House is still a shithole. Pic included

[Shithole101]

A few weeks or so back I posted pics of bedrooms in my house. They were a shithole. Me/kids have managed to keep the bedrooms tidy /reasonable.

But my stairs and living room are a mess. I could probably have it all sorted in a couple of hours. But it feels like the end of the world. I feel so drained. And even when i do start doing it something really silly can happen then I feel like giving up.

Or like a few weeks back I started feeling really positive. And got loads done . But after that period of positive cleaning. I won't get that feeling back for a while and just stop.

It should be really simple but it does not feel like it.

I only get a bath /shower once a week sometimes less. I could smell myself earlier and all I did was use baby wipes under my arms and a bit of deodorant.

Anyway I have added photos again . To Shame myself into actually cleaning up .

You don't get it. Added to the stress of the mess is the stress of wanting to clear it up and not being able to motivate yourself to do so. Then add the fear of being judged by some professional with high standards (and despite my previous post, most CPNs and social workers have very high standards), and it just makes matters worse.

Ah, well, apologies then because I misunderstood. I thought that you said you didn't want people coming into the house when others had suggested that.

And I did see the positive stuff and I can see that you're achieving a lot which is great. Just don't dismiss everything which is less positive (and which might seem critical). And prioritise the most essential maybe? Batch cooking is great (and I am no one to judge anyone because I sure haven't batch cooked anything this weekend and my kids have eaten plenty of sandwiches!) but maybe it's more essential tidy the stairs and make sure they're safe?

Maybe I don't get it, but then what's the answer? Because it doesn't seem like it's positive, whatever the reasons behind it!

I don't want people in my house . That does not mean people have not been in my house. It also does not mean I have to have people in my house

@captainjacksparrow excellent I'm sure your management will be delighted to discuss your over zealous hectoring of someone who's posted asking for help for some very minor mess on the stairs at your next supervision! Lmao

@Kirova I apologise for the tone of my post, though not for the content. I am certain that professionals such as the ones I mentioned are acting only with good intentions. And they do need to be - how shall I put it? - stable people. Which often means they cannot really understand what overwhelm or depression is.

Of course, they do do a lot of good work. Sometimes, though, what they think is best (or easy for the client to do) does not have the consequences everyone hopes for, and can actually make matters worse.

A bit of me wants to ask you not to do it. As this poster could be different in real life. But another part thinks does she put family's through hell. It might just be how she is on line but not in real life .

Are you saying your reporting the poster who is a social worker?
On what grounds??

Alot of social workers are fantastic, are supportive and positive they have helped adult dd and gs I can't really fault them. But it takes just one SW to take the wrong /bad approach and it can do alot of damage

Firstly, I am management so I am very clear on thresholds - minor mess on stairs that multiple posters have said is a hazard and should be prioritised.

the stairs are also arguably easier than a full kitchen clean up I would say.

I posted giving a different slant to others, with some reticence but I also made suggestions as to how you could seek support.

other posters have said they agree, go figure, not everyone exists in a vacuum

clearly you want a positive thread not an honest one. That’s fine and I wish you well

@FrancisSeaton jog on 😆

You need sacking

Based on what? Genuinely?

Suggesting you seek external support?

saying the stairs are a trip hazard?

saying you and your children need you to be feeling emotionally/physically better?

lol everyone in social care has a manager @captainjacksparrow
And I am very familiar with thresholds of need trust me- if you are trying to make anyone think some minor mess on the stairs would trigger concerns from children's services you need to try harder at being convincing

Your approach. If your really a sw and working with vulnerable people. Then your approach is disgusting.if your like that on the internet then god help families who have you in their life's. Your the reason people don't seek help.

I stood up for you on that last post because I was concerned something bad might happen for you at work in your real life. But o don't care now. All you have done is gas light. I just pray your not really a Sw

I 100% agree with you. It just worries me that it could put people of seeking help from social services

I don't see how @captainjacksparrow is hectoring or being disgusting - direct, maybe, hectoring, definitely not.

I don't think they're trying to get at you or make you feel bad, just trying to be constructive and point out areas of concern. I'm not in SW and not do I have anything to do with the field - I'm not even British and doubtless I don't understand the system as well as some - so I don't know what constitutes grounds for concern and what doesn't.

For the last time, I said it was the culmination of all the factors the op posted about that was concerning.

not just mess on the stairs. If you are familiar in any sense with thresholds of need you would understand cumulative neglect at least

@Shithole101 i have not gas lit you, I have given a different opinion. You don’t want to hear it and that’s fine.

I am bloody good at my job and have helped thousands of families, children and young people.

I really do wish you well and hope things work out for you.

if you dgs has a sw, maybe speak to them about how they can support you in supporting your dd, and addressing your own needs. Just a suggestion

She's said if a professional visited the house they would be very concerned. Which is absolutely untrue and shows very little insight into true neglect and squalor. The op herself has said professionals have seen her house even on bad day and haven't raised concerns- maybe because that level of mess is just not an issue?

So where are the other concerns coming from @captainjacksparrow ? Have the school raised concerns about children being unclean/smelling? Having dirty clothes? No lunch provided? Poor attendance? Have there been frequent a&e attendances due to lack of supervision or hazards around the home? As I'm really struggling to see

You don't think anyone would find this concerning, never mind a social worker?
And a social worker offering advice online is gaslighting ?
How can you gaslight someone over mess that actually exists?

Because I had no other choice. SS knew, saw and did nothing and I wasn’t nearly as self aware as the OP

Glad to hear you're not in that situation now.

Yeah, those stairs would make me nervous if they were mine. And I would do the stairs before any batch cooking. Disclaimer: I have a tiny freezer and never batch cook.

Everything was quite positive and going along nicely. Good things being achieved etc . So it made absolutely no sense for her to do bull in a China shop . The mood of the threat wad totally different till she came along she clearly did not read the room