House is still a shithole. Pic included

[Shithole101]

A few weeks or so back I posted pics of bedrooms in my house. They were a shithole. Me/kids have managed to keep the bedrooms tidy /reasonable.

But my stairs and living room are a mess. I could probably have it all sorted in a couple of hours. But it feels like the end of the world. I feel so drained. And even when i do start doing it something really silly can happen then I feel like giving up.

Or like a few weeks back I started feeling really positive. And got loads done . But after that period of positive cleaning. I won't get that feeling back for a while and just stop.

It should be really simple but it does not feel like it.

I only get a bath /shower once a week sometimes less. I could smell myself earlier and all I did was use baby wipes under my arms and a bit of deodorant.

Anyway I have added photos again . To Shame myself into actually cleaning up .

You can break a task down smaller click the wand again 😊

Some really good advice here. I too get overwhelmed with exhaustion sometimes and just don't know where to start.

Hi @Shithole101
Not sure how many people are living with you but if you set a timer for
5 x number of people, that’s a good amount of cleaning done all in one go.

Give everybody something to put their own stuff in and take to where it lives.
Everything else that is rubbish, grab a bin bag and clear that up afterwards.
Then if you still feel up to it, do a quick hoover.

Just doing that for 15/20 mins will make a huge difference and take away a little guilt/worry/stress etc.

If you are feeling depressed & overwhelmed, by doing just a few minutes each day, you’ll start to see big changes. Once you’re on top of the house, maybe give each person their own container downstairs to bung stuff in that needs putting away.

There is a lovely mum on YouTube called ‘The Minimal Mom’ (Dawn).
She has 4 kids and used to let clutter and housework get on top of her. She changed all that and now lives a very peaceful life with very little stuff. The secret was to declutter the massive inventory that she was failing to manage and then didn’t buy carry on bringing in more stuff unless she absolutely needed it. The smaller your inventory, the easier everything is to manage. Obviously if someone is depressed, decluttering isn’t going to cure the depression but it will massively help & and it won’t be something else to add to the depression.

Her videos on how she changed are really inspiring and she really helped me to change my way of living.

Yes it can be overwhelming but you can only eat an elephant but cutting it into small pieces first. Tackle or room by room and give yourself one or two days to work your way around, then try to keep on top of it.

Have ‘family rules’ so toys get out away, nothing is left lying around, etc. It’s not your job to be chief skivvy.

I've not read every post so sorry if I miss something, but I'd say the most important thing to address is the stairs, and this is very doable. The big plus is that your house looks really nice. The stairs should be a fairly straightforward job of binning then hoovering.

As PPs have said you could have depression or ADHD.

My mum has ADHD and struggles to remember to brush her teeth even.

I have potential ADHD and find it really hard to do normal tasks.
I write myself a list for every day and set reminders on my phone.

The biggest thing that has helped me is to not overdo it.
If I say I’m going to do 10 things that day, chances are I’ll get none done.
If I plan to just do 1 or 2 tasks, then it’s much easier to achieve.

Its a vicious cycle because the more tasks you have to do, the more you try and get done but the more you get overwhelmed and the less likely you are to do any of them.

Write a to-do list for everyday.
For example:
Saturday - shower in the morning, clean rubbish off the stairs, wash uniforms.
Sunday - bath the kids, sort school bags out, put rubbish from front room in bin bags.

I think you should congratulate yourself in having sorted the bedrooms and kept them quite tidy. That's a huge step. Maybe try the stairs tomorrow. And take time to celebrate how well you did. You don't have to solve it all at once.

OP, what is all that trash??? Just get a massive garbage bag and BIN IT ALL.

Listening to your words, I think the state of your home is a distraction/excuse.

And I don't mean that in a bad way. I think you need someone to talk to and I think you need to reach out for help. I don't know the avenues for this, but hopéfully others do.

That said, I think you already know this and maybe your message is a cry for help. If so, I hope someone more useful answers.

Based on the pictures you posted, those rooms could be tidied within an hour by someone who wanted to, But for goodness sake hide those chrimbo pressies!

Good luck!

You got this! I'm envious that you have Xmas gifts sorted and wrapped by the way. You'll be OK. You have a roof over your heads and your kids have food in their tummies. That's a good place to start. Tomorrow have a shower. That's all you have to do for tomorrow. Baby steps x

What sort of Hoover do you have OP? I used to find lugging a massive Henry hoover around overwhelming but with a handheld one I have a quick whizz around most days. Even a dustpan and brush helps.

Instead of trying to Shane yourself on the internet op,I think you need to be open with your gp and get some help for where you're at right now

I also have lists. Not massive overwhelming lists that I'll ignore but breaking down the core tasks over the week eg Mon - Dust Weds - Mop Fri - bedding Sunday -Bathrooms.

