Page 20 | House is still a shithole. Pic included

Shithole101 · 2023-11-17T21:51:53+00:00

A few weeks or so back I posted pics of bedrooms in my house. They were a shithole. Me/kids have managed to keep the bedrooms tidy /reasonable. But my stairs and living room are a mess. I could probably have it all sorted in a couple of hours. But it feels like the end of the world. I feel so drained. And even when i do start doing it something really silly can happen then I feel like giving up. Or like a few weeks back I started feeling really positive. And got loads done . But after that period of positive cleaning. I won't get that feeling back for a while and just stop. It should be really simple but it does not feel like it. I only get a bath /shower once a week sometimes less. I could smell myself earlier and all I did was use baby wipes under my arms and a bit of deodorant. Anyway I have added photos again . To Shame myself into actually cleaning up .

ilovemyspace · 19/11/2023 23:04

OP, maybe start off small and set aside just 15 minutes of 'Me Time' where you don't have to think about anything else or anybody else.
Whether this is having a cup of tea in bed in the morning before you start the day, or at lunchtime where you sit with a magazine /read a bit of a book, or when you get in from work or just sit and do nothing if that's what you want.
It doesn't matter when you do it, but promise yourself those 15 minutes every single day to just breathe and have a little oasis of calm.

And then, in time, maybe you can start to think of things you'd like to do that make you happy - watch a film, have a special coffee. paint your nails, ring a friend.

It's little steps at first - but try and put yourself first at least once every day

Original poster

Shithole101 · 19/11/2023 23:12

ilovemyspace · 19/11/2023 23:04

OP, maybe start off small and set aside just 15 minutes of 'Me Time' where you don't have to think about anything else or anybody else.
Whether this is having a cup of tea in bed in the morning before you start the day, or at lunchtime where you sit with a magazine /read a bit of a book, or when you get in from work or just sit and do nothing if that's what you want.
It doesn't matter when you do it, but promise yourself those 15 minutes every single day to just breathe and have a little oasis of calm.

And then, in time, maybe you can start to think of things you'd like to do that make you happy - watch a film, have a special coffee. paint your nails, ring a friend.

It's little steps at first - but try and put yourself first at least once every day

I get what your saying. It just feels hopeless because I can't even get a shower without there being some sort of issue. I will try though. Thank you

OP posts:

SequentialAnalyst · 19/11/2023 23:33

@captainjacksparrow seems to think she is OP's social worker. She is not.

Does she go round her friends' houses pointing out trip hazards?
Or trawl the Mental Health board posting helpful comments about the state of people's houses?

ilovemyspace · 19/11/2023 23:59

I get what your saying. It just feels hopeless because I can't even get a shower without there being some sort of issue. I will try though. Thank you,

Well, if it doesn't work the first day don't give up! It'll work eventually :)
Would it help if you had some sort of plan for the following day? Just one thing eg hoover round (or even plan to do nothing). It may help you feel more in control if you've decided what you're doing instead if just looking at everything and wondering where to start.
OP, my heart goes out to you! But, you CAN do it!! x

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 20/11/2023 01:08

Op when I was in the trenches of new born life and sleep deprivation I was gifted an instant pot pressure cooker thingymajig, and using it to cook one pot meals was a life saver.

I'm sure they could have been better quality, pasta a bit less soggy, meat a bit less flaky sometimes, but more often than not it was a life saver as it was cooked in one pot and washed in one pot.

Buying pre-chopped veggies from freezer shop just to throw in was also a life saver to make sure I was getting something green in the system. Freezer bag meats too.

This, and compostable paper plates for the compost bin were a life saver.

It sounds like your circumstances may be chronic illness mentally or physically or a mix of the 2.

Don't know if you're looking for solutions but I found this to be a big help for me personally.

Original poster

Shithole101 · 20/11/2023 01:12

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 20/11/2023 01:08

Op when I was in the trenches of new born life and sleep deprivation I was gifted an instant pot pressure cooker thingymajig, and using it to cook one pot meals was a life saver.

I'm sure they could have been better quality, pasta a bit less soggy, meat a bit less flaky sometimes, but more often than not it was a life saver as it was cooked in one pot and washed in one pot.

