Sent nudes then ghosted. Mortified. How to move on?

[Mortifiable]

I can't believe I have been so stupid and I just feel so utterly sickened by my behaviour. I had a "situationship" for about 6 months which was mostly online; I ended up sending him videos and photos of myself. We met up once and it was nice but he lives miles away. Meeting up occasionally but texting daily worked for me as I have my DC living with me most of the time. Arranged to meet up a second time but he flaked on the morning because his "mum was in hospital". Talked a bit about meeting up in the future, but it kind if withered out. I messaged him on a different app wishing him happy birthday a month ago and it was left unopened. I whatsapped him today and asked why's he ghosted me, I miss him and the photos. Anyway he's promptly blocked me on WhatsApp I think, as his picture / avatar is gone - he'd had the same one for about 9 months. I feel absolutely dreadful; it was unconventional but it felt very respectful and just, well... Nice. I feel like an absolute tit (no pun intended). My face isn't in the videos but I am terrified they will end up on pornhub or something. More than that I just feel absolutely used and horrible. I had never sent photos, let alone videos to anyone before. He really seemed nice, I can't believe he has just ghosted me. Any advice (apart from avoid Tinder and don't send nudes, haha!?). Sat here crying my eyes out for being such a chump.

You blocked him, and you’re grumpy he didn’t try to contact you via any other mechanism? Blimey.

Nobody is pearl clutching about sending nudes

As adult, you can send as many nudes as you want.

Sleep with as many people as you want.
Nobody cares.

The reason we are talking about it, is because Mortifiable has said she is terrified they will end up on pornhub.

When you are on OLD, and chatting to people/strangers on whatsapp/Snapchat, one of the things you quickly realise is people are not necessarily who they say they are.

Yes, it was fun at the time and gave Mortifiable a confidence boost. But sending nudes to essentially a stranger, comes with downsides and now
Mortifiable regrets it and potentially her confidence is on the floor.

If you are happy to send nudes and dont care who sees them, then send as many nudes as you like, to whoever you like.
But keep in mind, the person you are sending them to might not be as nice as you think they are.

I don't think you can really be saddened that he blocked you and stopped contacting him when you did it first.. (though i do understand why you felt the need to do so)
The "situationship" was never that great to begin with,lack of communication and blocking etc...
Move on and don't worry about the nudes..

My confidence is definitely on the floor to be fair. But all the replies are helping me to see it in perspective ie: it was never gonna be some great big love story. And also that it's unlikely anyone will end up seeing the videos of me. And also that I shouldn't have blocked him 😭 I just felt so used at that point!

@Mortifiable You’ve done nothing wrong. You have nothing to worry about. Chances are he’s deleted or forgotten about them.

he’s the prick.

Yeah, ideally you wouldn’t have blocked him - but you also don’t know if he tried to contact you then or was already drifting away.

I think as far as you can, try and chalk it up to experience and try to meet someone who lives closer

Thanks.. I do feel that he's been quite unkind, he was quite pushy to get me to send the nudes / videos in the first place - sulking when I initially didn't want to - and he knew it was a huge deal for me because I told him it was... and I do think he has ghosted me. I was very hurt / suspicious when he flaked, his behaviour really didn't add up and I'm sure he was making excuses (I'd also spent £60 on a train to go see him so I felt like a right mug). I'm not sure he even realised I had blocked him on Whatsapp for that fortnight, I think he wanted to end it with him saying 'we'll meet up at some point'

You trusted a stranger that a) he was single and b) that he wouldn't share your photos? You simply cannot trust a person you don't know in real life.

Do you think a man willing to cheat on his partner (if he has one) would admit to it?

You were very naive but you will know better in future. Just try and forget about it, there is nothing you can do at this stage.

So you sent nudes before ypu even met him?

Lesson learnt.
Never let anyone online have that kind of access to you.
When l was on OLD, l would instantly delete and block anyone who asked for photos.
Because l respect myself too much.
Women try to hard to please, just say no or block them.

Totally lesson learnt.. I feel wretched 😬 did you block people who asked for normal photos or just like nude ones?

It just before and it was just (obviously not "just" as I am now massively freaking out and a wreck!) my boobs. The more intimate photos / videos was afterwards

Ah look OP, it wasn't your wisest decision but you won't be so naive next time. Don't beat yourself up, it's in the past, there's nothing you can do about it so try to put it out of your mind.

Most people have done daft things in the past and wonder what on earth they were thinking. You will look back on this in time and, perhaps not laugh, but you will wonder why you tormented yourself so much.

Life is hard enough at times, don't make it harder for yourself because of a silly mistake.

