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Original poster

Sent nudes then ghosted. Mortified. How to move on?

159 replies

Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 01:17

I can't believe I have been so stupid and I just feel so utterly sickened by my behaviour. I had a "situationship" for about 6 months which was mostly online; I ended up sending him videos and photos of myself. We met up once and it was nice but he lives miles away. Meeting up occasionally but texting daily worked for me as I have my DC living with me most of the time. Arranged to meet up a second time but he flaked on the morning because his "mum was in hospital". Talked a bit about meeting up in the future, but it kind if withered out. I messaged him on a different app wishing him happy birthday a month ago and it was left unopened. I whatsapped him today and asked why's he ghosted me, I miss him and the photos. Anyway he's promptly blocked me on WhatsApp I think, as his picture / avatar is gone - he'd had the same one for about 9 months. I feel absolutely dreadful; it was unconventional but it felt very respectful and just, well... Nice. I feel like an absolute tit (no pun intended). My face isn't in the videos but I am terrified they will end up on pornhub or something. More than that I just feel absolutely used and horrible. I had never sent photos, let alone videos to anyone before. He really seemed nice, I can't believe he has just ghosted me. Any advice (apart from avoid Tinder and don't send nudes, haha!?). Sat here crying my eyes out for being such a chump.

OP posts:
Aerin1999 · 14/11/2023 01:28

Ok, so what is the absolute worst thing that could happen?

Iheartpizza · 14/11/2023 01:30

Your face isn't in them - that's the most important thing.

He may have deleted the pics and video anyway?

Try not to beat yourself up over it.

Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 01:34

Aerin1999 · 14/11/2023 01:28

Ok, so what is the absolute worst thing that could happen?

That I end up on Pornhub or something (I have quite distinctive hair, tattoos, etc).
Also the second worst thing that could happen has already happened - guy I like has turned out to be an absolute bastard and doesn't want anything to do with me ☹ I was growing quite fond of him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 01:36

Iheartpizza · 14/11/2023 01:30

Your face isn't in them - that's the most important thing.

He may have deleted the pics and video anyway?

Try not to beat yourself up over it.

I'm very glad re. my face!! I just have this horrible idea that he is some kind of weirdo who gets women to make videos for him then ghosts them when he has enough. I don't want to be part of his collection!

OP posts:
thishasnotmyweek · 14/11/2023 01:38

Don't beat yourself up about the photos - I doubt they will end up on the internet. And even if they do you will likely never know about it / the chances of someone you know seeing it are small.

Chances are he has a wife/girlfriend who found out about you and has told him he needs to stop contact, which is nothing to do with you.

Lavender14 · 14/11/2023 01:42

Again I think it's good that your face wasn't in them. Do you have any means of contact with him? If so could you message and ask him to confirm he's deleted photos/ videos without circulating them as you don't want them out there? Then I'd screenshot that and if god forbid they do end up somewhere you've written evidence that was done by him without your consent. But hopefully if you got a decent vibe from him he won't do that. It could be anything really, he could have been dating other people around the same time and has decided to get serious with someone, he could have decided for his own reasons that he needs to be alone for a while, doesn't necessarily have any reflection on you at all. He should have had the decency to let you know but ghosting is the easy way out now isn't it. It's a lesson learned about the photos/ videos as you say but ultimately you've nothing to be ashamed of.

Impolitesociety · 14/11/2023 01:51

What was the last thing you communicated about before he dropped you? Did he request the nudes? Did he like them?

OP I understand the worries about the nudes. Mine did fall into the wrong hands (taken 20years ago!) but it was an extreme situation. It's so u likely you will ever know what has happened to them. Worst case he probably showed his mates etc.

Hold your head high, move on. He might not have been a dick who was only nice for nudes. 6months is a long time to text. More likely he just got bored or met someone else.

Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 02:13

Impolitesociety · 14/11/2023 01:51

What was the last thing you communicated about before he dropped you? Did he request the nudes? Did he like them?

OP I understand the worries about the nudes. Mine did fall into the wrong hands (taken 20years ago!) but it was an extreme situation. It's so u likely you will ever know what has happened to them. Worst case he probably showed his mates etc.

Hold your head high, move on. He might not have been a dick who was only nice for nudes. 6months is a long time to text. More likely he just got bored or met someone else.

We last communicated in late July. He suggested meeting and booked a hotel half way between where we live (he is about 4 hours from me). Then early hours he said he'd gone to the hospital for his mum. Naturally I said don't worry, spend time with her if need be. Next day I asked how's your mum? Didn't hear for a few days so assumed he had ghosted me, then he messaged to say she was now at home, package of care, etc. I said to him that I thought he'd ghosted me and he said "no no I've just had a shit week". Then we were messaging again and I said I would still like to see him and he said "we'll sort out something soon". Then he went quiet. I blocked him for a fortnight then unblocked him. Didn't hear from him from him after 14th Aug when he said about sorting out something soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 02:15

In answer to your question, yeah he loved the nudes. He was really enthusiastic but in a nice, sex-positive way. I was sending them over a period of about 4 months and he was always complimentary

OP posts:
Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 02:20

thishasnotmyweek · 14/11/2023 01:38

Don't beat yourself up about the photos - I doubt they will end up on the internet. And even if they do you will likely never know about it / the chances of someone you know seeing it are small.

Chances are he has a wife/girlfriend who found out about you and has told him he needs to stop contact, which is nothing to do with you.