Perhaps have a zero tolerance to anything on the stairs ever and tell the kids this.

It is a tripping hazard and the small things could hurt your feet and cause falling.

My house is no show home but I never allow anything on the stairs.

Reading this thread makes me warm and fuzzy, this is why I love MN, camraderie and some lovely people on here @Night409 that's a really lovely comment to the OP xx

It's clever isn't it, I use it alot and have recommend it to people it even gives you a giggle now and then even breaks down random things like how to make pizza or how to rob a bank ect although maybe don't do that haha.

DD has ASD/ADHD. Keeping her room in a decent shape is a huge battle.

We currenlty try the "30 minute"approach, she sets her alarm for 30 minutes and does what she can. Often she does more than she thinks she can.

For her the idea of "tidy up" is pointless, she need specific instructions or a specific timeframe. "Tidy your desk" is not good, "put your stationary away" is the way to go.

Stairs are a safety issue, try these first, than to bit by bit, room by room, don't push yourself in trying too much, try small amounts and go forward.

The goal is to ensure it won't happen again, it will take time but it will happen.

Who is to say they’re for the kids? They could be for wider family.

I think it’s clear the OP is depressed - why give her another thing to worry about?

For your children's sake, if not for your own, please contact your gp and ask for help. Not washing yourself regularly is not good.

Give yourself a little list to do every day without any thought, just get up and do like have a shower, throw things on the steps away, 5 mins outside for fresh air.
i find a list of 3 little things helps me when I fall out of sync. Also there are a few shoes and bits lying around - who do these belong to? Remind others to tidy up after themselves so you’re not doing it all.

Seconded the poster who mentioned Fly Lady.

Hi OP. I've attached a link for Diane from Denmark who basically practices/teaches Fly lady on You tube after struggling to maintain her home. It's all really manageable. As said, previously, it starts with shining a sink, which I know sounds crazy, but if you are able to try it, I think you'd really get results. Self care is also included. She also has practical tips such if you are struggling with energy for whatever reason, maybe just do 2 minutes or 5 minutes at the top of each hour and then go back to bed for the other 55 minutes.

She's really calm and not overwhelming ... I think the mantra is that your house didn't get messy in a day so it won't get clean in a day, and to be gentle on yourself. Good luck. ❤

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Also don’t punish yourself by trying to shame yourself into action. Instead, see this a step towards getting things back on track and that is progress.

I’ve got depression and that’s my living room!
Bits of nonsense and crap everywhere.

Get all the shit in a pile in one room, bin bag in hand go through every single bit and see what’s worth keeping (aka a toy) or what’s rubbish, bin the not needed stuff then hoover round.

No judgement from me ❤️ it gets so overwhelming sometimes

Not washing yourself and leaving rubbish on the floor/stairs etc is imo an indicator of something going on with you OP - I suspect depression. It can absolutely numb you into inaction in the face of stuff that is obvious to do (have a shower! Pick up the rubbish!)

If everything was fine, I'd say to you to get a binbag and go around and pick up the rubbish. maybe even make a game of it with the kids. Then hoover. Then wash floors. Then make a rule that first thing every morning you go straight into the shower. Have a place for everything and do a sweep every night before you go to bed. Your house is lovely underneath the stuff - lovely floors, walls, paint, built-ins.

But I don't think everything is fine. I think you need help and should go to your GP. That stairs is a hazard - a real one - you don't want to trip on the stairs. You really should try to reach out and get help.

That said ... my two best friends' houses would look like that if they didn't have cleaners/housekeepers. One of them has depression (medicated and doing great) and adhd - a weekly cleaner keeps things at bay. The other isn't depressed or anything. lives in a beautiful house but simply doesn't see clutter/dirt/rubbish/disfunction in her house. She has a weekly housekeeper and so things are ok. even then ...

My daughters room was the first thing to prompt us into looking at ADHD diagnosis for her - she was clutter blind.
Im a little untidy but some things I have found to help:

one small basket upstairs, one downstairs. Both filled with cleaning cloths, spray, toilet tablets/cleaner and air freshener.
before bed every night - very quick cleaning spray and wipe in each room, toilet tablets down the toilets and a quick air freshener spray. Quick wipe over kitchen surfaces etc. get into the habit of putting a wash on before bed (on a timer so it’s ready to be swapped over when you get up), it only takes a couple of weeks for something to then become a habit. Once the house is back to how you want it, it should only take a little bit of work each day.

go from room to room with two baskets - one for things to keep, the other for rubbish. Instruct DCs to remove their belongings from the basket or it will get binned.