For future reference WhatsApp have a view once feature, the photo/ video you send can only be viewed once. Then it deletes for both of you and you can’t screenshot the item either. Not only for nudes but when you’ve just switched to WhatsApp for messaging and they are for a photo ( a normal photo just to prove it’s you in real time kinda thing )

Snapchat anything that someone has saved will stay in your chat so you can see they’ve saved it, you can delete it from the chat if you wish.

Nobody is pearl clutching about nudes, OP is an adult and can send them if she likes ( face cropped out always for a little safety if one wishes ) it’s her body we are just talking about it as that’s what the thread is about. For mumsnet we have very little pearl clutching on this thread surprisingly.

You met a man once, liked the buzz of messaging in the evening then either mis communication or you ghosting him/ him ghosting you made it fizzle out. No real harm done.

Sex and sexting is easy to find on tinder if you want that again or to look for a Friends with benefits kind of vibe. I would say though don’t rule out a relationship because you’ve got dc, I know it’s harder and what not but you can take things as slow as you like and see what happens it you want that. It doesn’t have to be 0-100 in 6 months. You’re not just a mum, you are a woman with needs too and deserve a little fun

Despite playing devil's advocate... I think you're right. It is all not adding up. I don't think, given everything you've said, you blocking him has made any difference. Though I do think if you're going to block, it should be a block and stay blocked or don't block at all and communicate instead. I think we should test people as we'd like to be treated.
Likely though, this was always going to be the outcome, so don't tie yourself in knots, and he was playing at something that suited him for whatever reason.
Maybe he is not a bad bloke if you know him, so can come across well... But also feels no loyalty to a female he has no links to other than flirting etc and was scratching an itch.
It sucks. I think you should organise a good evening with some friends and laugh it all off.
Chin up op, there are good people out there, like you, don't let it dishearten you.

Thank you for this ❣ I feel absolutely wretched right now. I don't think I was in a good place when I started messaging him, I was quite insecure from splitting up with my ex, and it was the first time I had used OLD and compared to a lot of people I matched with he seemed nicer and he was very good looking. He was the first person I had slept with in years.

@Mortifiable Shit happens, maybe you shouldn't have blocked first but who knows it may still have turned out this way regardless.

In future, especially on OLD be wary of sending stuff to men who are essentially strangers even more so if they ask, push or get stroppy about it. I've never asked or expected, those that do it that early on are likely not worth knowing and unlikely to respect you going forward.

Don't feel down about it or lose your confidence, what's done is done.

@Changednayme eh? Change name then spout insults, how big and bold.

Was there any need?

Just my tuppence, a guy asking for nudes is a huge red flag. That is not to say you can't send them, if you ask first if they want to receive them. Also, it's absolutely fine to ask for the full name of the person you are speaking to and look them up on social media or LinkedIn. Anyone who thinks that is weird doesn't have your interests at heart. It doesn't stop people lying but does filter some out.

You're spot on; he really did get quite pissy when I was reluctant to send photos to begin with and basically threatened to stop speaking to me! But by that point I was kind of emotionally invested. More fool me 😳

@Mortifiable Yeah I get that, same thing happened when I met my wife over a decade ago. I was going slow and she was pressuring, including demanding pictures and continued to do so and it accelerated insanely fast

Needless to say she turned out to be a truly awful person and I've learned one hell of a lesson now.

@Catsafterme - really sorry to hear that 💐 it is a sort of love-bombing I think, just of a sexual variety. You still end up feeling closer / more intimately connected to the other person than you would have liked, too early on. Then because of your "connection" you feel like you can't leave 😐

Ah, so you've met one of THEM! A complete and total arsehole!! I suspect it's not so much the online pics & vids that have upset you - it's the ghosting? I don't blame you at all.

You formed an intense relationship with this guy that turned into something in RL. From what you've said, he's clearly married or in a relationship and completely full of shit. Ghosting is cowardly and cruel. I know it's hard (from bitter experience) but cut him off. He doesn't deserve a second more of your time or energy.

You did have an inkling something was off so def listen to that inner voice. It's usually right.

It's a hard and painful lesson to learn. Fortunately, if your face isn't in the vids or pics, there's not that much that can happen. Even if it was, it's unlikely (especially if he wants to keep this hidden which he probably would from the sounds of it).

Shit happens. I'm sorry. Big hugs.

PS He (and anyone else, usually men, that do this) are dicks.

Thank you xx it's kind of the combination of him having some extremely graphic videos of me combined with the indignity of being ghosted / blocked. I haven't been ghosted before, as was in a very long relationship before this one and it wasn't really 'a thing' like it is now. People had the decency to dump you!

Am I right in understanding that you've not spoken since late July and then popped up with a nude out of the blue in November? If a man sent me a dick pic after that long out of contact I'd be horrified and block him too. Quite inappropriate behaviour. The relationship withered and maybe he's met someone since (but of course on MN we have to jump to "he was a married scumbag who tricked you into sending nudes!")