra thing a day to fulfill YOU. Before you think about cleaning, have a bath. Make sure the bathroom is however you like it, and just have a bath. You come first, stop guilt tripping yourself. The reason why you don't pay attention to your own self care, is because you are beating yourself up that you aren't doing enough around the house/for the kids, this beating yourself up in turn makes you more depressed and lethargic, so you can do even less, then beat yourself up more. Talk about vicious circle. Stop shaming yourself, and get YOU sorted first. Take the pressure off yourself. Figure out the main cause of your feeling down and work on removing it at the source if you can. Research free self referral NHS talking therapies in your area.Let the kids know when they finish something, put it in the bin. When they take their shoes off, put them in the shoe place. Let them help you, take responsibility for their own mess, and understand that you are feeling a bit down and need their support a bit to keep everything nice, so you can all have a nice happy clean family home. There isn't anything wrong with this - we aren't robots we are human! Children actually are happier when they are contributing to their family in little ways, mothers are not slaves to be forced to do everything alone, even when it's too much for her, and children will benefit from learning this about mothers and women early on.Explaining to your children will make them more caring, more responsible, more in touch with themselves, and more able to reach out and open up when they are older. Finally, dont listen to people who judge you, tell you " its easy" or " its a 10 minute job" , or who tell you to pull yourself together. Such people have never been where you are right now - dont let them make you feel guilty or ashamed or useless. Sending a hug!

Get your kids to clean it? Unless they're babies

That's the first thing that crossed my mind. When I get depressed, I don't even brush my teeth.

OP, try to see your GP and also look online for any kind of direct access therapies in your area.

Considering the time of year, you might also be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder. Go outside around noon for at least thirty minutes daily, even if just to stand under an umbrella glaring at the rain. Daylight helps with SAD.

If only it was that simple .

I remember your post OP

Well done for keeping up with the bedrooms. Please don't try to use shame as a motivator - it generally just comes back to bite you, not so helpful. Try to focus instead on what you've done - what's worked in the past? Go back and do that again. Trying to reinvent the wheel and make up the new, best, THIS is the plan that's going to be the one that works forever - this just wastes energy. You have had success before so just go back to that method. It seems too simple but it's true.

And where there are issues, try thinking about the barriers - what is in the way? And then you can try to break those down.

I really struggle with maintaining habits and routines due to ADHD. This podcast has been really helpful to me. I just throw it on randomly and I try to tidy up while I listen to it. You can go back to the start, start at the end and work backwards, or just pick one randomly where the title speaks to you. You're right that it's a combination of a small amount each day and a bit more of a focused clean when you have the energy/motivation.

https://www.aslobcomesclean.com/category/podcasts/

There is also a really nice book that a lot of people recommend called How To Keep House While Drowning, which is a really kind, helpful, empathetic guide both to maintaining basic habits when in the grip of anything hard - whether it's depression, stress, generally not being good at stuff, and also to being kind to yourself through that.

two crates/or baskets.
One says bin. The other says put away.
Do one step of the stairs at a time. (With a nice cheerful funny podcast in your ears so its not completely boring for you)

Don't feel bad about it. You have a very busy life and that Doggo of yours is a little fiend.

This is the hardest area. Its probably draining because its relentless. The trouble with housework is that it never stays done. and that sometimes makes it feel futile and like its too big a mountain to climb.

But there's good advice on this thread and even if you just do a tiny little bit, it will make you feel better. These things always feel like they might take forever but its surprising how its quicker than you think.

Try dividing the area up into 2 metre chunks in your head and then work your way around them.

Dont despair, yu will get there

OP, I mean this as gently as possible but I do think you need help in some way with your MH.

Things that stood out to me from your posts were:

unless your dog is a puppy - and you are training them so it will end - then your dog is untrained. Dogs shouldn't be pulling stuff out and chewing and leaving it on the stairs.

You not wanting anyone in your house raises a flag for me - sorry. But really not wanting help is often an indicator of needing help.

You feel very very drained.

You said "I just want to be left alone on my own no one bugging me. I don't want to hear but mum this. Mum that , mum what shall I do with . Mum bla bla bla. It just drains me so so much."

so many of us feel like that when rearing children but I think it is affecting your life.