Buying pre-chopped veggies from freezer shop just to throw in was also a life saver to make sure I was getting something green in the system. Freezer bag meats too.

This, and compostable paper plates for the compost bin were a life saver.

It sounds like your circumstances may be chronic illness mentally or physically or a mix of the 2.

Don't know if you're looking for solutions but I found this to be a big help for me personally.

Thank you. I already have a preasure cooker
Have spread mafe must of the meals for this week

OP posts:

Pinkpinkpink15 · 20/11/2023 03:09

Aria999 · 18/11/2023 17:18

@Cinty6 I tried that for a bit (inspired by Marie Kondo) but I'm not very good at knowing. The problem with being a natural hoarder is that you have to force yourself to make tough choices and you can get it wrong.

I had massive regret about one or two things I sent to the charity shop but I couldn't get them back.

@Aria999

try listening to Dana K White's pod casts or watch her YouTubes.

she has an entirely different process and it takes the emotion out of 'deciding'

Pinkpinkpink15 · 20/11/2023 04:22

@Shithole101

its a shame some people can't just STFU. Being 'reticent' to post should have pause for thought, but obviously not.

you have more 'stuff' & stress going on in your life than most of us could handle, yet here you are absolutely bossing it.

No actual & decent SW/manager would have an issue with your house. As you well know due to the ones you've had/have in your life.

I'm sorry you felt it necessary to explain about your older DS & DD.

it's weird though, your 'before' photos show rooms that really don't look like long term neglect or major problems. The bedrooms in particular look 'post play date ' state!

the lounge was 'messy' but again looks like a quick tidy would soon sort it. You don't have hoarding level chaos.

an illness or 'situation' can easily make everything massively over whelming.

I understand you not wanting people in the house. But many of us would willing help you out without any judgement & without questioning you about how things 'got out of hand'. 'Don't let some judgemental people stop you letting other people help.

i hope your older DS is doing much better now & hope DD manages to get that bloke behind bars so she can relax a bit.

right, let's get YOUR thread back on a positive note (hopefully some posters can just keep their thoughts to themselves!! If not we can just ignore them!!)

it sounds like you have a busy week, but maybe you can commit to a 2/5/10 minute pick up each day, it doesn't seem like much, but it does help

Dana K White

'progress & only progress'

Better. (Not perfect, BETTER)

xx

MyNewGenericUsername · 20/11/2023 08:06

I'm not a SW but work in a related field, some of the points (particularly all added together) would be a 'cause for concern' for professionals (in fact most of the points are raised in the Graded Care Profile Tool).

But what a lot of professionals, including social workers, don't really pay enough attention to is the fact that some parents have extremely stressful lives that the majority of us would struggle to cope with. They also don't often understand the enormous stress and harm social work intervention can bring to families which have loving homes but difficult circumstances. I've seen it with my own eyes how families will be just getting by in less than ideal situations and social workers pile in and don't actually offer any practical help but do end up causing a lot of stress.

Ultimately, we can't really know the ins and outs of OPs situation, but it does sound as if it is extraordinarily stressful. Stressful situations with lack of support can lead to really bad outcomes for children. Unfortunately you have to shout very loud for any real help, which is difficult because the people who need the help most have the least time, money and energy to shout for it. Could your younger children's school offer play therapy for what sounds like a really traumatic DV situation and moving home? Are you still a carer for your older son with mental health problems - could you get a carer's assessment?

What support do you need to keep house relatively tidy, yourself clean and reduce the number of takeaways long term?

Thekidsarefightingagain · 20/11/2023 08:22

I have seen firsthand how very competent parents undergo intolerable stress over an extended period of time and things understandably slide. Of course it's going to. SWs unfortunately do sometimes judge things like state of the house, not offering support but only criticism which simply isn't helpful. And suddenly these very competent parents can find themselves accused of neglect. It's alarming how often this can happen and it can happen to anyone.

OP has posted on here for support and is being proactive. Surely this is a good sign and support and encouragement should be given. It's hard to understand what OP is going through unless you've been through it yourself.

Original poster

Shithole101 · 20/11/2023 08:29