Do you ask for your children's house key to be returned when they leave home?

[heartsinvisiblefury]

Me and my 3 siblings all left home in the late 90's at various ages from 18 to 20, some of us off to Uni, and others moved away with work. We were told we had to hand our house key (the key to our home) back to our parents and essentially we were on our own, not welcome back to live and only welcome back to stay if we gave at least a weeks notice.

Was this normal for that time? Or is this odd? I didn't really know any different so assumed it was what was done but now with my own adult children it has struck me as a really odd thing to do.

I can't imagine not making my children welcome. I also can't imagine stopping at my parents home and just letting myself in without giving them a heads up and checking if it suits first. They might have plans for the day and it's not my home anymore. They deserve their privacy. I wouldn't like it if my parents just walked into my home. I wouldn't just arrive at my child's home unannounced, so don't I deserve the same courtesy?

I much prefer my children to call and check it suits me first. Then I can tell them if I'll be home, organise to be home, or suggest a day when I can be home to see them. If they just showed up unannounced I'd be very worried that there was some kind of emergency.

All of us "kids" have a key to our parents home. Evebthough it's nott he home we grew up in. We're always welcome even unannounced or when they're away on holiday. but we do let them know/ask before visiting

My 2 have moved out ! Both have keys 🔑
Both of them let themselves in daily 😂
And they know there always welcome to come home if they needed to no problem it’s their home as well !
I just wanna say I’m so sorry u had these kinda parents nothing worse than feeling abandonment from the people who are your mum and dad ! I grew up with similar parents who just didn’t seem to really care that they actually had children I can’t see the point of having kids unless u know u gunna love them for life !
I was never gunna let my kids feel the feelings I’ve had growing up xxx

My children all have keys to my house even though two of them have their own homes and one works away and rents a room in a house share. One away at uni too. They’re always welcome here, even though I may not have a room for them forever, as I’m going to have to downsize at some point because I rent. They’ll always be welcome here and as I get older, it’s reassuring to know they can get in if ever I needed them.

No l always had a key.. would let myself in if visiting and my parents had gone out..
My children age 39 and 30 still have a key.. they live near by and know they are welcome any time.. luckily they do have a key when I've been ill etc.

Its nice that there are caring parents about, but some of these posts are a tad smug.

Not everyone has the space to have children to return to live for months or years. Some people live in tiny flats.

Not all adult children are trustworthy either. Some are just chaotic, some have “issues” with lifestyle eg. mental issues, drugs etc.

But there are parents who - for no reason whatsoever ie nice responsible adult children - kick their kids out young with the spoken or unspoken attitude you’re not welcome back. But such parents are usually horrible in other ways too. Sorry OP, I hear you, so unpleasant these kinds of parents.

@heartsinvisiblefury
I'm 40 own home with dp and one year old dd and I still have a key to my parents house, yes the bedrooms have all been done up ten times over from I and siblings have moved out but there's still beds in them if we ever need them.

I know, it's crazy! I don't know if the parents both work or not but imagine if they do, they really just kick her out every day, even when the baby was a newborn?! My 12yr old has had a key since she started secondary school, I couldn't imagine refusing to give her one

I've still got a key to my parents house and I left home about 1990, after graduating from university. I don't think my older two dd have a key to ours but that's just because we don't have many keys, if they wanted one I'd get one cut - both in their 30s. Ds is at uni and has a key. I don't think your parents behaviour was normal even for that time. I assume you don't visit often.

I’m 37 and still have a key to my parents home, they wouldn’t dream of taking it off me

I had keys to my parents house and grandparents house always, and our kids will always have keys to ours - I can’t imagine them ever not being welcome to come and go as they please.

I agree. I have a key for my parents house but I ring the bell.

I’d use my key if they were away, or if they are looking after my DS and I know they’re in the garden and won’t hear the doorbell etc.

Sorry OP, it sounds very difficult for you. Have you read the Stately Homes threads?

Very strange and sad OP. Even when my parents moved out of the family home they had a key cut for me for their new house and my in laws have also given me my own key to their house!

Not normal at all OP!

Moved out in my early 20s but still had a key and a room at my parents house. In fact I also used to call in/stay over sometimes and eventually moved back in for a couple of years. Mum has given me a key for her new house too, not that I need to use it very often as she’s always home - she too has a key for my house - though I’m in my 40s now so don’t go over to hers for sleepovers anymore!

My adult children have a key to our home, they both live away one recently moved to Australia and know they're always welcome home.

I feel so sad for those of you with cold, unloving parents. 😰

On a lighthearted note, one dd was back and forth a lot after 18, until she finally moved out for good in her 20s, but it was almost routine with her to forget to take a key when she was going to be very late back. So many times we had a call to ask for a key to be left under the doormat, which we really disliked doing (burglary risk) hence the endless, ‘Next time, take a key!’

She eventually had to learn the hard way after once coming home unexpectedly one afternoon (I was usually WFH) to find me out, when she was really desperate for a poo!

I don’t know what happened to my key. It think I probably gave it back when I had moved out properly. I always felt welcome though. They’ve moved since and I don’t have a key to where they are now but they would always make sure I could get in. Always felt welcome there too even though it was never my home.

Mine have never really had keys. It’s been rare that noones been here. But if we were there’s spares they could take. And if they wanted their own that would be fine.

My mother asked me hand back my key night before I left, it pretty much ruined our dinner and my last night was full of tears.

DH got to keep his key and still has it to this day, 15 years later.

My dd went to uni this year. I did ask her to leave her key at home as she didn’t need it at uni and didn’t want her to loose it. But it’s still hers and still here for when she comes home in the holidays. She can take it with her When she moves out properly as an adult and she knows she always has a home here.

I still have the key to my parents' house, even though they have both died and someone else lives there now! The new owners changed all the doors and windows before I could give the key back to them, so I've kept it as a souvenir.

My 25 year old DS still has a key even though he only comes home at Christmas and Easter, (lives 150 miles away and I visit him as I have more free time.)

My DSes don't have a key to their dad's house, though. Always made clear to them that they were visitors there, even when young teens, and they weren't to consider it their home.

That’s so sad.

my parents even cut an extra key for my husband so now him, me and my sister can let ourselves in whenever we fancy.

My daughters left home two years ago and as far as I know they still have their keys. One is moving back next week, with her boyfriend, and a baby on the way. I hope she still has one and can get one cut for her boyfriend.

We told our daughters they always have a home with us, but my parents never let me come back, even when I was desperate.

I'm 35 and my parents split when I was 17 I have a key to my mums and new partner and also a key to my dad's. Welcome when ever I want as are my children my daughter even has a key to my dad's. I find this very sad for you 😢 big hugs!

I had a key until my parents moved about five years after I left home. Obviously I had to give it back at that point, and there was no need for me to have one after that, it never occurred to me to ask. It might be getting to the point where I need one again now in case anything goes wrong and I need to get in and look after them.