Honestly OP, I could clean up your house in about 4 hours - it really isn't that bad.. But I think you need help with other stuff especially with your own contentment and happiness.

I know what you mean about the kids. Is there a way to get them out of the house for a while day?

I would have a nice long shower, coffee, croissant, get dressed, open all the windows, then put on music and get started.

Thank you. Yeah the bedrooms are not bad. It was putting my shaming photos that pushed me to do it last time which. Is why I have done it this time.

Stupid things stop me. Some of its not even logic . I think 9ne if this things is feeling sp drained. I don't have the energy to deal with anything.

Then stupid things like the bins being to full and no where to put my rubbish .

This really resonates with me. When I’m stressed or overwhelmed I can’t think straight to tidy. The only way I can tackle it is to go room by room, shove everything in a bag that doesn’t live in that room and then shove the bag of random bits under the stairs. I then unpack the bag of stuff when I’m feeling less overwhelmed.

You need a big fuck off broom to sweep it all into a pile and then have a ‘keep’, ‘bin’ and ‘charity’ pile. Then when that’s done it’ll make cleaning easier.

I do that sometimes. It's really basic and works. But I'm Just being a dick at the moment

This isn't a normal way to live

was going to say OP, previous poster recommended FlyLady, and that saved my life when I moved into a house with two small children. It had no wardrobes or shelving. I had no idea where to start. but it is all about breaking it into small steps.

I don't know if this will work for you but my horrible bleachy chemically cleaners which used to make me cough and really hurt my throat... and bought some of those nice cleaning things by companies like Purdy & Figg, or Neat, which smell so nice I actually want to use them, seem to keep things cleaner, and don't make me cough. They are often on intro deals so you can pick them up a bit cheaper.

I've reported your spiteful post

That isn't helpful either is it?

With small jobs, what I find works for me is getting up every commercial break when I’m watching television and doing something - put today’s clothes in the laundry, get tomorrow’s clothes ready, get something out of the freezer for tomorrow’s dinner, you could feed a pet, fill a dishwasher if you have one…..or if you need a little longer than a break you could pause you programme but you still feel as if you’re in the middle of something enjoyable that you can go back to when you have done whatever needs doing.

Op I have autism, and struggle with executive function, it's common with ADHD too and a lot of adult women don't realise they struggle with ADHD because they're not hyperactive.

It's common though to be able to clean your entire house like a madwoman and then not be able to clean for weeks or months because there is just no fuel in the motivation tank and not enough dopamine to regulate with.

If you're not depressed and you've struggled to form these habits throughout your life, and it got worse when you had kids and had to start managing their executive function because they've got underdeveloped brains and rely on you as an adult, then I would consider an assessment.

There are supplements you can get OTC, that really do help. Take a few weeks to make a difference, but it's worth it.

I'd recommend looking into supplements to support your mental health with any way even if you think ADHD couldn't possibly fit the explanation for how you're struggling, but shaming yourself isn't going to motivate you.

What I am noticing though from your responses is that you're good at pointing out the problems but you're not enthusiastically welcoming people's solutions or coming up with many of your own though, and even though you don't feel depressed, it is a sign of depression and/or burn out and it's worth speaking to a doctor about.

Life is hard, kids are hard, work is hard, accepting help is hard.

Make adjustments for yourself.

I don't like people in my house because I feel vulnerable at the moment and I put barriers up . As much as I say things on mn . I don't in my real life .

Like earlier couple of messages from people I know . I said I felt drained and tired the reply was yeah uiu have the school rins to do have to be up early. They were not bring nasty. But in my head I'm thinking you really think this is about the school run.

I have not been out for years . Due to my children having special needs/mental heath issues. And other stuff going on. Them friend saus surely you can go out firva couple of hours... no I can't I really can't. Then I feel like no one gets it . So my barriers go up again.

It sounds like you have a very low mood at the moment. Have you spoken to you GP about how you feel?

In the meantime this 'Gentle to-do list for bad days' might be helpful. She has loads of other great resources.

www.facebook.com/108953237256206/posts/492853975532795/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v

No shit sherlock

Thank you . Don't worry though I don't actually care 💐

You haven't left your house for years? Did I read that correctly?

Do you have social service supports for you and your kids?

Do your kids leave the house?