I think maybe he did have a girlfriend, or got a girlfriend whilst we were texting. I could have never been his actual girlfriend as we lived too far apart. He was quite adamant that I was the only person he was messaging, he would say stuff that heavily implied this. He worked funny hours always finishing at about 11pm then we would message after his work. Just remembered asking if he was married quite early on and he was very clear that he wasn't. He said he was picky about who he dated but i took that to mean a lot of women don't like to be sending naked photos. Oh I just feel so utterly stupid!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 02:27

Lastly - no i don't have any way of contacting him really. I messaged him on snapchat a few weeks ago and it was delivered but never opened (dunno if that means he blocked me there or he was just ignoring me) then this evening he blocked me on WhatsApp. Clearly he wants nothing to do with me. Am mortified by it all.

OP posts:
minou123 · 14/11/2023 02:48

Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 02:15

In answer to your question, yeah he loved the nudes. He was really enthusiastic but in a nice, sex-positive way. I was sending them over a period of about 4 months and he was always complimentary

I know you said not to mention the nudes, but I can't help myself.....I'm going to give you a bollocking.

You "knew" him for 6 months, and were sending him nudes for a period of 4 months!
Come on @Mortifiable , I know you already know this but you must remind yourself that you don't know who anyone is online.

Granted you met him once, but mainly online. We can all be charming, kind, nice, funny on WhatsApp and Snapchat.

Its a horrible feeling when we think we can trust someone and they turn out to be a shithead.
He is a horrible, piece of shit.

My advice for moving on, this man is a user, more than likely married, be pleased you have nothing more to do with him

Everycompanyisafuckup · 14/11/2023 02:52

Sorry to say but this guy was married and got cold feet, absolute classic. Or, he's a shut-in who'd like to think he'd meet a real live woman in a hotel but doesn't have the balls in the end.

LaurieStrode · 14/11/2023 02:55

@minou123 is right. A virtual "relationship" is mostly a figment of imagination. Don't trust anyone based on their online persona.

Live and learn. It could be worse. You'll protect yourself better next time. 💐💐

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/11/2023 04:07

Let this post from OP serve as a warning to other women. Never, ever, sext.
Sorry you got sucked in.

Tonight1 · 14/11/2023 04:17

I did once send a topless pic to an IRL boyfriend at his request (we only saw each other by that point once every few weeks as I'd moved away). Jeans on, hair tied back and camera in front of face. No chance anyone would recognise me.

Chalk it up to experience OP unless you are able to contact him in some way and ask for the pics to be deleted.

Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 04:44

LaurieStrode · 14/11/2023 02:55

@minou123 is right. A virtual "relationship" is mostly a figment of imagination. Don't trust anyone based on their online persona.

Live and learn. It could be worse. You'll protect yourself better next time. 💐💐

I think you're right about online relationships being a figment of your imagination 😔 I will definitely meet up sooner, and more often, next time

OP posts:
Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 08:31

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/11/2023 04:07

Let this post from OP serve as a warning to other women. Never, ever, sext.
Sorry you got sucked in.

This is very wise advice. You do end up getting sucked in, if you're lonely or your defenses are down or something like i was

OP posts:
Lovethatforyouhun · 14/11/2023 08:49

Less of a relationship more free Only Fans. You’re only human, not a chump. Once bitten and all that. Good luck op.

Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 08:53

Lol, @Lovethatforyouhun I think you've nailed it. Lessons will be learned from this 😳😵 It stings because I thought I knew him but I obviously didn't... That is the problem with whatsapp, you can be in contact most days but it doesn't actually mean you have a boyfriend or proper fwb setup. I think I was probably kidding myself that this guy's different after a horrible divorce with an abusive ex.

OP posts:
PosterBoy · 14/11/2023 08:59

He was probably married. It sounds pretty likely. Nothing to do with you or anything you did.

I actually wouldn't beat yourself up about the pics or sexting. It suited you to have someone in the background for affirmation and support. You probably needed that after a bad divorce and next time maybe you will be looking for more. It's not the end of the world. He turned out to be a dick, but they all do sooner or later anyway (too dark for a morning? sorry!)

Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 09:19

I'm just reading through his messages and he's saying that 'the distance won't stop me' and that it'll work out between us.. It's unreal. Like a totally different person 😐

OP posts:
Original poster
Mortifiable · 14/11/2023 09:24

PosterBoy · 14/11/2023 08:59

He was probably married. It sounds pretty likely. Nothing to do with you or anything you did.

I actually wouldn't beat yourself up about the pics or sexting. It suited you to have someone in the background for affirmation and support. You probably needed that after a bad divorce and next time maybe you will be looking for more. It's not the end of the world. He turned out to be a dick, but they all do sooner or later anyway (too dark for a morning? sorry!)

Thank you for your kind words @PosterBoy yeah it did suit me to have him for affirmation, in the background as I wasn't ready for a proper relationship (and it would not be good for DCs) but I sort of thought we had a good understanding of what the other one wanted.

I honestly am in the mindset now that they do all end up to be dicks 😨

I did ask, repeatedly, if he was seeing anyone else or was married and he said no. I had been burnt by discovering someone was married in the past so that was something that was on the forefront of my mind when we started our 'situationship' - dreadful word but don't know what to call it.

Maybe I need to get off tinder and try bumble or something!

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 14/11/2023 09:26

Mumtobabyhavoc · 14/11/2023 04:07

Let this post from OP serve as a warning to other women. Never, ever, sext.
Sorry you got sucked in.

This! I've been with Dh 30 years and wouldn't send nudes, you have no control once it's sent,phone could be lost or sent to all contacts by mistake ,the list goes on.

He was probably married,move on and learn from it.

cassiatwenty · 14/11/2023 09:33

@PosterBoy Does that really happen to all of them? Lots of women on here have happy marriages, just unsure if blanket statements are the way to go